


Angel of Mercy

by jlillymoon



Category: MorMor - Fandom, Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mentions of Cancer, Murder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-08-08 12:39:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 62,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7758187
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jlillymoon/pseuds/jlillymoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Medical - Hospital AU</p><p>What if Seb wasn't a sniper, but a medic. And Jim worked at St. Bart's. A tale of their meeting and their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1- Relocation

**Author's Note:**

> I'm bored with AU's. And the problem I've always found, was no matter the setting and no matter how much I adore the writing, most AU's end up with the same thing. Jim and Seb are criminal masterminds and basically contract killers. But is that who they really are? Or is that just what they are?  
> While at 221bCon this past year, sitting in the James Moriarty panel, this very discussion came up. And it's been bothering me for a long time. Long before 221bCon. Is the fact that Jim and Seb chose a life of crime their jobs or is it their personality traits?  
> So, long before that panel, I had started writing this. It's different. It's a way of looking at who each character is instead of what they are. And more about two men and the people around them, then what they do for a living.  
> It's basically finished. I still have a little refining to do on the end chapters. But, it's done.  
> I need to thank some people. And I will thank them again at the close, but I won't bore you with long notes each post.  
> Firstly, to my Jim... my darling. You kept me right while I wrote this. Told me to keep going when I was so ready to give it up. Kept me sane... well as sane as I could be.  
> Secondly to Impossiblemonsieur. Without the panel and the conversation, I wouldn't feel as validated in having written this. Thank you.  
> Third to Azrionia. Thank you for your comments and your friendship. I know things in your life are crazy, but I appreciate the help none the less.  
> Fourth to moonhasi- thank you for helping with the beta. It was lovely.  
> But the biggest thanks goes to Hibernia1. You are awesome and really gave me some worrisome moments when I saw how many corrections you made in the email alerts with each chapter. I would groan about how bad my writing was, but you've made it so much strong. The words thank you can never be enough.  
> So... I hope you'll stick with me through the journey.

##  Chapter 1- 

The wind kicked up and blew a bit of sand toward Sebastian Moran. He leaned on the makeshift building and closed his eyes against the offending grit and debris. He hung his head, realizing he was tired. Bone dead tired. But then again, twenty hours on one’s feet tended to do that. Sebastian lit a cigarette and rubbed at his face, feeling the bits of dried blood and tears against his cheeks. He needed a hot meal, a good night's sleep, a shower, and a good shag. Not necessarily in that order. He shook his head and sighed.

Sebastian felt the weight of the world overwhelming him. He knew he had to make a choice. It was a choice that had been in the back of his mind for a long, long time. He knew it was time for a change. Time for something different. He stomped out his cigarette under the toe of his combat issued boot and headed away from the temporary hospital where he had spent the last five years of his life.

Sebastian Moran’s commanding officer was a squat man, with years of experience behind him. His hair was thin, his face weathered and his demeanour kind. He was efficient at running a hospital in a war zone and Sebastian was lucky that he was also easy to approach. Reasonable if nothing else.

Seb knocked on his door and waited until he was called in. He felt as if he had aged ten years in the last week.  He slumped into the chair opposite Colonel Cable’s desk.  Colonel Cable looked up from the file he had been working on and shook his head. “Moran. You look like shit.” Colonel Cable said, “No one would think you are what… 41?” Seb nodded.

“I feel it.” He sighed and shifted in his seat. “I think it’s time Bryan.” Colonel Bryan Cable looked at the other man and nodded. He knew what the tall blond former sniper was talking about. It had been the topic of conversation before and Cable knew that Sebastian had finally had enough. Having read the reports from the earlier shift, he wasn’t surprised. Sebastian Moran was finally asking to be sent home.

“Was it the number of casualties today or was it one in specific?” Cable asked Sebastian. He thought he might know, but he wanted to hear it from Seb himself. Colonel Cable was nothing if not efficient at running a hospital. He knew when a single patient had gotten under the skin of one of his crew.

“It was the young girl. The Afghan.” Seb closed his eyes and swallowed back his tears. “No young child should have to go through anything like that.” 

Sebastian hated working in a war zone sometimes. It was the collateral damage that would eventually get to him. The constant bombings that would hurt the neighboring towns. The young men and women that came to see what they could survive on around the bombing sites and end up dead themselves. The young children with missing limbs and missing lives. It had all come to be too much. And after almost twenty years in the army, Sebastian was ready to return to London and the life he had left behind. Well… most of it.

“I can put through the paperwork….” Colonel Cable looked at his calendar and counted to himself. “I can make it work for the first of the month if you want.” 

Sebastian nodded. Ten days. He could hang on for another ten days. “That’s good. That’s fine.” he said. He stood up and wobbled a bit on his feet before finding his legs again.

“I’ll have someone bring up something to eat for you. Go take a shower and sleep. You are off duty for the next twenty four hours.” Colonel Cable said while picking up his phone to process his orders. Sebastian could barely function enough to snap off a salute before stumbling up to his bunk, the shower and food.

_ \---0000--- _

Two days later, Seb sat in the stuffy oven box of an office signing over his commission. A bit more than a week and he would no longer be an officer. He would no longer be in the army. He would be a civilian again. And he felt both relieved and scared at this prospect. No… not scared. Wary. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he got to London. Where was he going to live? How was he going to make money? Eat? He could always go and live with his father…. Dr. Augustus Moran. But no. Seb wouldn’t subject himself to that. His father’s disappointment in his chosen career path, the constant condescension at what he had decided to do with his life. It wasn’t worth the pain. 

No. Seb wouldn’t go back there. He would find a rat infested bnb before he did that. Seb would have a few pounds in his pocket when he was discharged and he would find someplace to live. And a job… well… he’d worry about that later. He just knew that he wanted to sleep for a week. 

“So…. you’ll ship home to Sandhurst on Monday.” Colonel Cable told Sebastian as he read through the papers. “Process out from there. You’ll be back in London by next weekend.” Sebastian caught something in the other man’s voice.

“Jealous?” He asked, a bit awed by that idea. That anyone would be jealous of something he did. He wasn't used to it.  Nothing he’d ever done seemed enough to make anyone jealous.  

“Why would I be? I have everything I could ever want here. Hot and cold running disease, sand in every bodypart you can imagine and a few that I didn’t know you could get sand in, idiots telling me what to do from comfortable chairs in other countries and people here who don’t do what I tell them.” He stretched out and placed his hands behind his head. “Why would I leave all this for London,” he said with a grin and a chuckle. 

“Right. Figured as much.” Seb said, grinning himself. Ah… London. Home.

“What’s the plan then?”

“I honestly don’t know. I… I’ll have to find a job. And a place to stay… I… I have no idea where to start.” Seb smiled after a moment. “Well, maybe I do. I could start with the pub, a good cold beer, steak and kidney pie and a month long shower.”

“Good plan,” Colonel Cable said after a bit. He leaned across the desk. “I’ll miss you but get the fuck out,” he said, dismissing Sebastian. Seb stood up and saluted his boss. 

“Yes Sir!” He smiled and offered his hand. “It’s honestly been a pleasure.”

“Same here. Good luck.” Sebastian shook his hand and left the office without a second thought. He had two more shifts on base, a few people to say goodbye too and he was gone. Back to England and from there… home. 

It was just before dawn when he left the base. He climbed into the helicopter, taking one last look at the place that had been his home for the last five years. It was easier to see the beauty in it from up above. He turned his attention away with a snap of his neck and looked out towards the mountains. It was still the purple twilight of the early dawn and Seb watched as the sun rose above the peaks. He watched as the desert came alive with the rising sun. 

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian pulled his jacket tighter around him. He had gotten so used to the warmth of the desert that the cold dreary rain of London was downright arctic to him. It had only been two weeks since he had left Sandhurst, and all he had to show for it was a rundown flat, a rapidly dwindling bankaccount and no job. True, he wasn’t exactly running out every advert that he saw in the papers, but he wasn’t standing around and waiting for things on a silver platter either. 

He hunched his shoulder into the rest of his six foot three inch frame, trying to conserve heat. It was downright cold in his opinion. But he heard a voice that made him stand up straighter and snap to attention. “Moran!” the voice bellowed. Seb stood stock still on the pavement and waited. The speaker knew from vast experience that the voice would find him. Military training died hard in career soldiers.  

“Moran! You are out of a uniform!” the voice stated, a bit quieter now but with no less command. Sebastian heard feet come around to the front of him and he smiled as he relaxed. 

“Sir… I mean um…. Hello,” he stammered.

“Sebastian,” Dr slash Captain John Watson said with a smile. “What the bloody hell are you doing in London, mate?”

“John. It’s good to see you.” Seb reached out his hand and shook John’s. “Discharged. Gave it up. Couldn’t… just couldn’t do it any more,” Seb admitted. John gave him a knowing smile and a nod. 

“Fancy a pint? I was on my way to the pub,” John offered.

“Please. Haven’t seen a friendly face in weeks.” 

_ \---0000--- _

The pub was quiet for a weekday afternoon and Sebastian was thankful for that. He sipped at his pint, happy for the taste. Nothing beat a fresh ale in a pub in the center of London. He looked up at John and decided that he would just dive right into the conversation.

“So… um… Captain… how are things here for you? You married that girl back home? Private practice? The whole family dream?” Seb asked with a smile.

“Me?” John asked and shook his head as he chuckled. “No… nothing I thought that I would want when I got back. All the things I talked about on those late nights… all the things I dreamed of… no. They didn’t come true.” John took a long pull of his own pint and looked in the distance for a moment. “I came home to find my girl wasn’t who I thought she was, my dreams of a quiet private practice were… boring and dull. Family life, not in the cards. At least not in the way I expected,” John admitted.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Seb said quietly. 

“What about you? How long have you been back then? Working?”

“I’ve been in London… what, about two weeks now. I haven’t found a job as of yet. There isn’t much here that.. That would be quite right,” Seb said with a shrug. “Father wanted me to go back to school. But honestly John, this dog is too old and too tired to train for new tricks.”

“I… excuse me if this is too bold, but I know of a job opening. Happened this morning as a matter of fact. And if you wanted… I could put in a good word for you,” John offered.

“Really?” Seb asked, narrowing his eyes. “Where?”

“Bart’s. The oncology ward just lost a nurse.” John shook his head. “They’ve run through twelve in the last six weeks alone. What they need is someone who is caring, passionate about helping people and well… someone tough. I’ve seen all of that in you. You are one cold arsed fucker when you want to be, but I’ve seen you cry over the loss of a child.”

Sebastian sat back in his chair for a bit and considered it. If John Watson thought it would be a right fit for him, then maybe it would be. Then again what did Sebastian have to lose at this point? “Two nurses ran away every week in the last six weeks?” he said to John. “Is the position haunted or something?”

“No,” John said with a chuckle. “It’s just, well, the head doctor, he’s a bit difficult to get along with.”

“Can’t be worse than Dr. Augustus Moran,” Seb said under his breath.

“You’d be surprised,” John retorted. “But really. Tell you what. Give us your number then and I’ll talk to Dr. Holmes. Sherlock might be a bit of a… well an arse, but he’ll listen to me if I think there would be someone to work with… the unit.”

“Okay… if you think that it will be… right, then I’ll give it a try,” Seb agreed. “Is there anyone who’s lasted on the unit?” he asked after a while.

“One,” John admitted. “He’s good. He’s wonderful with the patients but other than that…. It’s hard to get a read on him in general.” John shook his head. “You’re good at reading people. Maybe you can figure him out.”

“Maybe.” Seb said. He smiled at John and turned the conversation to gossip about  the base.


	2. Chapter 2- First Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian's first day at Barts

##  Chapter 2

Everything was plain and boring. The walls were painted a calm but boring green. The table was boring. The coffee was boring. And the voice at the head of the table, doling out morning reports was the most boring of all. Jim fought hard not to roll his eyes. At some point, if he continued to restrain himself, he was going to die of boredom. But Jim sipped his bitter coffee, pretended to make notes on his roster and listened as the doctor read off the reports for the day.

“And Nurse Moriarty…” the voice finally said. The condescension  in Dr. Holmes’ voice grated on Jim’s nerves. But he fixed his eyes on the taller man at the head of the table. “You will have a new patient today.” Dr. Sherlock Holmes looked at his papers, reminding himself of the details he didn’t want to remember. “Room 412. A Mr. Robert Lengyl. Aged 54. Cancer of the lung. He had a lobectomy yesterday and has been transferred to us for care and beginning his treatments of chemotherapy.”

Jim looked through his own notes on the patient. But something was missing. He had been diagnosed with the advanced cancer several months ago. “Excuse me doctor, but may I ask a question?”

Sherlock sighed. Of course. Jim wanted more information. Jim was good at his job and he was sure to have noticed the flaw in the timeline. “Yes… go on then.”

“May I ask if it is known, was there a medical reason for the delay in treatment?” Jim asked. He was hoping something was indeed known. Or he would be forced to make small talk with the patient or even worse, his family. He shuddered internally at the thought while he waited for Sherlock to answer him.

Sherlock rolled his eyes and waited for Jim to say something else or give up. But he knew better. Jim was damn good at his job. And he wouldn’t give up something once he had it in his head that he needed it. Sherlock had learned that the hard way with Jim. He was still as handsome as Sherlock remembered him when they were in school together, but their relationship there had been over as quickly as it had begun. 

He glared at Jim for a moment and closed his eyes. “My office. Five minutes,” he said before turning on his heel and heading out of the lounge to his office, shutting the door. 

Jim smirked as he gathered his things and headed for the small kitchenette off of the unit. He knew that bringing Sherlock tea wasn’t the best way to apologize, but then again he wasn’t apologizing. He was just… soothing the savage beast. Exactly five minutes later, he  balanced two cups of tea and his clipboard and knocked on Sherlock’s door before pushing it open with his bottom, letting Sherlock get a good glimpse of something he had given up years before. He smiled as he turned around and handed Sherlock his tea and settled into the chair across his desk without invitation.

Sherlock looked at Jim and sighed as he sipped his tea. At least Jim never forgot how he liked it. Overly sweet and just a bit milky. “Seriously Jim, you can’t… you can’t ask questions like that in report,” Sherlock tried to admonish the nurse.

“And you can’t withhold information that might change the way that a patient is treated,” Jim countered with a smile. Sherlock rolled his eyes. Jim was one of the few people in the world who could match intelligence and wits with the doctor. Jim took a moment to prop his trainer clad feet up on Sherlock’s desk. Sherlock eyed the shoes with distaste and Jim removed them with a chuckle and an eye roll.

“Fine,” Sherlock said through gritted teeth. He pulled out a file and handed it to Jim. “I trust you can still read…” Dr. Holmes said before returning to his own reports. Jim read through the medical information quickly. He re-read it, reading between the lines. 

_ “Right,” Jim thought to himself. “Serial adulterer. Several different STD’s over the years. Spread them without thought. Gave his own wife a bit of a beating here and there. Yup. He’ll do nicely.”  _

Jim closed the folder and laid it on the desk before getting up. He had all he could take of Sherlock for the time being. He just wanted to get on with his day now and he had a heavy patient load as it was. He closed the door behind him, not having said another word to Sherlock. Jim was lost in his own head, running different information through it when he ran smack into the hospital administrator. Greg Lestrade was an older man, his hair greying from the stress he had in running St. Bart’s. But he was also one of the kindest and most down to earth people in the world. And Jim didn’t pay him any mind. He excused himself, heading off to see his first patient when he heard his name.

“Jim!” Greg called out after him. “I was actually looking for you.” 

Jim stopped walking, taking a moment to change his face into something more resembling a normal smile before turning around and walking back. “Oh! Hello Mr. Lestrade.” Jim said sweetly. “Sorry… was off on another planet I guess. Was thinking about my patients. You know,” Jim said with a slight shrug of his shoulders and a little dip of his head.

“Overworked and underpaid,” Lestrade answered. “I know. And you are the only one who can deal with… His Highness.”

Jim smiled. “We’ve known each other a long time, sir. I’ve got… a few things in here that he wouldn’t want to be made public,” Jim answered with a laugh tapping the side of his head. “Is there something you needed from me? I… I do have patients to see.”

“Yes… yes!” Lestrade said. “We have a new nurse that will be joining your team. I was going to ask you to work with him this week. Show him the ropes. Keep him from killing Sherlock or the other way around,”he said with a chuckle.

Sherlock’s deep throaty voice was heard in the hallway at that moment and Greg cringed. “That’s it. I’m gone. Moran… good luck,” Greg said before heading out. Jim looked up and noticed the taller blond man for the first time and his heart stopped. Tall. Tanned. Blue eyes and blond hair. A scar that ran down his face with abandonment. It was quite an attractive package. He looked back at Jim and rubbed the back of his neck with his large hand. 

“Errm… Hello.I’m Moran… I mean Sebastian,” he said.

“Jim Moriarty.”

“Mr. Lestrade said that I… um.. Should report to you, sir,” Seb said, old habits dying hard. “I… I am starting today.” Sebastian rolled his eyes. He was indeed making a fool of himself and he felt more nervous than he should have felt. He blushed a little. The other nurse, Jim, he said his name was, didn’t just carry an air of authority around him, he was good looking. And sexy.  _ “No Moran,” he thought to himself. “No sex at work. Keep it in your trousers.” _

“I gathered that,” Jim said, his voice bored and his eyes rolling.  _ “Fuck me six ways to Sunday. Not only do I have to deal with Sherlock, a heavy patient load and another one on top of that, but now I’m expected to deal with the newb,” Jim thought to himself. _

“So… um… what’s my first task?” Seb asked, trying to seem like he was eager to help.

“First task is to do a round of the patients. We have six. Including a new one,” Jim said, walking down the hall quickly, not wanting to waste any more time. 

“Six?” Seb said, taking just a few long strides to catch up. “That’s it?” Jim’s scowl answered Sebastian and he smiled. “I’m used to quite a few more than that.”

“Oh? And where was that exactly?” Jim asked, gathering the rest of his supplies before heading into the first room.

“Afghanistan,” Seb said. He took a deep breath in and walked past Jim, into the first room. 

Jim scowled a bit before following Sebastian into the room.

By the time their lunch break rolled around, Jim had to admit that Sebastian was good. He knew what to hand him and when before being asked. He was kind with the patients, held family members’ hands and filled out his paperwork in a quick efficient manner. He would do well on the unit. For once, Jim was ahead of his tasks and had time to take an actual break. Sherlock however had other ideas.

“Nurse Moriarty…” he called out as Jim and Seb were heading to the canteen to grab something to eat. “I need your assistance.” Jim pulled up short and rolled his eyes.

“Well… you’ve got a choice to make here, pretty boy…” he said to Sebastian. “Either you can go and have a nice break and something to eat or… you can come with me, meet the reason that no nurse in their right mind stays on this unit and get it over with.” Jim crossed his arms and tapped his foot for a moment. “Choice is yours and the longer you dither the more cross he gets.”

Sebastian didn’t hesitate. He brushed past Jim and towards where Dr. Holmes was waiting. He didn’t offer his hand. Just came up short in front of the slightly shorter man. “Dr. Holmes. I’m Sebastian Moran. New nurse on your unit. Nurse Moriarty is deserving of his lunch break. I can assist you, sir,” he added, standing at parade rest.

“Moran… any relation to Augustus Moran?” Sherlock asked, looking the sniper up and down.

“Father,” Sebastian offered through gritted teeth.

Sherlock nodded and headed into a room. Seb gave Jim a quick tilt of his head, indicating that Jim should go on to his break. It was only fair.

Jim narrowed his eyes and shrugged, heading off to the canteen, whistling a tune  between his lips.

_ \---0000--- _

By the end of his shift, Sebastian felt, well, unfulfilled. Eight hours on a unit was nothing to him. He did eight hours while still waking up. He was itching for something else to do, keyed up and nearly bouncing on his toes as he rode down in the lift with Jim.

Jim found himself smiling at the blond. He too was more than relaxed. Having an extra set of hands certainly made the day go quicker and he wasn’t on again for two days so he could sleep in. 

“You got anything on this evening?” Jim asked, crossing his ankles as he leaned against the wall of the lift.

“Nope. Might head out. Get something to eat,” Seb answered. “You?”

Jim shook his head. Usually on nights like this he would go out to a pub, pretend to be interested in whatever match was on the tellie and pull home some sweet unsuspecting thing, fuck them and kick them out. But the man standing in front of him, he could be the solution to many more of Jim’s problems. “No. Not tonight. But, I owe you lunch at least. You… you didn’t have to take on Sherlock by yourself,” he said a bit sheepishly.

“It was fine,” Seb said with a shrug. “I’m a bit more used to working long shifts without a break. And I figured that you don’t always get one. So why not take advantage of it when you can.” 

“Did Sherlock… behave?” Jim asked, arching a dark eyebrow at Seb and Sebastian chuckled in response.

“If you can call it that. Don’t worry. I’m coming back. He’s nothing… compared to others,” he said. “Besides, John will help me keep him out of my hair.” Jim’s mouth turned up at the corners. 

“Ah… got it. You and Dr. Watson. Army buddies. That explains it.”

“Explains what?” Seb asked, reaching into his bag for a cigarette when they reached the street. They were walking side by side and Seb wasn’t sure  where to. He was just following Jim.

“Why they put you with Sherlock. If Dr. Watson thinks you were a good medic then you can handle anything Sherlock throws at you.”

“Maybe. Going to give it a try anyway,” Seb said. “By the way… where are we going?”

“Ah… Here,” Jim said, opening the door to a pub a few blocks from St. Bart’s. “The food’s shit, the beer is warm and the stool splinter. But…” Jim shrugged.

“Sounds like home.” Seb said with a smile. And the moment he walked in, he knew that this was his new pub in London.

Seb grabbed the first round of drinks while Jim ordered them each a burger and chips. He hadn’t been kidding about the warm beer, but it tasted good. Seb slid into the chair and stretched out his long legs in front of him.

“Can I ask you something?” Seb said after a bit. Jim’s attention, while seemingly had been wandering, came to center on the medic again. 

“Sure. Nothing to hide here,” Jim said with a smile. He was using his best public face. He shouldn’t be though. There was something about Sebastian that… he wanted to know more of.

“You call John ‘Dr. Watson’, yet you call Dr. Holmes ‘Sherlock’. That would imply that there is a history of some kind between you and Dr. Holmes. Am I correct?” 

The corners of Jim’s mouth curled up in a real smile behind his pint glass. “Very astute,” he said before taking a drink and putting his glass down. “Sherlock and I were at Uni together.” 

“Ah… is that together or  _ together _ ?” Seb asked before stopping and waving his hand. “Never mind. Forget I asked,” he tried to backpedal.

“No.. really. It’s fine,” Jim said, still smirking. “Yeah. We were together. For a short time. I guess we were the only ones who could stand each other. But in the end… we couldn’t even do that for long.”

“I’m being… I’m just being nosy.” Seb tried. “I’m sorry.”

“No… really it’s fine. You… you’re bound to hear rumours. Might as well know the facts first,” Jim offered. “It’s not like Sherlock and I hide our past relationship. It just didn’t work out. The end.”

“And now? Is there someone else in your life?” Seb asked, blushing a bit at the question.  _ “Yeah okay… so he’s attractive. Sexy… that pouty little mouth… that arse…. What I wouldn’t do...No. No sleeping with co-workers,” he thought to himself. _

“No. No one at the moment,” Jim said with a shrug. “You must have some hot little piece of skirt at home, waiting on you. Some love sick girl you wrote long sappy letters to while alone in your tent.”

“Nope. Haven’t had a relationship… in years. And… skirts… not really my area,” Seb said. “That’s just another one of the thousands of things wrong with me according to my father’s list. Full fledged, dyed in the wool, card carrying rainbow flag gay.”

Jim burst out laughing at Seb’s comment and Seb beamed. Jim’s laugh… it was magic. And Sebastian found himself wanting to hear it again and again. “That’s some image,” he said. “And I knew you looked familiar. I thought I saw you at the last meeting of rainbow flag carriers.” 

Seb nodded. So that confirmed it for him. Jim was indeed like him. Good. Then this wasn’t just random flirting. Didn’t mean anything was going to come of it, but… there it was.

Jim picked up his burger after it was delivered and took a bite. He licked his lips and smiled at Seb. 

“You weren’t kidding,” Seb said after swallowing. “This place is shit.” He smiled broadly when a young slip of a girl came over towards their table.

“Jim! Hi!” she said with a smile.

“Molly,” Jim said, trying hard not to roll his eyes. “Molly this is Sebastian. Molly works in the morgue,” Jim explained, still trying to pretend that he was polite. It was starting to wear on him. His head was starting to pound.

“Oh… hello,” Molly said. “Nice to meet you.” 

“Same.” Seb said. “Hey Jim… if we are going to catch that movie… we should get going.” Sebastian could read how tense Jim was getting and wanted to get out of the pub himself. “Especially since I still need to stop by mine.”

Jim blinked a few times before his brain caught up. Stop by his? What was he getting on about? Oh… yes. Seb was giving them an escape. “Right… right,” Jim said. He was through anyway. The burger really was shit and he wasn’t hungry. Seb seemed to have eaten his fill as well. “Well Molly, it was nice to see you. We… we should be off.”  He stood up and pulled his wallet out, dropping a few bills on the table before heading towards the door.

“Lovely to meet you. I’ll see you around, I’m sure,” Seb offered with a smile before following Jim out.

“Yeah… bye…” Molly said, her heart breaking a little as she watched Jim walk off with the taller man. Just her luck. All the handsome ones were not only gay… but gay and taken.

Seb reached into his bag and took out a cigarette. “I was serious, if… if you want to come back to mine…” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Thanks… but another time… maybe. I’m… I’m off for the next few. Going to sleep and catch up on crap tellie,” Jim said. 

Sebastian nodded. “Right…. So… I’ll see you around then. Thanks… thanks for dinner.”

“Welcome,” Jim said before turning on his heel and walking away. Seb smiled as he watched him for a moment, his eyes settling on his arse. 


	3. Chapter 3- Something Happens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seb is working on his own and Jim's working the opposite shift. Plus... there is another Holmes.

##  Chapter 3

 

It took Sebastian another three shifts to be officially trained and on his own. In all that time he hadn’t seen Jim again. They were working opposite shifts, it seemed.

Sebastian walked onto the ward early in the morning. He was holding his coffee like a child would clutch a teddy bear. It was going to be a long day. He had worked the night before, went home, crashed in his bed, only to get up and turn around again.  He was exhausted. But he wasn’t going to let it stop him. 

After punching in, he sat down in the chair he favoured, waiting for Sherlock to come in and give the report. And true to form, he glided into the room at the top of hour, the hostility rolling off of him in waves. He didn’t take time for anything, just launched into his report, giving out the assignments and nearly running out of the room before ten minutes were over. Seb shrugged. Whatever was up his arse… it wasn’t a good thing but as long as he did his own job… that’s what mattered.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian stood at parade rest, dodging and weaving with each thing Sherlock threw at him that day. He took the personal insults and tossed them away. As for the professional ones, he showed Dr. Holmes calmly that he was a  professional, handling the changes and orders without so much as a flinch. He was cool. Calm.  And at the end of the day… he was drained.

Sebastian pulled his bag up higher up on his shoulder as he took the long way down to the street and home. He had one more shift before he was off and he just wanted a hot shower and a warm bed. 

Sebastian wandered down the corridors, not really following any path, just walking. He stopped when he heard the soft tinkling sounds of children’s laughter. It had been a long time since he had heard that sound. His heart softened and a smile played on his face. His feet carried him a bit further and around a corner to a large window. A play room was beyond the glass. He looked around and realized that he had made it to the children’s wing and he stood, watching the kids through the window for a bit. They were all gathered in a large group, listening to someone reading a story.

Sebastian stood there for a few moments, lost in his own thoughts. The image of the last patient he had lost in the army… her fresh face, golden skin and bright eyes, aged before her time with the ravages of war, swam in his vision. He felt the slight dampness on his face and reached up to wipe away the few tears that fell.

“No matter how often we  see death in the medical field, the death of a child impacts us each and every time,” a cool, crisp voice said from Sebastian’s right. He hadn’t noticed that he had been joined by anyone. His head turned and he looked level with a slightly ginger man, older and with the air of someone of power. Authority. And a cruel smile.

“Yes, it does. Some more than others,” Sebastian agreed. His eyes ran down to catch the identification badge that was tacked to the front of the man’s lab coat. “Dr. M. Holmes, MD” it read. “Dr. Holmes.”

“Nurse Moran.” Of course he knew. He was Sherlock’s brother after all. “I’ve had the pleasure of working with your father before,” Mycroft said, turning towards Sebastian and giving him a cold stare and a fake smile.

“I’m sure the pleasure was all yours,” Seb spat out. It wasn’t a secret that his hatred for his father ran deep.

“Hmmm… quite,” Mycroft said non committedly. “You are on your way home. I do hope that my brother hasn’t been… too difficult. He’s a brilliant physician, however… his… own emotions tend to make him a less than companionable leader.”

“Dr. Holmes is fine,” Seb retorted, “I’ve handled worse.” He smiled at Mycroft, feeling a certain loyalty towards the younger of the brothers. 

Sudden movement inside the room caused Mycroft’s attention to focus back on the window and his face, while before nothing more than a schooled professional, suddenly turned dark and ugly before re-masking. Sebastian turned to see what had made the doctor upset when he saw Jim unfold himself from the pile of children. 

“Do watch yourself around other members of this facility,” Mycroft warned, “not everyone is who they seem to be.” He turned on his heel with nothing further to his dark and cryptic warning and stalked off down the hall. Sebastian knit his brow in confusion and finally gave up trying to figure out what he meant. He was tired and wanted to go home. 

Sebastian turned to head towards the lifts and home. He hadn’t made it more than a few steps when a small tap on his shoulder made him turn around. He spun and smiled as he saw Jim.

“Hello, private,” Jim teased. “heading off?”

“Yeah. Dr. Holmes was in… a mood today. It’s been a long day. Heading home for a shower and sleep. I’m on again in the morning. You?”

“Just coming on,” Jim said, tucking his hands in his pockets and giving Seb a sheepish grin.

“Well… have a good shift then. And… watch the drip in 4127. It’s been acting a bit funny all day. Running a bit slow,” Seb offered before smiling and stepping into the lift.

“Thanks… will do. Have a good sleep then. See you in the morning,” Jim said with a smile. The lift doors closed and Seb found himself smiling. Yeah… there was something about Jim….

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian sat down in the chair for his morning report. If he had thought Sherlock had been in a state the day before, it was nothing compared to his mood today. He was furious. Spitting and nasty. Report was short and over before it began. Sebastian looked at his roster and realized that there was a new patient… where another one had been the day before. He looked at it sideways and caught one of the orderlies on his way out of a room.

“Hey… do you know what happened to the man who was in 4127?” he asked. The other man shrugged.

“It’s the way it goes in oncology mate. Died last night. New one there now.” He pushed his mop bucket away and Seb nodded. Died. Overnight. Well, that would explain Sherlock’s mood.

Seb patted his pockets and realized he had forgotten his stethoscope in his bag. Ha headed into the locker room to retrieve it. He smiled as he saw Jim pulling his own bag out of his locker.

“Fancy meeting you here,” Seb said as he crossed the room to his locker and punched in the combination.

“It is a small world. Sleep well?” Jim asked, slinging his bag over his neck and settling it next to his hip. Seb smiled.

“Yeah. For the most part. How… how are you? Rough night last night?”

Jim shrugged. “No more than usual. You were right about the drip though. Had to change it out mid shift. Didn’t matter in the end. Something comes for us all.”

“Right. Something,” Seb murmured darkly.

Jim moved so he was closer to Sebastian. Seb could feel the heat radiating off of Jim, the scent of his skin, the higher end cologne that was nearly faded out, but still subtly there. A small amount of sweat and something sweeter underneath. A scent that was all… Jim. Sebastian licked his lips and met Jim’s eyes. Brown in the light but in the dim of the locker room, nearly black.

“I wonder what would come for you in the end,” Jim mused quietly. Sebastian swallowed. He was mesmerized. Completely enthralled with Jim’s face. And he jumped when the door crashed open and Sherlock’s booming voice ripped them apart.

“Moran. Moriarty. If you two are done…. Flirting… there are patients to attend to.” Sebastian stepped back and nodded, unsure of what had just passed between them, but it was enough to put him off center for the rest of the day.

“Sorry, sir,” Sebastian said as he rushed from the room. Jim’s mouth curled up into a smile, almost feral in its look.

Sherlock blocked the door for a moment. “Really Jim? Him?”

Jim shrugged. “Why not? He’s…. Intriguing.”

“Right. Because you haven’t had a relationship since…” Sherlock let the rest of that sentence hang in the air. And Jim looked at him dangerously.

“Don’t you dare pretend to know what has happened in my life,” he spat out, “you were the one who left.”

“Yes. But you were the one who ended up walking away from everything, Sherlock countered. Jim ducked under Sherlock’s outstretched arm and into the corridor. “And a word of caution. Don’t let Mycroft catch you in the children’s ward again. He’s quite…. upset to have found you there once more.” 

Jim rolled his eyes and turned to catch Sherlock’s eye. “Tell big brother to mind his own,” Jim said with a smirk. “Catch you later!” he said with a slight sing song and headed off to the lift.

_ \---0000---- _

Sebastian found himself distracted through most of his shift. Unsure of what had transpired between him and Jim in the locker room that morning, he found his thoughts traveling back there constantly. But he continued to slog through his day, finally happy when his lunch break rolled around. He could use a cup of crap coffee and one or two cigarettes. He was heading towards the lifts to indeed do just that when Sherlock stepped out of his office and called for him. Sebastian drew in a deep breath and turned, following the tall dark haired man into the quiet of his dark office. He stood, parade rest - old habits die hard you know - at the front of Sherlock’s desk and looked as relaxed as he could. Inside he was bracing for the onslaught of whatever Sherlock had in store for him now.

“Moran, you worked with the patient in 4127 yesterday, correct?” the public school man drawled.

“Yes, sir. Is there a problem with my work, sir?”

“No. Were… were there any problems with the patient? Any… abnormal complaints? Reactions to medications? Anything out of the ordinary?” Sherlock inquired. 

Sebastian shook his head. “No. He seemed to be tolerating his treatment as best as could be expected. He stated he was fairly comfortable and his vital signs were within his own normal limits.” Seb paused for a moment. “There was a problem with his IV drip. It was running a bit slower than I would have liked. I did mention it to Ji- Nurse Moriarty as I was going off shift as well as noted in my reports.”

Sherlock shuffled a few things on his desk and drew up what looked like a print out of Sebastian’s computer report. He studied for a moment and pulled up another piece of paper before sighing. “I see. Thank you Moran,” he said, dismissing him. Sebastian nodded and turned, hearing Sherlock muttering. He looked over his shoulder to see the normally cool and collected man, tugging at his hair and looking slightly wild. 

“What am I missing? I am always missing something,” he said and Seb licked his lips, worried that there was more to the problem than he realized.

The rest of Sebastian’s shift passed with the same slowness that comes when you are bone tired and wanting to get home. He was close enough to the end of his shift, but the hands on his watch were slowing down instead of going faster. He just wanted to sleep. And one more shift before he was off for three days. Three glorious days where he could do nothing more than sleep, eat and sleep. It sounded like heaven. 

_ \---0000--- _

 

Sebastian walked into the room for the report and was nearly dead on his feet. Jim gave him a soft smile, looking quite well rested having had a day off since he saw him last.  Seb rolled his eyes but smiled in return. “Good day off then?” he asked as he took a seat next to Jim.

Jim shrugged. “Took care of a few things… slept. When are you off again?” 

Sebastian took a sip of the double espresso he was clutching. “Tomorrow. Three days off,” he said. He had gotten quite used to sleeping at regular intervals and wondered if he was going soft from what he had been used to in the Army. Only a few weeks out and he was already turning into a marshmallow. He made a mental note to find a gym and to begin to get back to working out on a regular basis again.

“That’s good. You… you have plans for tonight?” Jim asked, his eyebrow raised in question. Seb’s head whipped around to see Jim’s face just as Sherlock Holmes and Greg Lestrade walked in for report.


	4. Chapter 4- One Stupid and One Nosy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another day at St. Bart's. But with Lestrade in morning report... what's going to happen now?  
> And at the end of the day... a pint is just right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone still following this... I'm sorry. I've been trying to post each Saturday morning, but being that it's a holiday weekend, I went away for the weekend and believe it or not... there are still places that do not have internet or cell service!!!!! It's killing me to be honest. So. I'm sorry this is late.
> 
> I wanted to take a quick moment to say thanks again to Littleredhotridinghood. You are my Jim and right now... my voice of reason. You know why.
> 
> And to Hibernia1. Thanks once more for editing this monster! 
> 
> I think... there are about 15 more chapters to go.

##  Chapter 4

 

Sebastian’s attention was torn. Jim and the question he asked or the head of the hospital where he worked and the doctor in charge of his unit. In the end, the two men standing at the head of the table won out. He could figure Jim out later… or at least he hoped he could.

“So, we had a death on the ward a few days ago,” Mr. Lestrade began, “which is  not that unusual to be honest, especially on an oncology ward. However what was unusual was the fact that this patient shouldn’t have died. At least not the way he did. And… looking at Dr. Holmes’ track record, it’s…”  Mr. Lestrade stopped speaking for a moment, looking around the room. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I am hoping that you will all be cooperative. This week… we will have two inspectors from the NHS home offices in to look at all the case notes and our procedures. They will be looking at the policies here and… well, looking for anything unusual. Anything out of the ordinary.” Mr. Lestrade gave the group a nod and sat down across the room from the rest, answering something on his mobile. His face was the grim mask of someone who was often beaten down by the system.

Seb gave Jim a look, but Jim was staring at Sherlock. His eyes were narrowed as if he was trying to understand something and he couldn’t grasp it. Seb waited and watched as Sherlock gave the most informative yet succinct report since he had started at Bart’s. They were dismissed to attend to their patients. 

Sebastian was sitting at the nursing station, filling in his first reports of the day, his initial checks on each of his patients, when he saw them for the first time. A man and a woman, who really didn’t look like visitors, whispering to each other and carrying tablet computers. They wore an air of intelligence, but the same lifeless dullness in their eyes. They were the inspectors that Lestrade had spoken about. They had to be. Seb gathered his things and was attempting to make his way to another computer bay, one hidden in the back corridor in order to finish his reports. But they spotted him and headed his way. He sighed and logged back into the terminal. 

 

The woman was slender, almost lanky but still graceful in her movements. Seb wondered if she might have been a dancer at one point in time. Her caramel coloured skin was dusted with freckles, Seb noticed when she got closer. She looked clean and polished. She was pretty in an understated way and she kept her face smile free. All professional.

This was a large contrast to the man with her. His flat thin hair was short and neat and a startling contrast to his grizzled and wiry greying beard. His clothes were newer but still wrinkled and missing that touch of someone who took any care or pride in their appearance. He was grinning at nearly lunatic levels. As if this inspection was something he had been living his entire existence for.

“Good morning. I’m Sally Donovan and this is Phillip Anderson. We’re with the NHS. I am assuming you were informed of our visit today?” she asked, her accent laced with a slight bit of northern.

“Good morning. I have been,” Seb said without looking up from his terminal. He knew the drill and had been inspected far more often than anyone could have ever guessed. He served in the army after all.

“Well, then… Nurse…” Anderson started, seething a bit that Sebastian wasn’t paying full attention to him.

“Moran. Sebastian Moran,” Seb said with the crispness that was both of his former title and former rank, “is there something you wanted to ask me specifically? Because I do have patients to attend to.” 

“No… nothing yet,” Donovan said, looking at something on her tablet. More than likely a list of staff, Seb thought and he went back to his work. 

Sebastian took care to keep the two inspectors in his sight for most of the day, but didn’t have another interaction with them. He had forgotten about Jim’s question to him until the end of his own shift. Jim had been running from end to end all day, working at Sherlock’s beck and call. Sebastian handled the slack with ease, finding that he and Jim made a decent team for the younger Holmes brother. It wasn’t until Sebastian was in the locker room, stowing his things when he remembered what Jim had asked him.

Jim had spent his day running. Sherlock trusted Jim… mostly trust him anyway. And since Jim was the regular nurse on the floor to work with Sherlock, he was the one that was there to answer each and every question. Sebastian had naturally picked up Jim’s slack and Jim was intrigued that Seb was able to see that it needed to be done and just did so. Even Sherlock was impressed. An hour before the shift ended, Donovan and Anderson left and Sherlock called Jim into his office.

Jim sat down across from Sherlock and put his feet up on his desk, as was his habit. He was drained. It was a long day and he still had two more to go before his next one off. Sherlock was looking a bit worse for wear himself and he sank into his own chair.

Sherlock finally moved, breaking the silence between them to reach into his bottom drawer and pulled out a bottle of single malt scotch. He poured them each a measure and pushed it across the cherry desk to Jim. “Moran seems to be working out alright,” Sherlock said after knocking back a measure of his glass.

“Hmmm… yeah. He’s not doing too bad. Putting up with your shite, thats for sure,” Jim countered.

“And yours as well. Did you ask him to pick up your slack?”

“No. He did that on his own. As if he knew exactly what to do,” Jim mused, taking a sip of the amber liquid and rolling the fine glass against his lip. “Seriously Sherlock… what the fuck was today about?”

“I’m not sure,” Sherlock admitted. “Personally, I think they are looking for a red herring. Something…. Something is happening here on this unit and it’s not natural. Maybe it’s the fact that I take more challenging cases. Maybe it’s something else. Doesn’t matter. There was nothing to be found as far as I can see.”

Jim nodded. “No… nothing.” He sipped at his drink more and closed his eyes. A small nugget of self doubt was festering in the back of his mind, but he was trying to ignore it as one would ignore a tooth ache.

Jim and Sherlock said nothing further to each other for the rest of the shift, Jim, sitting in his own quiet contemplation. Sherlock closed his eyes and was lightly tapping his fingers on his thigh. Jim smiled. “Do you still play?”

“Hmmm? What?” Sherlock asked, coming out of his own head, “the violin?” Jim nodded. “No… not really. Occasionally… when…. when I’ve had a difficult day or John’s….” his voice trailed off. Jim and Sherlock rarely talked about Sherlock’s current relationship with Dr. Watson. And as far as Sherlock was concerned, that was one of the reasons he and Jim were able to still be… colleagues all these years later. They existed  and worked together in the moment and nothing else.

Jim sighed and put his now empty glass on Sherlock’s desk, putting his feet on the floor. “Sherl… look. It’s been a long time since we were more than people who work together. It doesn’t bother me that you are in a relationship with John. He’s a good man, really. And if he can live with you and put with your… well… you….” Jim smiled, “it’s fine to talk about it in front of me. It’s not like I haven’t had other relationships and it’s not like… I’m not….”

“Thinking about taking Moran to bed?” Sherlock interjected. He gave Jim a brilliant smile and a small laugh, the alcohol loosening him up a bit.

“Well… you have to admit that arse is something brilliant,” Jim said with a chuckle, “I’m… I’m trying to keep it low key. Not push. I think I’m going to head to the pub tonight. Maybe you and John… would you consider joining us?”

“Me?” Sherlock scoffed, “at a pub?” Jim smiled at him, snickering a little. “Maybe… I don’t know.”

“Alright then. Time to clock out. Don’t want to get in trouble for the over time now,” Jim said, standing up and running his hands over his shirt. “I’ll see you tomorrow… if not sooner.”

 

_ \---0000--- _

Jim walked into the locker room and smiled. Sebastian was stowing his things and he looked… he looked delicious. Jim hid a real smile and only gave him a smirk as he went to his own locker. “So… any answer for me yet?” he asked Sebastian as he pulled out his bag and closed his locker up. 

“Umm….” Seb said and smiled at him. “Well… I was thinking that the pub wasn’t a bad thought. It’s been a long day and I could use a pint or two.” Seb pulled his own bag over his neck and settled it against his hip. “Is that what you were asking?”

“Maybe… and yeah. I could use a pint or two myself.”

“So… shall we then?” Seb asked, nodding towards the door. Jim took his cue and headed towards the door, his hands shoved in his pockets and a whistle on his lips. Seb smirked and shook his head as he followed Jim out of the hospital.

Sebastian sucked in a deep breath of damp evening air, saturated with the grey smog of London and it felt good. It felt right. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, offering the pack to Jim. Jim took one and cupped his hands around Seb’s out stretched lighter. They walked along the street to the pub in a quiet companionship, not needing to talk much. After the day they had.. It was easy to just be quiet.

“Thanks for picking up the slack today,” Jim finally said when they had reached the pub and stood outside to finish their cigarettes. Jim tilted his head at Seb in confusion. Because he found that he genuinely meant it.

“No problem. I knew you had your hands full running around for… the busy body and the stupid.” He shook his head, realizing that the nicknames that he had given Donovan and Anderson had not been expressed to anyone else. They were just in his head.

“That’s clever,” Jim offered. “That was basically the gist of it anyway. One stupid and one nosy.”

“Do you think they found what they were looking for?”

Jim shook his head as he took a drag. “No. I don’t think they know what they were looking for.” He leaned against the rough brick wall of the pub and sighed. “See… the thing about Sherlock is that he’s not stupid. He’s really a genius. He… he could have gone into research medicine. Been happily tucked away in some lab somewhere inventing cures for all kinds of things. He takes on the more challenging cases. Finds things that shouldn’t work, but do somehow. He takes the patients who want one last ditch effort. He takes on the cases that no one else will. But…”

“But… yeah. We all have a but,” Seb offered. He knew his own limitations.

“Sherlock and I have a history. You know that. However, things run deeper than that. There is something else there…. Something… I won’t talk about. Something that drew him to where he is now. And… after a long time… drew me in as well,” Jim’s face was dark and… Seb struggled to place the other emotion. He hadn’t seen it in Jim before and now he wasn’t sure what it was. But after a moment, Jim’s masks were back in place and his Irish lyrical lilt came back full on. “Besides, oncology is good. Dangerous chemicals and no risk to birth defects for your future children if you’re gay,” he said with a smile before crushing out his cigarette and heading into the pub.

_ \---0000--- _

 

It was as if not only the oncology ward had seen the spying eyes of Donovan and Anderson. The pub was a busy place that evening. It was crowded with wall to wall bodies, each person seemingly an employee of St. Bart’s hospital. There wasn’t a table free but Jim noticed Molly had one to herself and swallowed.

“Busy,” Seb said to Jim after he had followed him in.

“Yeah… but… Molly has a table. She’d let us join her. If you can tolerate it,” Jim offered, his disappointment in having Sebastian not all to himself  evident.

“Yeah… maybe it’ll thin out in a bit,” Seb tried. Jim shrugged and made his way over to where Molly was sitting and nursing a glass of what could only be considered  red wine judging by it’s vaguely muddy red hue.

“Hullo Mols. Mind if we join you?” Jim asked, putting on his best fake personality. He knew it would wear thin quickly, but he could pretend for a bit.

“Oh! Jim! Hi!” Molly squeaked, “Sebastian! It’s good to see you again. Yes… please. Join me. It’s been a bit busy. John said he would join me in a bit…. And maybe Sherlock too,” she said with a blush. 

Seb narrowed his eyes at the change in her color and Jim rolled his. Molly had a crush then. On Sherlock. Seb wondered if she knew that he was involved with John.

“That sounds nice then,” Jim said, trying hard to make it sound less like he was spitting it out and more like he was just expressing himself. “I’ll get us a couple of pints then, yeah? Molly… more… Wine?”

“Oh… yes please,” she tittered and Jim went off in search of drinks, leaving Sebastian to deal with Molly and the crowd.

Sebastian smiled sweetly at Molly, but her eyes were scanning the room, more than likely looking for Sherlock. “So… you know John, do you?” Seb asked, trying to engage her in conversation.

“Yeah…” she said distractedly and then moved her gaze towards him. She smiled. “I was friends with his sister Harry when we were younger.”

“Oh,” Seb said, “we worked together in the Army.”  Molly nodded and her gaze fell to the door when it opened and her face nearly fell when Sherlock hadn’t come in with the new group of people. Sebastian gave up trying to make any kind of conversation with her after that, checking his emails on his phone instead.

Jim came back, managing to carry two pints and a glass of wine without spilling a drop. Seb put his phone away and smiled at Jim. The crowd had grown and Jim pulled his chair right between Seb and Molly in order to be able to hear them both over the din.

“It’s crowded,” Molly finally said as Jim sat down, as if she had just realized it. Sebastian nearly choked on his beer in response and Jim rolled his eyes.

“Yes… that’s why we joined you… that and your  _ scintillating _ conversation,” Jim gibbed at her. Molly blushed a little.

“I’m sorry Jim. I’m… I’m a bit distracted. Maybe… maybe it would be better if I… I just went home. Toby needs to be fed and I’ve got work in the morning. You on tomorrow?” she asked, pushing aside the half drunk glass of wine Jim had just gotten for her.

“Yeah… I am.” 

“Lunch then?”

“Maybe. I’ll text you if I can,” he said and she gave him a small pat on his shoulder as she rose. She gave Sebastian a nod as she left the pub.

“She’s….” Seb started to say, not really sure how to describe her.

“Yeah. That says it all. She’s head over heels about Sherlock. Can’t see a gay man for the trees.” Jim smiled. “It’s sad really. She and I… gave it a go… for all of three dates. Kissing a woman… it… it’s just…” Jim pulled a face and sucked down half his beer as if he was trying to rid himself of a sour taste in his mouth. Sebastian chuckled.

“I know. Kissed a girl once. Felt wrong. Too… soft.”

“Oh? You like the rough stuff then?” Jim said with his own soft smile. He looked up at Sebastian. His strong jaw was covered in a few days worth of stubble and his skin, while starting to pale from the London rain and weather was still a soft golden colour. 

_ “I wouldn’t mind kissing that mouth, that face… trailing my lips along that jaw,”  _  Jim thought to himself. He cast his gaze back down to his pint and wondered what the hell was wrong with him. He was letting Sebastian see too much of the man under the mask already.

Sebastian smirked at Jim and decided that he was finally going to throw him off balance a bit. He didn’t answer Jim right away. Instead, he moved a bit closer as if he wanted only Jim to hear him in the noisy din of the room. He turned his head and moved his mouth closer to Jim’s ear. Jim had been looking at him as if he was running through his mind what he would do to Seb and Seb found he liked that thought.

“Rough’s never been a problem for me,” Seb whispered in a gruff and deep voice, “but then again, I’ve never really found a partner who might be willing to challenge the depths of my depravity. No one’s up for the job.”

Jim felt the electric impulse run down from his brain, through his body along his spine and out to every last cell in his skin. Sebastian’s voice next to his ear, the words, the  _ tone _ , the very idea that this man was talking so innocently to him in public… it was enough to make him instantly hard. But other than the involuntary shudder he gave, Jim didn’t react at all. And if Sebastian was going to  tease… then Jim would tease right back.

Jim’s right hand found Sebastian’s thigh under the table. He stroked his muscled thigh through his work trousers and leaned in close to Seb’s ear himself. “And what exactly would make someone a worthy candidate to try that challenge?” he asked, “would anyone do or would it have to be the right person?”

Sebastian felt his breath hitch just a bit as Jim lay his hand on his thigh. He kept his gaze fixed upon the television in the corner of the pub, pretending to see whatever was on it, but not really seeing it. Jim’s  voice in his ear, the soft Irish brogue… it was enough to send him over the edge. He was no longer just playing. This was… this was something more than that. Maybe Jim was beginning to feel the same as Sebastian was feeling himself.

“The person would have to be very special indeed. There would have to be an instant connection between us…. And they would have to know this wouldn’t just be some short term thing. If… if I were to show that person the depths of my black soul… they would have to understand there was no turning back. Ever.”

Jim’s hand tightened a bit as Seb spoke.  _ “God… if I could be that man….to know what’s in there,” _ he thought to himself. He opened his mouth to retort when Seb’s attention was suddenly changed and he felt Seb’s thigh tense under his hand. Then he heard it too. John Watson’s voice and it was coming closer. Jim slowly removed his hand from Seb’s leg and Seb’s face turned to his for a moment, almost looking disappointed.

Sebastian heard John’s voice at the door. His hearing was good. Very good. And he saw John’s smile as he noticed Jim and him sitting together. He tensed his leg under the table in a reflexive manner, ready to stand at attention. Too many years of army training. But then he remembered he didn’t have to do it. He suddenly felt the cold spot on his leg from where Jim had removed his hand and he shot him a look. He didn’t understand why Jim was moving away. Oh… right… maybe he didn’t want anyone to know that they were flirting. And maybe that’s all it was… flirting. But Seb still felt disappointed and he turned his attention to his beer and his former commander.

John Watson sat with the two nurses and chatted easily with them. Sebastian found that he was comfortable enough in front of them both, but also felt as if something was… different. Something had shifted again between him and Jim. When John got up to use the loo, Seb turned to look at Jim. The pub had emptied out a bit and it was quieter.

“Alright then?” Jim shrugged at him. 

“Yeah… just tired. I have to work in the morning,” he said, looking at his watch. It was more than time he headed home if he was going to get any sleep. 

“Oh.” Seb said, feeling a bit disappointed at the fact he was leaving. He leaned in closer to Jim. “Why did you take your hand away?”

Jim’s face looked confused for a moment and then he smiled. “Oh? Well…. I wasn’t sure you wanted Watson to see us… doing whatever we were doing.”

“If I hadn’t wanted anyone to see us flirting, I wouldn’t have flirted with you in a public place like a pub,” Seb countered. He looked at Jim. “We were flirting. And I was serious about everything I said.”

Jim nodded, far too tired and far too tense with the false persona he put on to want to continue. He was developing a headache behind his eyes and he just wanted some quiet. “I’m sure you were, Seb. I’m going to head home. I’ll…. I’ll see you around then,” he said, getting up to leave. He took a few steps away, slinging his bag over his shoulder, but came back over and leaned in close to Seb’s ear. Sebastian could feel the heat of his breath on his skin and he felt his pulse quicken. “For the record, I was flirting as well. And next time… I won’t stop.” 

Sebastian wanted to turn his head and kiss him. But that… that wasn’t a good idea. He waited until the door closed behind Jim before putting his hand over his mouth and giving out a soft sigh.  _ “Yeah… this isn’t going to be good. I am falling for him. And if things go tits up… I’m out of a co- worker too.” _

Jim found that the cool air of the night was just the balm he needed. Sitting so close to Sebastian, whispering in his ear…  _ “I’m so fucked,”  _ he thought. _ “I’m heading down a dangerous path. One that I’ve walked before and it cost me so much. Medical school. My family… people I cared about. And now… what the hell is it about that beautiful blond god that keeps me from hiding who I am?” _

Jim headed back to his flat and fell asleep with Sebastian’s name on his tongue.

 

\---0000---

John Watson noticed the shift at the table the moment he came back from the bathroom. Jim was gone and Seb looked… distraught. He ordered them each a few fingers of whiskey and sat down across from him. He no longer had to yell over the crowd and they could talk like normal people.

“Jim went home then?”

“Yeah… he has to work in the morning,”  Seb said. He took a sip of the whiskey and felt the burn run down his throat. He had drunk far too much already without eating but he thanked his lucky stars he was off the next day. “Hey… John….” he winced at bit at calling his former commander by his first name, but it was a fact he would have to get used to. “Can I… can I ask you something?”

“Sure, Seb. It’s fine. Just ask,” John said, settling into his chair.

“Sherlock… he’s… he’s different. What… what’s the story there? He… I never thought he’d be the type to… to work on a unit, you know?”

John smiled and shook his head. “I wasn’t here yet, mind you. A lot of this… a lot of this happened while you and I were off… fighting. Saving lives. But…. have you met his brother yet?” Sebastian nodded his head and John chuckled. “He’s really not  _ that _ intimidating. Really. He’s all bluster. But… something happened to a patient when he was in his residency. Sherlock was in undergrad, just starting out. It… it affected them both. Badly. Since then… Sherlock’s taken the harder cases… the patients that most wouldn’t look at twice just to prove that he’s better than his brother.”

“It makes sense,” Seb said quietly, “my… my father is very much the same. Takes only certain cases.” Seb shook his head. “And you two?”

“What about us?” John teased, “no…. seriously… We met through friends. It… it was a flat-share at first. And then… we… well we work. It’s good and bad and different. He works too much. He’s obsessive. He’s brilliant and he’s good at it. Funny when he wants to be. And when he’s not... “ John shook his head. “What’s going on with you and Jim? Something starting there?”  John smiled at Sebastian. “He’s nice looking. Smarter than you know… he… he was pre med himself. Finished his first year of medical school before…”

“Before what?” Seb asked, leaning further in. 

“No… I… I don’t know anything. Really. Just… just something happened between him and Sherlock… something….” John looked at Seb. “You do know they were an item once, right?”

“Yeah… I did. But… it’s nothing as of right now. Nothing… just a little flirting.”

“Ah… flirting… just…” John looked at him carefully. “Just be careful Seb. I… I know how you are… I… I remember what you were like  after… after….”

“After Oliver died,” Sebastian added. He nodded. “I… I haven’t been… in anything like a relationship since. It… it was a long time ago John. Maybe… maybe it’s time to try again.” He took a moment to swallow down the rest of his drink and got up from the table. “I’m… I’m tired of being alone John. And even if things don’t work out with Jim… at least I can say I tried.” He gave John a clap on the shoulder before he left the bar and headed for home.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian had showered and lay down on his bed. It was dark and it was well after the hour he should have been asleep. But he found sleep didn’t want to come for him quite yet. John had stirred up memories that Sebastian had buried deep. Deep down into a black box in the back of his mind. But tonight they had escaped and he wiped his face with his hand. The cherry ember of his cigarette was all that glowed in his room and he sniffled a bit as he took a drag from it. Oliver had been gone ten years now. And he was… he was what Sebastian had hoped was going to be his future . Oliver was light and life and smiles and smoldering looks. He was warmth and sweetness. He was the man that Sebastian had fallen for, over and over again. And on one warm clear summer night… everything Sebastian knew had been taken from him.

Sebastian finally drifted off to sleep and he woke up in the early grey light of the dawn, his body coated in a fine layer of sweat. The nightmare of Oliver’s pale face looking up at him as he tried to revive him over and over again still clung to his mind like a leech and he turned to bury his head in his pillow and sobbed.


	5. Chapter 5- What Happens Next

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter we've been waiting for... well sort of. Jim and Seb's relationship changes.

##  Chapter 5

After one day, Donovan and Anderson never found the need to come back to St. Bart’s. Sebastian was relieved. Not that he had done anything wrong, he just didn't want to deal with anyone looking over his shoulder. He was a damn good nurse and he kept working at it. 

Sherlock found himself being restricted to working mostly during the day in order to control him some and after scaring off another three nurses (who put in transfers to the worst units in the hospital), Jim and Sebastian found themselves working days with him. They worked four shifts together and one off of the other, so that there was always one of them on. It wasn’t an ideal arrangement by Jim’s standards. He hated it. He never had a day off with Sebastian that they weren’t either dead tired or running their own errands. 

Jim had also noticed a change in Sebastian. He no longer played along with his casual flirting, resorting to an almost cool military type persona when they were around each other. He wasn’t sure why. But he knew that something had changed between them.

Sebastian had spent his time off after he and Jim had gone to the pub in bed. He had accomplished very little in his three days off. The wave of depression that had settled over him was nearly dangerous. He had fallen into this pit once before and he was happy that he at least had his job to focus on. Otherwise… he was sure that he would have ended up in the bottom of a bottle again or worse. Oliver’s death hadn’t been easy to deal with the first time around. And the memories that had come to visit him each time he tried to close his eyes were difficult at best. The depression was beginning to show on his face. The dark circles under his eyes. The paleness of his skin.  

Sebastian had also decided that he couldn’t go through with his plans to see how things would go with Jim. His heart was broken and he found himself thinking that he would end up in the same place again. And a second heart break… wasn’t worth it to him. He distanced himself from the attractive Irishman and found himself almost cold when they were together. The new schedule had Sebastian chomping at the bit. He hated it. He wanted to work in the dark. Because then he would be so tired he would sleep. And he wouldn’t dream. But that wasn’t happening.

Two weeks after the pub night, there was a patient death. Seb didn’t think much of it. Death wasn’t unusual on the oncology ward. But another one ten days later…. Followed by several more… after six weeks, the toll was up to fifteen. And Sebastian was waiting for the inspectors to come back. 

Seb took some time each day to try and review the patients’ charts. To see if there was something off about them. And then he saw it. He double checked it. He went back to a few more before he came to work at the hospital. And he found the same thing. He shook his head in disbelief. It couldn’t be true. But there is was. In black in white in front of him.

Sebastian mulled over these findings for several days. He hadn’t decided if he was going to do anything with them. So… he just let it go for now.

Any nurse in the world will tell you that it happens once in a million years. There is no reason for it. The stars aren’t aligned. There has been no human sacrifice. No strike. Nothing. But the halls were empty. The patients… there was one and he was there for observation. He was watching tellie and talking to his wife on his mobile. Sebastian found himself getting restless. He told the assistant on the unit he was going up to the roof for a cigarette and he headed to the lift. 

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian leaned against the rough brick of the wall of the hospital. He took a drag of his cigarette and felt the door open before he saw him. He kept his gaze steady at the city and didn’t look up when he felt Jim near him.

“Got another?” Jim asked. Seb nodded and handed him a cigarette, trying hard to not touch him. He kept his gaze forward. “Thanks,” Jim mumbled sounding disappointed.

“Welcome,” Seb said automatically.

They stood near each other smoking for a while and Jim turned to go. Seb looked at him for the first time and he wasn’t sure why he chose that moment to do so. But the words came tumbling out of his mouth.

“How many patients have you killed, here, total?”  Jim’s stride stopped and he brought his feet together. Slowly he turned and looked at Seb. “Excuse me?”

“I asked how many you’ve killed,” Seb said plainly. He had asked and he wasn’t backing down now.

Jim’s head tilted from side to side in a very reptile-like way. His dark eyes were almost black. Most men would take a step back and cower in fear at the look he was giving Sebastian at that moment. Sebastian, however, wasn’t scared. He had faced down death more times than he would like to count. 

“And why,  _ darling _ would you ask me something like that?” Jim said in his very sing song way.

“Because Jim… you were the last nurse assigned for the last patients who died. And… and it’s the only constant. Unless… you are covering it up for Sherlock.”

“Oh… so clever!” Jim praised Sebastian. “So clever… you found my little game. I… I want to kill… but…. I… I can’t just kill people. So… I… I take the lowest of the low. The… the worst people and… bring death to them early,” Jim explained calmly.

Sebastian said nothing, just absorbing the information. “Donovan and Anderson are looking at you. Sherlock could lose his medical license!”

“Never…. I wouldn’t let it happen,” Jim spat out. “He deserves to practice. Not like others.”  Jim’s body went tense and Sebastian sensed there was something more there. “You aren’t going to tell on me now… are you Sebby?” he cooed at Sebastian.

Sebastian swallowed. He looked at Jim and kept his eyes on Jim’s. “No.”

“That’s good Sebastian,” Jim said. “That’s very good.” Jim cleared the last bit of space between them. Sebastian could feel his breath on his skin and he… he felt right. 

Sebastian had felt the shift in the world a few times before. Once when Oliver looked at him for the first time across the mess hall. Once when Sebastian stared down his father and told him no, he wasn’t coming home to go to medical school. And once when he held Oliver’s hand as he lay in tatters on the metal table of the base’s morgue. But he felt it again, now. On the roof of a hospital in London.

Everything slowed down. The world slowed and he could feel each cell in his body screaming at attention. And then… everything sped up again. Sebastian felt his warm lips against Jim’s cool ones, his left hand gripping Jim’s slender hip tight and his right hand threaded into Jim’s dark hair.

Jim was shocked when Sebastian kissed him. Not that he didn’t think that Sebastian fancied him, but the way he had been acting for the last few weeks had made him feel like things had changed. But this kiss… Jim pulled back and laughed, with a genuine smile.

“That was unexpected.”

“It was,” Seb said. “I’m sorry. I… I don’t know what… came over me…” Jim smiled and realized they were still holding on to each other. 

Jim decided that it was high time to act on his own impulses. He pulled Sebastian tight against him and kissed him deeply. He traced the edge of his lips with his tongue, smiling as he did. Sebastian tasted of tea and tobacco… and something exotic and spicy underneath.  And Jim wanted to know if it was the same across his entire body.

Sebastian smirked a bit as Jim kissed him. He molded their bodies together, finding that it felt… right. He opened his mouth as Jim traced his lips and drew his tongue into his own mouth. He sucked on it and smiled. He took a breath and dove back in. His hand moved down from the back of Jim’s neck and along his spine. He rocked his hips against him and Jim let out a small moan. Seb sighed and it was interrupted by a buzzing. Jim smiled.

“Is that a mobile in your pocket or are you happy to see me?” Seb teased. Jim reached into his pocket and took out his phone.

“That was bad,” he said to Seb, leaning on him some. “It looks like we are missed. Sherlock’s sent seven messages.” He sighed and put his phone back into his pocket. “We’ve got a new one. And his nibs is looking for you.” Jim looked up at Sebastian and smiled. He leaned in for a kiss. “Come on… we…. We are both off tomorrow. We can finish this conversation later.”

Sebastian watched as Jim walked away. He smirked and followed, shaking his head. He was drowning and he found didn’t care.

 

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian held the patient over on his side as Jim fixed the bedding. He smiled and Jim gave him a smile back as their eyes met for a moment. He let the patient down gently and made sure his hand brushed Jim’s as they shifted the patient before rolling him over.

Sherlock came into the room and grunted at the two of them as he reviewed the chart. His face snapped up from the reading and he looked back and forth between the two nurses. “Really Jim?” he asked and Jim laughed a bit as he let the patient down. “And Moran… I expected better of you.”

Sebastian winked at Sherlock as he left the room to get more towels. Jim caught him in the corridor and dragged him  into a closet by his wrist. He grabbed him by the arse and kissed him hard and deeply. Seb’s teeth hurt from the way Jim hit them with his own. “God… that’s….”  Seb kissed him back and rolled his hips against Jim’s. “How much longer to the end of the shift?” 

Jim looked at his watch. “Twenty minutes. We… one of us has to chart. Then… yours or mine?”

Seb sighed. “I’ll chart. You… you can deal with his highness.”  Seb kissed Jim again and chewed on his lip. He let go and ran his hand up Jim’s groin. “Yours… please.”

Jim shivered at Sebastian’s touch. It was harder than he thought to be so close to him. He nodded his head. He watched as Seb went to sit behind the desk and chart, hiding his desire under the desk while Jim took a few extra moments to think of the worst things in the world before finding his feet and heading to Sherlock’s office.

_ \---0000--- _

Sherlock looked up and sneered at Jim as he opened the door without knocking and flopped down in the chair opposite him. Sherlock sighed dramatically and Jim merely smirked.

“What? I’m not allowed to snog someone in a broom cupboard? It’s not like I haven’t found you and John a few times…”

Sherlock’s face dropped. “You said you would never talk about that again,” he hissed.

“Jesus Sherlock…. Relax. It’s fine. I promised I wouldn’t… just… lay off Moran? Hmm?”

Sherlock waved his hand. “Fine… fine… but you get to be the one to tell him how much of an idiot you are.”

Jim smiled. “I think he knows already.”  He looked at his watch. “Now… if you will excuse me,  I have a wonderfully sexy man to take home and fuck me… you remember what that was like… right?”

Jim left the office before Sherlock could say another word and headed for the locker room. He put his things into his locker and grabbed his bag. He waited for Sebastian to come in and collect his things.

“Ready?” he asked. Seb smiled and invaded Jim’s space, pressing him against the lockers before leaning down and giving him a searing kiss. “I will take it that’s a yes?” Jim asked when he was allowed to breathe again. 

“That is one hell of a yes,” Seb smirked. 

_ \---0000--- _

Jim’s flat wasn’t the most expensive flat in the world. Nor was it the smallest. It was modest, clean and cozy. He had been living there for a while now, the one bedroom home on the top floor of a five story building. Sebastian leaned back against the dull shiny walls of the lift and waited for the doors to open. He and Jim had caught a cab back to the building, giving each other slow looks and burning gazes for the entire ride. They kept their hands to themselves and never spoke another word to each other since leaving the hospital. 

The doors pinged open and Jim set his feet along the familiar trail to his front door. He felt Sebastian’s eyes on his back and he smiled. The key slid into the lock and the door swung open without a noise. Jim stepped across the threshold and found himself pressed up against the wall just inside the door. The dim light from outside winked out as the door shut behind them and Jim could feel Seb’s breath on his face. It was warm and moist. Jim’s licked his lips and sighed.

“Are you just going to stand there or are you going to kiss me?”

Sebastian huffed out a laugh. He moved closer, his hands clutching Jim’s slender hips, slightly harder than he should have, normally. Sebastian’s mouth crushed against Jim’s and he felt the tug of Jim’s hands in his hair. He moaned into the touch and ground his own groin against Jim’s. 

Jim’s own desire pressed against Seb’s. 

“Bedroom,” Jim panted. He reached out as he broke away from Sebastian to turn on a light in the sitting room. He dropped his bag on his sofa and kicked off his trainers as he kept going. His socks, shirt and vest came next. He was down to his pants by the time he reached the bed.

Sebastian watched as Jim stripped his way to the bedroom and followed suit. He wasn’t far behind him, reaching to hook his fingers in the waistband of his briefs. He pulled down the last of the clothing that was covering his body. His erection sprung free and bounced a little under its own weight.

Jim watched with open eyes and smiled. “Oh… well… hello,” he said as he moved to the edge of the bed. He managed to wiggle out of his own briefs, showing the small thin trail of dark hair that led from the base of his cock up his belly, a stark contrast to his white skin.

“Look who’s talking,” Seb murmured, his voice deep and husky. He smiled as he crossed the room to Jim’s bed. He crawled up and over Jim, his cock large and dusty pink, full and leaking.

Jim leaned up and ran his hand down Seb’s well toned arm. 

“You’ve stayed in shape,” he said. “Not too many medics….”

Sebastian silenced him with a kiss. Not a passionate kiss, not one full of lust and want. But a kiss that was tender, sweet and… loving. Jim’s brain went off line for a bit, unsure what to think of next. It was a surprise. And he nearly gasped when he felt Sebastian’s hand wrap around his length and stroke him once… twice. His nails dug into Seb’s arms, creating small half moon breaks in the skin.

“Seb….” he said before his lips were once again engulfed in Sebastian’s. He kissed him back, letting one of his hands travel down and reach for Sebastian’s hand that was wrapped around his cock. Seb moaned as he opened up his own hand and took his length in their  joined hands. 

Jim bucked up a little more and rolled his hips. He kept kissing Sebastian and Sebastian found that he was close to coming. He had wanted their first time together to be so much more… but this… this was going to have to do.

“Jim…” he breathed out.

“I know,” Jim said before kissing down Seb’s jaw to his neck. He sucked a small bruise against the golden skin and Seb moaned again. It was music to Jim’s ears and he soothed the skin with his tongue.

“Close…” Seb panted, continuing to stroke them both. He swiped his thumb over their tips and used the leaking precum to lubricate his movements. Jim nodded and rested his head against Seb’s shoulder. He was close himself.

The room was dim, almost dark. Quiet other than the sounds of panting breath, and slicked skin. A few moans escaped their lips and Sebastian found that the noise alone was enough to finally send him over the edge. His orgasm ripped through him, his come hitting Jim’s stomach and his own hand.

“Fuck! Jim…..” Seb said, searching out whatever bit of skin he could press his lips against as he finished. He continued to stroke, the come helping to sooth the strokes more. “Come…. come for me Jim….” Seb encouraged.

Jim shut his eyes tight, listening to Seb’s encouragement. He was so close and Seb’s voice was enough to  finally push him that last bit. He moaned out, letting himself go and spilling over Seb’s hand.

Sebastian smiled and leaned down to kiss Jim’s lips. “You… you okay?” he asked.

“Hmm….” Jim hummed. “I am. You?”

“I’m fine… a bit… messy but good.” Jim leaned up and kissed his lips once more before wiggling out from under Sebastian and padding off to the bathroom. He took a moment to clean himself off, smiling. It had been a long time since he had felt the satisfaction of a good release and he looked at himself in the mirror. The man who looked back… wasn’t the same man that he had seen there just a few hours earlier. Everything had changed… but the question remained was if the man in his bed… was good… or going to turn bad.

Sebastian lay back on the bed, drinking in Jim’s scent. It… it was better than he could have imagined. But after a moment, we began to wonder if he hadn’t made a mistake. After all… Jim was a killer. But then again so was he. Jim… Jim just didn’t know that yet. 

Jim came back in with a warm wet flannel in his hand. Seb smirked at him and Jim tossed the cloth, hitting him square in the face. Seb laughed as Jim climbed into the bed.

“Thanks.”

Jim gave him a shrug and stretched out, really wanting to turn and lay against Sebastian. But he… he wasn’t sure that Seb would allow that.

“You staying?” Jim asked, finally turning on his side. 

“You asking?” Seb said, tossing the flannel towards the laundry basket in the corner of the room. 

“And if I am?”

“Then I will.” Seb turned on his own side and stroked Jim’s face with his fingers. “You are beautiful… you know that?” Jim’s eyebrow raised and Seb smiled. “You are….”

“You are full of shite,” Jim countered. “But you are one of… one of the most fantastic people I have ever met.”

Seb leaned in and kissed Jim’s lips quietly. “Baby… you haven’t seen anything yet.” Jim let out a laugh. Sebastian wrapped an arm around Jim’s slender waist and pulled him close. Jim’s hands rested on Seb’s chest. “I’m knackered.”

“It’s fine. Sleep. Because later…. Later I’m going to make sure you really are tired.”

“Whatever you say,” Seb said, pressing his lips to Jim’s forehead. He was quiet for a while and his breathing evened out. Jim thought he was asleep.

“Does Sherlock have any idea how many you’ve killed?” Jim stilled and opened his mouth to answer, closing it again and rethinking. He wanted to be honest with Sebastian. 

“Go to sleep,” Jim said, kissing his lips. “Just… go to sleep. We can talk about it tomorrow.”


	6. Chapter 6- Resentments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after and then we begin to learn a bit about Seb's story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are beginning to head up now. We are getting to learn more about each of their back stories. And who they were before they met.  
> Thank you to all the lovely people who have commented. It's lovely to see them!  
> I hope you keep enjoying the story.
> 
> But the biggest thanks go to Hibernia1. With out you this would be a grammatical nightmare. Thanks ever so much!

Having a day off together meant that Jim and Seb didn’t have to get out of bed for anything. They managed to finally get around to eating something around three the next afternoon, ordering Chinese. Sebastian was bold enough to pay the delivery boy while wearing nothing. Jim found himself laughing hard from the bedroom and Seb returned with the food to find himself thrown down on the mattress and shagged within an inch of his life. After that… cold noodles and egg rolls were pleasant.

Work however called for both of them at some point and Sebastian needed to return to his own small flat for clean clothing and to check that the place was still standing . They parted at the door to Jim’s flat, kisses and fond looks between them.

“I’ll see you in a few hours,” Seb said with a smile.

“Yes… and then… we’ll see what Sherlock will think of us now,” Jim said shaking his head. His eyes were soft and Sebastian rubbed his fingers lightly over the marks he had left on Jim’s pale neck with his passion.

“There is only one person whose opinion I care about….” Seb said, “and I just left his bed.” Jim swatted at Seb’s arm and blushed a bit. 

“Go on… or we’ll both be in trouble.” Seb nodded and headed home.

_ \---0000--- _

Jim had become restless, showering quickly. Not wanting to stay in his now empty flat, he dressed and headed to St. Bart’s early. He hoped he could steal a few moments with the children before his shift. They always calmed him when he was stressed and he was a bit worried about how fast he was falling for Sebastian. 

He sat in his usual corner, the children gathering around him. He helped adjust iv’s, tubing and other devices, so they could settle in and listen to his stories. He was the storyteller after all. And he felt right… as if this was where he belonged.

Dr. Mycroft Holmes swept through his ward, noticing several of his young charges were out of their beds.  _ “Ah… still in the playroom _ ”, he thought. He wondered if there was a movie or something! that had captured their attention. He went into the room and noticed that there was indeed something that had their rapt devotion. He cleared his throat and every face turned to see him, including some other nurses who were listening to Jim’s story. 

“I do believe that story time is over,” Dr. Holmes said in a firm but easy voice. “Back to bed please. Nurse Moriarty… if you have a moment.”

Jim smiled easily for the kids and gave a few of them a hand back to the ward before meeting Mycroft in the corridor. He had his bag slung on his shoulder and it was tugging on his shirt, showing off Sebastian’s handiwork on his neck.

“Once more I find that my authority on my ward is challenged. I have repeatedly asked you not to involve yourself with my patients,” Mycroft sneered at Jim. Jim looked up at Mycroft, a small smile playing on his lips. He may have been shorter than the doctor, but he felt like he towered over him.

“Telling these young people a few stories is hardly a criminal act,” Jim retorted.

“I do not want you anywhere near them.”

“I don’t want you anywhere near me…” Jim said with a sigh. “But you know what… I could just quit. Walk away altogether. And then what would happen? Hmm? Who would handle Sherlock for you?”

“For me? Ha… no one needs to deal with Sherlock,” Mycroft snapped.

“I’ve been handling Sherlock for you since Uni!” Jim yelled. “I’ve… I’ve been the one who has never told him how… how you slipped up when you were younger.”

“ _ I _ slipped up?” Mycroft asked looking at Jim, his face cold and flat. “And how do you figure that?”

Jim sighed. This had been coming for a long time. Jim had been wanting to  tell Mycroft  _ exactly _ what he thought of him for years. And now… he had his opportunity.

“Yes… you slipped up. You missed a first year medical student diagnosis. You… you cost someone their life,” Jim said simply, “third year. You may not even remember him. Small boy. Dark hair. Dark eyes. Irish. Barely alive. And you missed it.”

“I remember every one I’ve lost,” Mycroft spat out. He took a deep breath and put himself back together. “I never forget them.”

Jim stared at Mycroft, not blinking. It was almost unnerving, but Mycroft didn’t show any reaction. On the outside. “You killed him,” Jim said quietly. “You let him die.”

“And you knew what you were doing. You ruined your life Jim. You could have been a brilliant doctor. You had such potential. But… drugs. Sex… all of it. You fell down the rabbit hole of sin. You turned into a disaster. And you nearly dragged my brother down with you.”

“He’s his own man. He makes his own choices,” Jim said, turning on his heel, “I need to work now. If we are through… Myc.”

“James.” Mycroft pushed through the doors and into his ward, leaving Jim alone in the corridor.

Jim rubbed his face and sighed. Right. It was his fault. His fault that Sherlock fell down with him. He shook his head and headed towards his ward. 

Sebastian stepped out of the shadows from where he had been standing, He hadn’t meant to overhear Jim and Mycroft… but he had.

“Hi.”

“How much did you hear?” Jim asked, stopping in his tracks, glaring at Seb.

“Enough. I… I didn’t mean to. But…”

“But nothing,” Jim said, turning to head down the corridor. Seb didn’t need more than a few long strides to catch up with him. He didn’t say anything, just walked next to him. They walked into the locker room and Jim slammed his open, shoved his bag inside, got his things out and slammed out of the room. Sebastian stood there with a dumb look on his face, stunned. This wasn’t the man he had left just a few hours ago. Something… something had changed. 

_ \---0000---- _

Sebastian knocked on Sherlock’s office door and waited for permission to enter. “ I’m sorry, Dr. Holmes. May I have a moment of your time?”

“Of course,”  Sherlock said. “Please. Sit down.”

Sebastian sat down in the chair across from Sherlock and leaned forward, putting his elbows on his knees. “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Yes…. you should. I have a feeling you need… information. Correct?” Seb didn’t answer, but he did nod his head. “Yes, well… Jim and I were involved in Uni. We were both studying medicine at the time. My brother… he had graduated and was in his final year of training.” Sherlock sucked in a deep breath. “The next part isn’t mine to tell. But Jim and Mycroft… had an encounter that wasn’t pleasant. Jim… Jim dropped out of school. He became an addict. Drugs, drinking, sex… anything. At the time, I was… I was smitten enough with him, that I followed him down that path. We weren’t the best for each other in the end. We fed off of each other’s addictions as well as fed them. It all came to a head when Mycroft dumped me in rehab. Jim… Jim was left to fend for himself. He ended up moving in with my old friend Victor and they stayed together for a bit. Until Victor dumped Jim on my doorstep a few years later. I was halfway through my medical training. Jim was drunk, high and… well… I helped him clean up and here we are today.”

Sebastian nodded. He wasn’t sure what bothered him more. That Mycroft thought so little of Jim’s ability to be a good nurse or that Sherlock was so casual about the whole thing. “What is it about the children that Jim’s so drawn to?” Seb asked quietly.

“You’ll have to ask him. I… I can’t explain it,” Sherlock said. “Not that I don’t care to. It’s more… I don’t understand it.”

“Okay.” Seb sat there quietly for a while. “Something happened today.”

“I know.”

“Oh?”

“Yes… I can always read it on Jim’s face when my brother has… intervened in his life. I… I was rather hoping that it wouldn’t happen again. That you… that you could fill the void that Jim has in his life. But you aren’t quite there yet.” Sherlock narrowed his eyes at Sebastian and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. “You aren’t at all what I expected.”

“And what exactly did you expect?” Seb asked with a tired laugh.

“I’m not entirely sure. But either way… it’s not relevant. John speaks highly enough of you. And we’ll see what your father has to say. He’s consulting on a case later this week.”

Seb nearly blanched. His father. Was going to be there. On his ward. He rubbed his face with his hand. Great. Jim was being a dick and his father was going to be there too. Seb looked at his watch. His break was nearly over and he was due to go back on the floor.

“Go take a few extra minutes in the lounge. It’ll be fine,” Sherlock said, dismissing Sebastian. Sebastian got up from the chair nodding his thanks and headed to the lounge. A cup of tea might not hurt one bit and he was tired from his time with Jim.

_ \---0000--- _

Jim stomped through his rounds, making his tasks go quickly. He wanted to be where there weren’t any people. He was angry, raw and bristling at his encounter with Mycroft. And he had taken out a fair bit of it on Sebastian. But Sebastian didn’t understand. Jim shouldn’t ever be to blame for Sherlock’s following him into a drug and booze filled haze. That was all his own doing. And Sherlock got himself out. But Mycroft was the one to really blame for missing the diagnosis in the first place. It was his fault that… this had all happened.

After some time, his stomach rumbled with pangs of hunger and he decided to sneak to his bag and grab an energy bar he kept there. He opened the door to the locker room and thinking he would be alone came face to face with the man he had been in bed with for the last two days. Part of him wanted to reach out. To be held, to be soothed by the larger blond man, but part of him wanted to turn on his heel and walk away. His stomach made the choice for him in the end. He begrudgingly walked to his locker and pulled out his bar, stuffing it into his pocket before turning to head back out.

“Can you explain to me what I’ve done wrong?” Sebastian asked.

“What are you talking about?” Jim snapped.

“What I’ve done wrong. Because this morning you were curled around me and didn’t want to let go. Now… now you barely want to talk to me. I’ve done something to make you upset. And the least you can do is tell me what the fuck I did wrong!” Seb was beginning to be upset himself and he stood up from the chair he was sitting in. He stalked over to where Jim was standing and crowded his space. “It’s the least I deserve.

“The least you deserve?” Jim spat out. “That’s extremely self centered of you,” he said. “You… you think that you deserve to know what’s bothering me? That it involves you? That everything revolves around you?”

“No!” Seb ripped out. He took a breath, his chest nearly heaving with the effort not to explode. “No… but I want to know what’s got you so twisted you can’t even speak to me,” he said more quietly. He felt as if he was breaking apart and he couldn’t do that again. He was barely back together again as it was.

Jim seethed quietly and tried to find why he was so upset. Honestly, Sebastian hadn’t done anything wrong. He had only overheard a conversation between himself and Mycroft. He really hadn't done anything wrong. Jim sighed and looked at Seb, his anger at him dissipating.

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” Jim said quietly. He rubbed his face with his hand. “This… these are old resentments and old shit between Mycroft and I. He… he just struck a nerve earlier.”

“I see,” Seb said, crossing his arms on his chest. “I’m sorry he… upset you.”

Jim shook his head. “I sometimes wonder if that’s his main goal in life. To upset me.” He looked up at Sebastian. “I… I have things in my life that… that I’m defensive about. And Mycroft… he knows several of those soft places. He goes for them all the time. It’s rather annoying to be honest.”

Seb nodded.  He could see how  Mycroft did that.  He let his arms down, feeling more relaxed.  He looked at Jim and sighed. “So… now what?”

“Now what? I…” Jim shook his head. “I don’t know Seb.” He really wanted to curl up around the larger man. To let himself be held and to be comforted. To know the soothing way that Seb had about him, for himself. He wanted to tell Seb all his problems. To tell Sebastian about Richard and how Mycroft hurt him. How… how everything that had happened since Uni… all the bad things, were his fault. But… he wasn’t ready to share that part of himself. With anyone. Not yet.

He looked at Sebastian and swallowed. “I’m sorry I was an arse. Maybe… maybe we could get take away and you… you could stay?” Sure… Jim would love to have sex with Sebastian again. Sex with him was amazing. But… he wasn’t quite in the right frame of mind. Not yet anyway.

“Yeah… yeah, we can do that. I… I would need to run home and grab stuff for tomorrow. Would… yeah.” Seb looked at Jim and smiled for the first time in a bit. “Can… can I give you a hug?”

Jim moved towards Seb and let the other man fold him into his embrace. “Whatever it is… whatever he alluded to… I want you to know… it can’t be that bad.”

“It’s not bad,” Jim said wrapping his own arms around Sebastian’s waist. He was amazed how just being held like this was soothing to him. It wasn’t something he ever expected. But there it was. “It’s just… personal and it still stings. Even after all this time.”

Sebastian said nothing, just holding Jim for as long as he was allowed to. He noticed a change in Jim and he smiled to himself, happy that he was able to do that for him.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian swiped his Oyster card and beckoned Jim through the gate. They were heading to his flat to pick up a few things for the next day, then they’d go back to Jim’s for the night. Jim didn’t mind. He wanted to be around his own things, not in a stranger’s home. Even if that stranger was Sebastian. He just needed to be around the last few things of Richard’s he had… even if they were boxed up and put on a top shelf in the closet. He didn’t care that he hadn’t looked at them in years. But… for some reason, just knowing they were close made a difference.

The previous night’s shortened sleep and the emotions of the day had Jim running nearly on empty. They easily found two seats on the car and Jim leaned against Seb as the train began to move. Seb wrapped his arm around Jim’s waist and he cuddled further into him like a cat.

“My very own kitten,” Seb said with a smile, placing a kiss on the top of Jim’s head. 

“Call me Kitten again and I will turn you into a tiger skinned rug,” Jim drawled. The threat seemed empty with his yawn and sleep slurred speech. Seb chuckled a little. 

“Right… whatever you say.”

“I mean it, ‘Bastian. Don’t call me that.” His voice was a bit sharper than before and Seb noticed he had gotten a little tense.

“I won’t,” he promised. “Sorry.”

Jim sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “No… I am. I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah… it has been.” Sebastian stared out the window of the train into the blackness of the London tube. He let his thoughts trail off for a while and he felt Jim’s warmth next to him. He grew heavier as time went by and Seb wondered if he had fallen asleep. He squeezed his hip a bit as they neared his station. “Jim… this is us.”

Jim had been floating in and out of space, the rocking motion of the train lulling him almost to sleep.

“Hmm? Right… yeah…” he sat up a bit straighter and rubbed his hands over his face, trying to wake up some. He would offer to pay for the cab back to his, as this was a longer trip and he wouldn’t make it back awake if he was going to fall asleep so easily.

Sebastian got up from his seat and secured his bag over his head and rested it on his shoulder. “It’s a short walk. Promise,” he said after a few seconds. He got off the train and made sure Jim was behind him. By the time they reached the street level, the sun was setting and the street lamps were beginning to cast their yellow light over the area. Seb stuffed his hands into his pockets and walked quickly, not wanting to be out for too long. Night in the city made him edgy. He was all too familiar with what was out there. He knew what kind of people lurked in the shadows. And he wasn’t ready to see that side of life again.

Jim stayed close to Seb, his self preservation instincts offline. Besides being tired, he found that just being near Seb made him feel as if nothing could happen to him. 

They arrived at a nondescript concrete building and Seb nearly ran up the steps to the main door. He used his key to open it and held the door for Jim to pass through. They hadn’t said a word in a while and Seb found that instead of this being awkward, it was a fairly comfortable silence. 

Sebastian led them up to his third floor flat, the corridor outside dim and dingy. Seb shrugged at Jim as he opened the door. “It’s cheap and most of the time it’s quiet. I… I’m used to living in the middle of a war zone. So honestly, this isn’t too bad.” He pushed  the door open and flicked on the lights. “Make yourself at home. I won’t be long.” 

Sebastian disappeared down the hall to his bedroom. The small one bedroom flat wasn’t much bigger than a shoebox, and it was sparsely decorated. Jim milled around the living room, taking in the small but functional tellie, a rather large collection of well read books and a few photos tacked here and there. Some more formal ones in frames, the rest just stuck here and there. He picked up a photo that was framed in a silver frame. Sebastian. Younger, but still him. His rugged good looks, chiselled jaw line… it was him but softer somehow. As if the innocence of youth was still clinging to him. He was wearing his Eton collar and Jim smiled. Must have been around the time he graduated.

A few others seemed to be after he was in the army. Sand all around and the sun shining brightly above him. His hair was more blond when it wasn’t covered in a helmet. Jim felt drawn to a few photos that were stuffed in a pile near the back of a shelf. He picked them up and found Seb in a group quickly, but then as he flipped through them, he noticed that the groups became smaller until it was just Seb and one other. Darker, olive toned skin. Eyes the same green as emeralds. Curly black hair kept short and military buzzed. The first few pictures were innocent enough, but as he continued down the pile, he could see the relationship develop. He stopped on the final one in the pile.

“That’s Oliver. That… that one was taken the day he died. Just a few hours before.”

“Oh… I’m sorry,” Jim said, putting the pile back where he had found it. He didn’t apologize for looking at them and Seb licked his lips. “He was one of the soldiers at the hospital that was stationed there to keep us medical staff safe. We… we talked about coming home together when his tour was up. He wanted to be a teacher. But…” Seb swallowed down the lump of emotions that was in his throat. “An IED got him in the end. I.. I re-upped. Nothing to come home to or for after that.”

“He looks… he was handsome,” Jim said. Seb gave him a small smile.

“He was. Not much taller than you. Slender but…” Seb chuckled. “Fast and strong. You didn’t want to meet him in a dark alley at night.”

Jim returned the smile. “We all have ghosts, don’t we,” he mused, looking out of the window. It was dark now and he couldn’t see much beyond the wall of the next building.

“That we do Jim,” Seb said, gathering a few more things and stuffing them into his bag. “I’m done… if you still want to….”

“Yeah… please,” Jim said, turning to look at Seb. “Let’s get a cab though. It’ll be faster.” Sebastian nodded in agreement and it wasn’t long before they were on their way to Jim’s place, a bag of Thai food resting on the seat between them.


	7. Chapter 7- Past and Presents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We learn a little more about both their pasts and there is a gift given.
> 
> TW- death, drugs and depression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that everyone who is still with me is enjoying this. This is where we begin to learn more about the boys.   
> It's Mormor... so expect things that aren't normal from them.

##  Chapter 7

Jim shifted in his sleep and woke up. Sebastian’s arm was tightly holding him in place. He was cold with the slick sick sweat of a nightmare clinging to his skin. He managed to remove Seb’s arm and crawled out of the bed, moving as quietly as he could. His mind was still giving him images that he would rather forget. Things he had buried deep in his head and locked away years ago. He made himself a cup of tea, hoping that the warmth of it would calm him, but he sat on the sofa, curled up, letting it go cold in his hands. He didn’t drink a sip. Near dawn, his eyes heavy with missed sleep, he put down his mug and finally gave into the desire he’d had since he had awoken.

On quiet light feet, Jim moved to the closet in his bedroom. Sebastian still slumbered in his bed and Jim gave him a small smile as he took down the box and moved back to the sitting room. He turned on one light,low,  just enough to see, and sat looking at the box on the coffee table before him for a long time. He didn’t care to open it again. But he knew from experience it was the best way to push through it. To get past his current issues. He finally lifted the top off the box and pulled out the few things inside of it. A well loved stuffed rabbit. Floppy ears and sad face. Its fur was missing in more than a few places, but it was soft and loved. Jim held it tight to his chest, as he pulled out a few pictures. Ones from when they were younger, happy. Jim smiled at the love in his eyes and the mirror image in Richard’s. It was beautiful and he teared up a bit. But the photos went on. Richard look thinner. Paler. His eyes had begun to lose their shine. Then the hospital photos. Richard without his hair. Jim’s cropped short in solidarity… the tubes and the peaceful way that Richard looked when he was sleeping. More than likely the only time that he wasn’t in pain.

Sebastian stirred when he heard Jim in the closet. He opened one eye and noticed that something was different about him. Something… off. Sad. Quiet. He closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep. He noticed that the bed had been cold for some time. He figured that Jim had had a nightmare and had gotten up so as  not to disturb him. He smiled at the thought and lay back. He drifted between asleep and awake for a bit before deciding that falling asleep  wasn’t happening again. 

Seb climbed out of bed and used the toilet. He didn’t notice that he was naked. It was something he had gotten used to in the service, being able to walk around without a care in the world. He stood in the living room doorway, watching Jim. He wasn’t sure if he should disturb him quite yet, but after a bit he walked over to the sofa and sat down next to him. He pulled the light throw from the back of the sofa and wrapped it around them both, warding off a bit of the morning chill.

Sebastian looked at the pile of photos on the table and the rabbit still clutched in Jim’s hand. He nodded towards it. “What’s his name?”

“This is Mr. Cuddles,” Jim said. His voice was low and held a mixture of fondness and sadness. 

“He was well loved,” Seb noted,. “must have been a childhood friend then.”

“He was. Richie… he was given the rabbit and I had… a cat. He was always Bunny and I was always Kitten,” Jim said. Seb nodded. It made sense now. 

“I’m sorry. I… I didn’t know.”

“I know you didn’t. It’s… it’s fine honestly. Part of me… liked it. No one has called me that since…”

Seb nodded towards the pictures and Jim closed his eyes. The nod he gave Seb for permission was so slight that it was almost hard to perceive. Seb picked them up and noticed the similarities between them right away . 

“I’m older,” Jim said, “five minutes. Ma used to say that I came into the world with a bang and Richie… he slipped in when things were quiet. And that’s the way we were in life. He was such a gentle soul.”

Sebastian smiled and flipped through the rest of the photos quickly, putting them down and pulling Jim against him. “You were in Uni then…”

“I was. Richard…. He deferred. He was too sick at that point,” Jim shook his head. “The funny thing is, that for all the damage the cancer caused. For all the treatments he suffered through… it was a simple staph infection that killed him. One that Mycroft wouldn’t listen to me about… one that… that I saw for weeks. One… one that could have been treated so easily….”

Sebastian understood so much more now. He moved closer to Jim and put his arm around his waist. Gently he moved them back so they were resting on the back of the sofa cushions. He didn’t say a word, but just let Jim rest against him as long as he wanted.

“I… Richie wanted to be a teacher,” Jim said after a bit, “for little ones… it’s… it’s why I spend time with the kids on the ward. They… they need the attention and I feel like I’ve giving them something that Richard could have… if… if he… he hadn’t…” Jim let the tears fall down his face. Seb said nothing, just held him as he turned to his naked chest and cried. After a bit, Jim’s sobs died down and he was able to regain his control. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare apologize,.” Seb said. He reached up and tenderly touched his tear stained cheeks. He wiped the last bits of tears away and kissed him.

“Ew,” Jim said, “I must look  _ so _ attractive right now.” A small manic giggle passed his lips and Seb smiled at him endearingly.

“You are beautiful. You are always beautiful,” he said before leaning in and kissing him again. “Now… here’s the plan. We are going back to bed. I am going to make love to you. And then… you’ll call off work for the day. I’ll go in and you sleep. Then tonight… I’ll come back with the worst garbage filled pizza I can manage to get my hands on. We’ll watch a crap movie, have sex and sleep in each other’s arms….” Seb sat up a bit more forward on the sofa. “Unless of course your other boyfriend has plans for you tonight.”

“Boyfriend….” Jim said quietly. His voice was slightly…. Awed. “I haven’t had one of those in a long time.”

“Me neither… is… is that okay?”

“It’s… it’s nice,” Jim admitted. “And your plan is flawed.”

“Oh? What’s the flaw?”

“I’m going to make love to you…” Jim smirked at Seb. Seb nodded. 

_ “Alright,” he thought to himself. “Sex isn’t the best way to chase away demons, but if it’s what Jim needs right now….” _ He stood up from the sofa, the blanket falling away from his lean and toned body. He offered his hand and Jim grabbed it. They went to the bedroom and shut the door.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian sat in report and sighed. He missed having Jim there with him. Sherlock looked at Seb and at the chair where Jim usually sat. He looked back at Seb and Sebastian shook his head. Sherlock blew out a breath from his nose and nodded once. He knew that things weren’t easy for Jim .

The shift was fairly quiet, Sebastian found himself looking for things to do. Just after his lunch break, that he had spent on the roof, smoking, Sherlock sought him out, calling him into his office.

Sebastian took the chair opposite the tall doctor. Sherlock was reading a file and closed it, finally looking up at Sebastian.

“We have a new admission coming up within the hour. He’s… he’s a special case. He is the one your father will be consulting on. I suspect your father will be here shortly.” Sherlock droned on, “I would like you to personally handle this one while you are still here today. The patient… he’s having a hard time with his treatments. His mental health is plummeting. His own son is not well and is currently on Dr. Holmes’ ward.”

“Oh? I’m sorry to hear that,” Sebastian said, trying to make himself appear calm. He didn’t want to show Sherlock how affected he was by his father’s impending visit, but he was a professional after all. He could act that way no matter the situation. “I appreciate your… confidence in me. Thank you. And if that will be all….”

“Yes… rather,” Sherlock drawled, his attention firmly back on the papers in front of him.

Sebastian left his office and looked at his watch. It was close enough to his time to take a short break. He told the other nurse on the floor he was stepping off for a few and headed up to the roof, his phone tightly gripped in his hand. He sent out a text to Jim, hoping that he was awake.

[Seb]  Hey,  just wondering if you’re awake. How are you feeling?

[Jim]   I’m up. I slept a bit this morning. How’s work? And I’d rather not talk about how I’m feeling to be honest.

[Seb] I’m sorry. It’s been boring without you. But Sherlock just asked me for assistance with an admission.

[Jim] That’s good, right?

[Seb] No. It’s a case my father is consulting on. He’ll be here shortly. And the patient is having a hard time. Apparently his child is on the ward.

[Jim] Name?

Seb shrugged. He didn’t know why Jim might want to know who the patient was, but he didn’t care too much either. 

[Seb] Henry Darvill.

Jim glared at his phone.  _ “Shite…” Jim said to himself. “Shite shite shite… that means that Billy is back on the ward. This isn’t good. And yeah… it would end up in a bad place…. Well …. At least I know who I’m going to look at next.”  _

[Jim] Would you do me a favour?

[Seb] Sure.

[Jim] Before you come back, go to the ward. See if William Darvill is the child there. See if he’s okay?

Seb couldn’t decide if Jim was concerned or if he was curious. Texts were funny that way. But in the end, stopping by and talking to the nurses… it wouldn’t do any harm.

[Seb] Sure thing. And I’ll be there before you know it. 

[Jim] Counting the minutes. I’ll see you soon. And for what it’s worth, I miss not being there with you too. 

[Jim] Btw, thanks for this morning. I needed it.

[Seb] No problem. It’s what boyfriends do, right?

Jim smiled at his phone. Boyfriend. He was still having a hard time with that concept. Sebastian was his boyfriend. 

[Jim] It is. Go back to work. And if your father gives you a problem, think of what I’ll do to you when you get here.

Sebastian smiled broadly at his phone.  _ “Yeah… okay. Having a boyfriend, especially Jim,was going to be good. Someone to go home to at night. To share a bed with. To… just talk to and be with. Especially if my father is going to be around. That’s… yeah. It’s good,” Seb thought. _

[Seb] See you later then. :)

[Jim] You really didn’t just send me a smiley face, did you? Are you a twelve year old girl?

[Seb] You fucked me this morning. You tell me.

Jim rolled his eyes at his phone but smiled. He decided that it was the end of the conversation and put his phone back onto the bedside table. He had spent the day in bed, lounging and drifting between sleeping and waking. It felt… good. He was a bit sore from sex and a bit sore from crying, but he felt good overall. More at peace with everything than he had in a long time.

Jim finally flipped back the covers and climbed out of bed, and started stripping the sheets. He tossed them into the laundry, pulling out fresh ones and remaking the bed. He knew he needed a shower and he smirked at himself. He rummaged around in his drawer, pulling out something he had forgotten he owned until just that moment. A small smile that graced his face grew larger as he moved towards the bathroom and turned on the taps.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian made it back to the floor, just as his father and the newest patient came onto ward. He nodded his head at his father and took report from the nurse, quickly and efficiently before helping to move the patient to a bed. He took his vitals and looked to Sherlock and his father for further orders.

Sherlock had nearly run into the room when he knew that Dr. Moran was there. He was bouncing around him like a puppy and Seb had to hide a smile. He licked his lips and sighed. “The orders are on the chart,” Sherlock said with a wave of his hand. “You can enter them in.”

“Excuse me… may… can someone help me sit up a bit?” Mr. Darvill asked. Seb nodded and came to the bed, helping Mr. Darvill reposition himself. Seb’s phone pinged in his pocket. Sherlock ignored it but Dr. Moran raised an eyebrow at Seb. Seb turned his back when he was finished with the patient and read the text from Jim.

[Jim] Bring back more lube. We’ve seemed to run out.

Sebastian let out a small laugh before pocketing his phone again and turned back to make sure the IV pump was working properly. Sherlock caught his smile and rolled his eyes.

“He doesn’t seem to be feeling ill now,” he said. Seb just shrugged. 

“Maybe he just didn’t want to deal with snotty arse doctors,” Seb handed back to Sherlock. He smiled  a bit at him and Sherlock rolled his eyes.

“You are made for each other.”

“And you and the short one aren’t?” Seb jibbed. Dr. Moran hadn’t said a single word until this moment. He had enough of listening to the doctor and his son trade remarks back and forth. He assumed that they were friends but… he had been drinking in the conversation.

Dr. Moran cleared his throat. “Sebastian. That will be all. You have… orders to place.” He gave his son a look from his head to his toes and back again, disgusted with what he saw. It had been years since he had seen him and the last time… Sebastian wasn’t in a good place.

“Of course. Excuse me,” Seb said, leaving the room after a small pat on Sherlock’s shoulder. Sherlock turned his attention fully to the more experienced doctor and waited for his instructions.

Sebastian sat at the desk and expected Sherlock to be the one to come out and see him first. He didn’t look up when a shadow crossed his papers and he snorted. “Done falling all over yourself?”

“Sarcasm is the lowest form of communication, Sebastian,” Dr. Moran’s voice said. “Really. I expected better of you.”

“Well… I aim to please,” Seb said, sitting back in his chair and looking up at his father. He tried to appear confident, at ease. But it was an act. His father’s gaze, his glare and his harsh words were known to send Sebastian into the deep bowels of his own minds and the deeper darker harshness that was London’s underbelly.

“So… done already?” Seb asked.

“For today. I’ll be back tomorrow.” Seb nodded. “Do you have plans for dinner?”

Sebastian stilled. His father. Was asking him about dinner. This was… odd. It took him a moment to recover. “I do. However, I could meet you… for coffee before you come in tomorrow?” Sebastian was off tomorrow and he could do that. Coffee. Short. Not a full meal. And then… back to bed with Jim or… home. Yeah. Home… he hadn’t spent much time there in days and Jim had to work tomorrow. 

“That would be acceptable.”

“I could meet you here… say… seven?”

“That would be… sufficient,” Dr. Moran said. He didn’t say another word, turned on his heel and left the ward without another sound. Seb let out a breath and rubbed his face with his hands. 

“My mother does the same thing to me,” Sherlock said from behind him. “Come.”

He lead his nurse to his office and pulled out the same bottle of scotch he had shared with Jim. He poured them each a measure and recapped it. He put the bottle in his drawer. Before either of them could drink it, the door was knocked  and John Watson  came in, shutting the door  quickly behind him. 

“Hey… babe. Just wanted to see how… oh… sorry. Moran.”

“Watson,” Seb said with a smirk. The old friends shook hands and John planted himself on Sherlock’s desk. He picked up Sherlock’s glass and took half of the measure for himself before handing it to Sherlock with a small kiss.

“John… really,” Sherlock said, rolling his eyes. But the corners of his mouth curled up into a small smile. He leaned towards John a bit and John rested his hand on his shoulder.

“So… things went well with Dr. Moran then?” John asked.

“As well as they could,” Sherlock said. 

“For you maybe,” Seb muttered.

“Oh… I’m sorry,” John said, “I forgot… who he is.”

“He won’t let me…” Seb said.

“Yes, yes…. Daddy issues. We all know Moran. But that’s not why I asked you in here. I… I need to know… should… should I stop by James’ tonight? Is… is he in…”

“He’s fine,” Seb cut Sherlock off quickly. Sherlock look offended but softened after a moment. “I mean… I left him sleeping this morning. And yeah… it was a rough night. But… I think he’s fine. If his texts are anything to go by, anyway.”

“Good. Fine,” Sherlock said.

“Wait.. what? What did I miss?” John asked. “You… Moran you and Jim?”

“Yes… they are,” Sherlock interjected. “And… he and Mycroft….”

“Fuck me….” John said, running his hand over his face. “Tell me it was… only screaming. No punches this time.”

“Just talking,” Seb said. He licked his lips and finished his drink. “Look, I had better finish up. It’s almost time to go. And… I have a few things to do before I get back to Jim’s. I… I promise. I’ll call if anything….”

Sherlock nodded at this arrangement and Seb got up and stopped just shy of the door. “For what it’s worth, Sherlock…” he said, not calling him Dr. Holmes for the first time to his face, “I know that Jim appreciates the concern. But… you don’t need to feel guilt or anything. You… you weren’t the one responsible.”

“Ah… and that’s where you might be mistaken,” Sherlock said, “Jim… he hasn’t told you everything then. He… he still blames me for a lot of it.”

John cleared his throat and moved closer to Sherlock. Seb nodded and left the office. In the back of his mind… things began to swirl. He wasn’t sure what to make of any of it. But somewhere between the two stories, lay the truth. It didn’t matter. In the end, Jim was broken and Seb hoped that he could hold him together.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian knocked on Jim’s door and he heard Jim’s footsteps on the other side. He opened it and smiled at the sight. Sebastian, his hair still wet from the quick shower he had taken at home, causally dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. His leather jacket was wet with the few drops of rain that had started to fall outside. 

“Well… I was waiting for someone else… but you’ll do,” Jim teased as he stood back to let Seb pass. Seb snorted once and bent to kiss him on his way past. 

“Hi honey… I’m home.”  He thrust the pizza box in Jim’s direction and went to put his things in the bedroom. He came out, his jacket shed and his shoes as well. He looked casual. As if he lived there.

“Ah… good. Pizza. I’m starving,” Jim said. Seb nodded and smiled as he moved to the kitchen, a bottle of wine in his hand. He rummaged around to find the opener and took a moment to pour them each a glass. Jim had settled on the sofa and was already half way into his first slice.

“Sorry,” he said, “I’m hungry.”

Seb smiled, kissing him on the top of his head and handing him a glass of wine. Jim chewed and swallowed, taking a sip of the wine and his eyes widened. Seb grabbed a slice of pizza and began to eat.

“Are you fucking joking Moran?” Jim asked, taking another sip of the wine.

“What?”

“Is this… is this a  1945 Marques de Riscal ?” Sebastian shrugged.

“Yeah?”

“You bought this? On your way here?”

“Nope. Something in my collection. I thought red with pizza. Is that… is that okay?” Seb looked at Jim, confused. 

“Sebastian… this is a hard wine to find and you… you thought it would… a rare Spanish red. With pizza.”

“Yeah. That’s what I said.”

“I… I want to know how your brain works,” Jim said in a low voice. Sebastian wasn’t sure if he should be frightened that Jim might just open up his skull or take his remark at face value. He wasn’t scared. Quite the opposite. For the first time in a long time… Seb felt peaceful.

“Look… I have a fair amount of wine. And this one… looked right.” Jim smiled and sat back, savoring the wine on his tongue. Seb took a sip of his own. “Alright… it’s a bit pretentious of me. But I… I wanted something good, alright? Crap pizza, a brilliant wine and a handsome, beautiful man. After the day I’ve had…”

“Oh… right. Your father,” Jim said, realizing that he hadn’t even asked Seb about work. Or anything else. Seb shook his head. 

“Later, love. Not really wanting to retell it right now. What I do want to know is…  how are you?”

“Better. Especially now that you’re here. With the pizza that is,” he said. Seb laughed.

“Prat.”

“Dick.” They smiled at each other and finished off most of the pizza. 

Jim leaned back on the sofa and savoured the wine as he let it dance on his tongue. He closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over his slightly bloated belly. 

“I’m glad we are already sleeping together. Because right now… if I had to try and pull you… I don’t think I could.”

Seb moved a bit and leaned against the arm of the sofa, stretching out his longer body. He beckoned Jim towards him and Jim put his glass down, crawling forward and settling between Seb’s legs, his back against his chest before picking up the wine again. “Not a problem. You’re not my type anyway,” Seb said flopping his arm over Jim’s belly and rubbed small circles on it while planting a kiss on the top of Jim’s dark hair. He took a deep breath, cataloguing Jim’s scent for another time.

“Right… what is your type, then?” Jim asked, a smile playing on his lips.

“You,” Sebastian said, his voice going serious. Jim turned to look at him, confused. Seb shook his head. “Sorry. Dark thoughts.”  

“Oh?”

“Yeah… look… there are things… things I haven’t talked about. Admitted. I’m… I’m not as… innocent as you might think.” 

“I’ve never thought you… innocent,” Jim said.

“Look Jim… I’ve… I…” he sighed and decided it was time to tell Jim a lot more than he had. He took his wine and downed the rest of it in one go. Jim whimpered at the sight and Seb smiled. He knew that Jim was reacting to treating a good wine like that, but he needed the alcohol more than anything at the moment.

“After Ollie died… I was granted a short leave. Three months. The thing is… you aren’t the only one who… who fell into a rabbit hole. I… I was a drunk. Addicted. A mess. My father bailed me out twice. And… after that… he left me to rot. The last time I saw him before today… I was standing on his doorstep. I was a mess. Coming down off a bender. Dirty. Wet and well… he slammed the door in my face.” Seb took a moment to breathe. “I killed a man in an alley that night. I don’t remember much of it, to be honest. I just know I fucked him then broke his neck. Ruled an accident. The police… said he fell off of some stairs after drinking. So… yeah.”

Jim didn’t say anything. He put his wine down and turned to Seb, cupping his face in his hands. 

“36,” Jim said.

“Excuse me?”

“You asked me a question right before we kissed for the first time,” Jim said. Seb nodded, understanding now. “You are… you are so beautiful. You have no idea… so… wonderful.” Jim leaned in and kissed Sebastian.

Sebastian was a bit… shocked. Jim wasn’t disgusted with him. He thought he was beautiful and Jim was… Jim was so brilliant he outshone every star in the sky. Sebastian knew that he was in deep and he kissed Jim back. 

Jim moved his hands down to rest on Seb’s chest and he looked  into his eyes deeply. He leaned in and kissed Sebastian again. Jim felt something inside of him… snap. Not in a bad way, but it just… snapped. He felt free. Safe. Loved even. But it… it was too early in their relationship for that, wasn’t it?

After just a few moments, their kisses got deeper, more heated. Sebastian tugged at the bottom of Jim’s shirt, his hands finding the soft skin underneath. Jim moved so he was more on top of Seb and sat back on his thighs. “Seb… I.. I’m sorry about this morning.”

“Don’t be. We… we have some serious… issues. No one comes without baggage. It’s fine. We.. we both have to understand that we… that we are…. Not young and stupid. We.. just need to come into anything… any relationship with our eyes wide open. Yeah?”

Jim looked at Seb for a bit. He tilted his head to the side. “I… I can’t believe that I… you…” he couldn’t say another word. He pressed himself up against Sebastian. He pushed up his shirt and kissed him hungrily. He ground his hips down and raked his nails down his sides. “Take me to bed,” Jim breathed out.

“Of course… “ Seb  said, grabbing Jim under his arse, shifting himself to standing. Jim curled his legs around Seb’s waist and hung on tightly, kissing him as they went. “God Jim…”

“I want you.”

“Ditto…”

Sebastian moved them into the bedroom, sitting Jim down on the edge of the bed. He stepped back long enough to take off his clothes and he looked at Jim. His pupils were blown, his lips… slightly swollen. He was… he was exactly what Seb needed.

Jim let go of Seb the moment he hit the bed and he pulled his t-shirt over his head. He tossed it away somewhere and licked his lips at Seb. God… the man was beautiful. Sculpted and scarred. Tattooed and just downright delicious. Jim lifted up his hips and took his jeans and pants off. He reached down and stroked his already hard cock with one hand, his eyes half lidded.

Sebastian leaned down and stroked his own cock. “Fuck… I… I don’t know if I can last long enough to open you up… I… I just want… God I want you.”

Jim giggled a bit and rolled over onto his stomach. “I took care of that already love,” he said, wiggling his arse in the air.

“Oh? You… you naughty…” Seb smacked Jim’s arse and growled. Jim looked back at Seb over his shoulder. His arse wiggled again and Seb moved his fingers from where he had left them resting on Jim’s cheek. He grabbed the end of the black glittered silicone butt plug and pushed on it slightly, moving it in and down a bit. He knew he hit the right spot when Jim made a noise that shouldn’t have been possible to make with human vocal cords.  “Oh… fuck.”

“Just… shit Seb… fuck me…” Jim said, all playfulness out of his system. He was ready and waiting.

Seb didn’t hesitate for a moment. He grabbed Jim and pushed him back on his back. He grabbed him by the hips and crawled between his legs. He reached for the lube and slicked up his cock after rolling on a condom. He didn’t hesitate before grabbing the plug and removing it, swiftly but carefully. No matter how much lust he was filled with… he never wanted to hurt Jim. He shifted Jim’s legs to cover his own muscular thighs. He lined up his cock and grabbed Jim around the waist. He pulled him closer as he pushed in. 

Jim moaned out as Seb pulled him and he leaned in for a kiss. “Fuck…” Jim said. He wrapped his arms around Seb’s neck and adjusted himself so that he could take Seb. “You… you feel so good.”

“So hot… tight…” Seb said as he held Jim around the waist and began to move. He bucked up into him and set a slow pace. He kissed down Jim’s jaw and neck, moaning at how good he felt. He moved down further and took Jim’s nipple in his teeth and tugged slightly.

Jim moaned out and dug his nails into Seb’s back. “Seb… God... “ he said, bucking down, riding Seb as good as he was fucking him.

Their voices fell silent, the only sounds in the room was their ragged breathing, moans and gasps as they continued to fuck. After he quickened his pace, Seb reached down between them and stroked Jim’s hard erection. Jim’s breath hitched and he tossed his head back. “God… shite… Seb…” he panted. “I’m so… so fucking close.”

Seb tightened his hand and twisted his wrist, losing himself in Jim’s pleasure. He leaned in and kissed his neck, sucking on the skin. The slightly salty taste was good and he felt Jim’s stomach clench as he reached his peak. 

Jim spilled over onto Seb’s hand and belly. He clenched his arse as he came and Seb moaned.

“Seb!”  Jim cried out. Seb nodded and rested his head against Jim’s shoulder and bucked up a few more times. He found that he was close himself and before long he was coming. He coated the inside of the condom with his own seed and moaned out.

“Fuck… Jim… you are so... “ He reached Jim’s lips with his own and kissed him through their aftershocks.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian pulled Jim against his chest, and smiled. They were cleaned up and comfortable, the post coital moment dragging them into the relaxation of sleep. “I checked on the kid, by the way,” Seb said as he nuzzled his nose into Jim’s hair. “He’s got a broken arm but he’s stable.”

“That’s good,” Jim said. He stiffened a bit then relaxed as Seb held him tightly against himself. “Sleep.”

“Yeah… sleep is a good thing,”  Seb said. He closed his eyes and felt… peaceful. Comfortable… completed. As if Jim’s sheer presence in his life filled a hole that had been there since Oliver’s death. And now he felt that he had found… not a replacement… but someone that was just perfect for who he was now.

Jim settled back against Sebastian and his eyes grew heavy. He hadn’t been looking for someone in his life. But in walked this six foot four inch tall blond wall of muscle and Jim found that he needed him like he needed air. Jim had let his guard down around someone for the first time in years. And it felt… right. Like it was supposed to happen. Jim yawned and rolled over in Seb’s arms. He pressed a kiss under his chin and smiled. “Love you…” he said as he drifted off to sleep.

Seb  smiled. “Love you,” he mumbled, and fell to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8- Coffee, Whiskey and Wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, coffee and the day after that...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So today is my birthday and I thought I would give you all a gift. Something to make me feel better about getting older.  
> So here is another chapter.  
> Now we get to explore a bit more about Dr. Moran and his son, Seb's past and well... it wasn't easy to write parts of this. But I think it works.

##  Chapter 8

Sebastian stretched easily as Jim groaned at the alarm clock. He had the day off but Jim still had to work. “God… you are sexy,” Seb said, leaning over to kiss Jim.

“Tell… tell me you aren’t a morning person,” Jim said with a yawn. He rubbed his hands over his face and looked up at Sebastian.

“No… just…” he leaned in and kissed Jim deeply and smiled. “I’m just… I haven’t been this happy in a long time,” Seb admitted. Jim smiled up at him and stroked his cheek.

“You know what? I am happy too,” he said. “I’m going to shower… start some coffee before you join me,” Jim demanded, getting out of bed and stretching. Seb gave an appreciative hum before rolling off the bed and heading to the kitchen. He put the coffee on and went to the bathroom to join Jim in the shower. Jim was standing under the spray and smiled. “Took you long enough.

“Hey… someone wanted coffee,” Seb said, wrapping his arms around Jim’s waist. Jim leaned up and kissed him. 

“Tell me you don’t too.”

“Alright… you demanding little shit,” he said, kissing him again. They stood under the water, mouths moving lazily against each other. The mood was tender. Not at all rushed.

“What are your plans for the day?” Jim asked as he pulled away from Seb to clean up.

“I am taking you to work, meeting my father for coffee and then…” Seb shrugged. Jim smiled and nodded. 

“Will you be here when I get home?” 

Seb stuttered for a moment. “Do you want me to be?” Jim looked at Sebastian as if he were stupid. 

“You’re an idiot.”

Seb smiled and began to clean himself up. He stepped out of the shower and dressed, pulling on his jeans and t-shirt before heading to the kitchen and fixing them some coffee. “You want something to eat?”

“No… thanks. No time. I was distracted by some sexy beast in my shower.” Jim said, coming out of the bedroom. He took Seb’s hand across the pass through kitchen counter and pressed something metallic into it. Seb pulled his hand back and looked at it. It was a key. Seb smiled and sighed.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian held Jim’s hand as they walked down the street. “Jim, can I ask you something?”

“Yes…” Jim drawled.

“Did… did you tell me you love me last night?“Jim’s face broke out into a grin.

“You did too,” Jim answered. He squeezed Seb’s hand. “Look… I’m not going to deny it. I…I feel like… like we’ve… we’ve got something here. I… I just… it’s okay, right?”

“It’s more than okay,” Seb said with a smile. 

They walked up to the ward and Seb sat on the bench while Jim stashed his stuff in his locker. “Would you be upset if I cooked tonight?” Seb asked. He had this idea in his head. Dinner in the oven when Jim came home from work. Seb with a beer in his hand and smile on his face. Jim would come in and kiss him hello. They would eat and laugh and talk and kiss. 

“You… you want to cook for me?” Jim asked. He was stunned. Even when he and Sherlock were basically living together… there… Jim had never had a relationship where there was any kind of domesticity.

“Is… is that bad?” Seb asked. He suddenly wondered if they were moving too fast. Jim looked at the floor for a bit before looking up at Seb. 

Jim was totally confused. His head told him that this was all moving so fast. Lightening speed. They had been co-workers and maybe even friends for a while. Albeit a short while. But still… they were. And his heart told him that there was no need to look for anyone else in his life. Sebastian filled in all the little cracks in Jim’s life better than he had could have ever thought someone would.

“No… it’s not bad. It’s…” Jim moved and sat down next to Seb and smiled. He looked up at Seb and pressed his lips to Seb’s. “It’s unexpected. But I rather like it.”

Seb nodded. “Alright then… I’ll cook tonight. You… you need to get to report.”

“You… you are staying again tonight, right?” Jim asked, a small tremor in his voice. Seb raised up his hand and smoothed it along his cheekbone. 

“I’ll stay as often as you want me there. I… I like falling asleep with you in my arms. And… waking up to you…” Seb smiled, “it’s a nice view…”

“Fuck you,” Jim said, blushing a bit.

“Later darling. You are late. And Sherlock will have my head.” Jim pecked Seb on his lips once more before heading out to the ward and his report.

Sebastian took a moment to collect himself and sent out a quick text before getting up and going to find his father.

[Seb] I forgot: have a good day. Don’t let Sherlock get under your skin. Love you.

Jim felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and read the text under the table, smiling.

[Jim] Don’t let your father get to you either. Love you too.

Jim put his phone back in his pocket and Sherlock rolled his eyes. “Moriarty… if you are done flirting with your boyfriend, can we get back to work?”

Jim just smiled up at Sherlock. “Of course,  _ Dr. Holmes, _ ” Jim said, all sweetness and light. Sherlock sighed. He knew what Jim was playing at and he wasn’t going to rise to the bait. 

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian met his father at the lift. Dr. Moran had gone to check on his patient and left orders on the chart for his continued care before catching his son. 

“Good morning,” Sebastian offered, his voice quite light and sunny.

“Good God… you had sex last night,” Dr. Moran said, his mouth turning down a bit at the edges. Seb chuckled. “You are always so… chipper, in the morning afterwards,” Dr. Moran hung his head and pressed the button for the lift.

“So what if I did?” Seb said with a shrug. “It’s not like I’m not allowed to… to be in a sexual relationship.”

“With whomever you were… texting yesterday.”

“I was… I am,” Seb said, “he’s also a nurse. On the ward.” Dr. Moran  stepped inside the lift and pressed the main floor button. 

Dr. Moran addressed his attention to his phone as they rode down and Seb leaned against the wall. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and watched as his father’s back bent a bit more. He took a moment to really look at his father.

The man had aged since he had seen him last. His hair, previously a silvery blond was now snow white. His skin had taken on a slightly yellowish pallor, age had caused it to become more translucent. He was thin. No… Thinner. His well cut suit had fit once, but it was beginning to hang on him. Seb licked his lips. His father wasn’t well. But Sebastian wasn’t about to say a word.

The two Morans walked in steely silence to a coffee shop a few blocks from the hospital. Seb ordered himself a double latte and sat down at a table. He sipped at his coffee and waited for his father to join him. Dr. Moran sat down across from him and Seb watched as he fixed his tea. “So, why am I here?”

“You are here… because… well, can’t a father have coffee with his son?” Dr. Moran asked, his voice unsure of itself for the first time in Seb’s memory.

“Yes. Normal fathers and sons have coffee often, I assume. But, Father… we are far from normal.”

Dr. Moran studied his son for a moment and shook his head. “Why didn’t you ever call me... “ He sucked in a shallow breath. “You called me Dad until you were… twelve. Then… you stopped.”

“So? You didn’t seem to mind at the time.”

“No… I guess not. It’s… I don’t want to waste time dwelling on the past. But… you… you were… you could have been a brilliant doctor,” Dr. Moran said. Sebastian’s grip tightened on his coffee cup. He noticed his father’s hands. Brilliant hands that were no longer steady. They shook. Just a little.

“I told you. I… I like what I do. I… I love it in fact.”

“And now?”

“Now… I’m happy. I’m happy for the first time since…” Seb’s eyes fell to the table in front of him. He studied the grain in the wood and took a few steadying breaths.

“Since he died,” Dr. Moran filled in. “I… I’ll never pretend to understand it Sebastian. But… But I… Tell me he made you happy.”

“Who?”

“The… the one who died. Oll…”

“Oliver,” Sebastian said, stunned. He was impressed that his father remembered. “I… I didn’t think you’d… how do you remember his name?”

“I pay attention Sebastian. You… you are my son. You are important to me. Even if you don’t think you are.” Dr. Moran paused and sipped his tea. “If it’s important to you… I… I know about it.”

“Father… you… you are speaking as if…” Seb cleared his throat. His previous accent… the one he worked hard to erase was creeping back into his voice. He took a moment to readjust his mind and started to speak again. “Oliver made me happy. I…I had planned on marrying him. He… he was the love of my life at the time.”

“And now?” Sebastian smiled. 

“Yeah… okay… now someone else makes me happy Father. I… I just want to be happy. Is that too much to ask?”

Dr. Moran looked at his son. The man before him. But he still saw the boy he knew. “All I’ve ever wanted in this world was that for you Sebastian. After your mother died… I wanted you to know the joy I felt when she was around.” Dr. Moran twisted his lips a bit and considered for a moment. “You stopped calling me Dad after she died.”

“I… I understand it better now. Then… I was a boy. Lost in my own… my own head. I missed her and I didn’t understand why you had pulled away.” Sebastian swallowed and looked at his father. “The last time we saw each other… I was standing on your doorstep. I was asking for help. Lost in my own grief…” Seb felt the tears stinging his eyes. “I needed help and you turned me away.”

Dr. Moran twisted his empty cup in his hands. “I’m sorry Sebastian. I… I’m not good at helping those I love… that I care about. I… I shouldn’t have let things… end like that.”

“Well they did,” Sebastian stood up abruptly. “Thank you for the coffee Father,” he said cooly, “I will see you around the hospital.”

Dr. Moran watched his son leave the coffee shop and put his head into his hands.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian walked out of the coffee shop, his hands in his pockets and tears sticking to his face. He made his way back to his flat and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. It was barely nine in the morning and he didn’t care. He opened the bottle and took a long pull of it before standing in front of the bookcase in his sitting room. He saw the stack of pictures that Jim had been looking at the other day and picked them up. Oliver… he… he missed him so much. And… he knew what he needed to do.

_ \---0000--- _

Jim found his shift easy. It flew by with thoughts of Sebastian on his mind. He hadn’t heard from him all day, but that wasn’t unusual. He gathered his things at the end of his shift and headed out, a smile playing on his lips. Sebastian would be in his flat. Cooking. Making them dinner. That thought alone made him have to control his feet so that he didn’t run the entire way home. 

Jim opened the door to his flat, but he could sense the stillness in the air before he got inside the door. No one was there. Sebastian wasn’t there. Jim’s heart sank a bit. He dropped his bag and thought to himself.

_ “He’s just running late. At the market or something. I’ll text him if he’s not here in… an hour. Yes… an hour.” _

Jim waited an hour and texted Sebastian. And then another thirty minutes before he texted him again. By the time Jim had been home for six hours Sebastian still hadn’t responded. Jim locked the door and climbed into his cold and empty bed, trying not to cry at his own stupidity and heartache. He stared at the wall for two hours before he finally fell asleep.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian groaned as the band of sunlight fell across his eyes. His head was pounding and his mouth felt like he’d swallowed an entire kennel of furry creatures. He looked up and realized he was in his own flat. He didn’t remember coming back there and he looked at his phone. Shit… he had missed his shift. He sat up and the room spun and lurched around him. He just made it to the toilet before he was sick. He felt disgusting and was thankful when a cool hand landed on his forehead and a wet cloth on the back of his neck. He was so sick that he hadn’t noticed he wasn’t alone. And that thought made him sick again.

“Jesus Moran… did you drink an entire cask of whiskey?” John Watson asked. Seb groaned.

“Why the hell are you here?”

“You didn’t come to work. Sherlock… your father… they talked to Jim. He said you didn’t go to his last night. And your father said you were upset when you left yesterday .He… he admitted you were talking about Ollie.. And I… I know you Seb. I knew what you were up too. You…you have a pattern. And Jim… he’s… Sherlock sent me a text about half an hour ago. He’s beside himself.” John smirked at Sebastian in a knowing way. “He loves you. I can see it in his face.”

“Yeah.. well… At least I’m predictable.”

“That you are mate,” John said, helping Sebastian to his feet. “Jim passed a message on to me through my lovely boyfriend.”

“Oh? How… how bad?” John settled on the edge of Sebastian’s bed and shook his head.

“You are lucky… you know that? Not… not too many of us find that kind of love twice in a lifetime… let alone once.”

“What did he say John?” Seb spat out. His head was splitting and he felt worse now.

“He said to tell you that you had better get it out of your system. That you had better tell him what happened, because I haven’t said a word. Neither have either of the good doctors. And… that you owe him dinner.”

“I was supposed to cook last night. I… I fucked up John… a lot.”

“Yes… you did. But some groveling, a good blow job and… you’ll be fine. But… you need a shower and a change of clothes… then I think some food and then you pack a bag… because Sherlock has talked to Greg… You are both off the schedule for a week. You… you both need a break. It’s… it’s been too long without one,” John said.

“And… who’s going to babysit your boyfriend?” Seb asked.

“No one. He’s been told to take a break as well. So… we are going away. Holiday. It’s something we haven’t done in a long time.”

“Holiday… I… I don’t know,” Seb said. He looked at John. “So… what… I’m supposed to just go to his and… stay there a week?”

“I guess… does it matter? You… you both clearly need some time off. So take it. Relax... Just… don’t get so lost again. Okay?” John said.

“I’ll try,” Seb said. He stripped off his shirt and jeans, tossing them in the laundry pile. He shook his head. He wasn’t going anywhere until he did some laundry. But a shower was the first thing on the agenda.

_ \---0000--- _

Jim felt better when Sherlock told him that John had found Sebastian and that he was passed out drunk. His fear gave way to anger and his anger ebbed and flowed throughout the rest of his shift. When Sherlock told him that he and Sebastian were off for a week, he nearly wept. He had been so tired for so long. He needed the rest. But Jim would never take a break unless he was told to do so. 

He headed back home after his shift was over. His tread on the street was heavy and he found that he was nearly dragging his feet when he finally reached his door. He opened it and found that the scent wafting through the air was nearly as good as sex. His stomach grumbled in response and he realized he hadn’t eaten in nearly two whole days. 

“God damn it Sebastian… I want to yell at you, to scream and shout, but I’m seriously going to tell you that if you don’t feed me right now… I am going to beat you into a bloody pulp,” Jim announced as he walked into the flat. He dropped his bag on the floor. 

Sebastian heard the key turn in the lock. His heart leapt and he grabbed the starters he had made, heading towards the door. He figured Jim was hungry and he had a plate ready to hand him with things to nibble on as he changed his clothes and settled in to yell at him for the evening. Once Jim started to scold him, Seb smiled. He could tell that Jim’s anger was waning for the moment. He held out the plate of toasted bread with cheese and fresh tomatoes with basil and olive oil in front of him. Jim looked at the plate and took it from him. Seb let out a breath and went back to the kitchen. He hadn’t said a word to Jim yet. He found himself a bit more nervous than before but he was going to go through with this.

Jim took the offered plate and snuck a look at Sebastian before moving into the living room and sitting on the sofa. He picked up the toast and took a bite. He hummed a bit as the taste of the fresh tomatoes exploded on his tongue. He was impressed. But this was nothing. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the sofa as he chewed and swallowed. He opened his eyes to watch Seb in his kitchen, fussing over something and he felt happy and sad at the same time. Sebastian hadn’t said a word to him yet, and while Jim was still upset that Sebastian had fallen off of the face of the earth the day before… he’d missed the man.

“Are you going to say anything?” Jim asked, picking up his toast and taking another bite. He chewed, waiting for some kind of response.

Sebastian went back to the kitchen and checked the dinner in the oven. It still needed a bit of time and he had enough time to sit with Jim and talk before starting the pasta to go with it. He poured them each a glass of wine, this time a deep rich Italian red, and listened as Jim asked him a question. He looked up and his face was blank. He didn’t know where to start. 

Seb carried the glasses out to the living room and handed Jim one.

“May I?” he asked as he came around to sit next to Jim on the sofa.  Jim nodded, leaning his face up for a kiss. Sebastian gave him a small smile and placed a simple kiss on his lips. Jim hummed happily and accepted the wine.

“This is good,” Jim said, taking another bite of the toast and vegetables. “What’s for dinner?”

“Eggplant,” Seb said simply. “Thank you for the compliment… I… it’s really nothing that special.”

“Well food always tastes better when someone else makes it,” Jim drawled, finishing the last of his starter. “Now… would you like to explain what the fuck happened?”

Seb knew this was coming. And it would be better after he’d had gotten it out of the way and over with. He took a large sip of his wine and put the glass down on the table, trying to figure out where to start.

Between the time that John had left him, heading for the market, and the time Jim had arrived back at his flat, Sebastian had imagined several different ways to start the conversation. And now that he was here and ready to talk… he was at a loss for how to begin.

“Um… well… after I left you yesterday, I had coffee with my father. It… it  was a strange meeting. Things… things were.. Odd,” Seb said, trying to keep his hands from curling into fists or fidgeting too much. Jim put his plate down on the coffee table and turned so that he could see Sebastian better. He sipped at his wine and nodded. “In the end, I left. It… it wasn’t pleasant. Our conversation was… he said some things that brought me back to the last time I saw him. When he turned me away. I was asking for help and he turned his back on me.” Seb swallowed, his throat feeling thick with emotions. He blamed a fair amount of that on his still hung over emotional state. “I had a bit of a ride home and all I could think about was how much I hated him for that. For turning me away when I was grieving. He had shut me out when my mother died too. And that… that hurt. The second time doubly so.” Seb blinked a few times, trying to keep the tears at bay.

Jim listened and could hear the genuine stress in Sebastian’s voice. He put his wine down on the table next to his plate and reached out to take one of Seb’s hands in his. Sebastian looked up at Jim’s face. Jim kept it schooled in a placid unemotional state. He wasn’t sure how much he was willing to give at the moment, but seeing Sebastian upset over a conversation with his father made Jim feel a bit… heartbroken.

“I got home and by then I was a mess. The moment I walked into my flat, I knew I needed something to calm myself. I took a drink. And then another… and then more. I picked up the pictures of myself and Ollie… I… I missed him so much. Seeing my father, listening to his… to him telling me that he cared for me, but he’d still turned me away when I needed help… it had burrowed under my skin.”

Sebastian closed his eyes. “I hadn’t been to his grave since I came home to England. I… I couldn’t find the strength to go there. But I knew that I needed too. He’s.. he’s buried out in Bromley.”

Jim’s eyebrows shot up. That wasn’t next door to Sebastian’s little flat just outside of Westminster. “Well. That’s a trip.” Seb gave him a little smile and nodded.

“It is… and if I hadn’t been drinking.... I would have been back in time to at least make us something light to eat.” Seb cast his eyes to his lap again. “But I was stupid and stopped at a local pub after seeing his grave. I ended up quite drunk. I.. I don’t remember getting myself back to my flat. But I know I did. And… my bottle… brand new yesterday morning… was empty when Watson woke me up this morning. So… yeah…” Seb took a few breaths before speaking again. His voice was quiet. Like a child who had done something very wrong and was trying to make a heartfelt apology.

“I screwed up. I got emotional and drunk and fucked up. This… this thing between us is so new that I didn’t want to… lose it. I… I didn’t want to burden you with my own… issues,” Seb said, “I...I didn’t want to make it a problem. But… I… I really fucked up. And I… I’m sorry.”

Jim nodded his head and licked his lips. He was trying to figure out what he wanted to say. His heart was bursting with many different things and his brain was going a mile a minute. 

Jim rubbed his temples with his hand and closed his eyes.

“Sebastian… you're not burdening me with your problems,” he said,  “if I thought you were a burden…..”  Jim let out a breath and looked up at Sebastian. For the first time outside of the bedroom, Sebastian  got to see the real James Moriarty under the mask. The quiet man whose brain was so full that it never stopped moving. That was so bored with  everyday life he couldn’t decide between killing the whole world or killing himself. Jim…. who fell into such deep depressions he couldn’t move or think. Who felt the blackness of his own mind come over him time and time again. James Moriarty who could have been one of the most brilliant doctors in the world… who cleaned up vomit and shit daily. Jim… who found himself falling deeply for a man who had the exact opposite of a life as he did. Before Sebastian sat an addict. Someone who just needed to turn off the whirling of his own thoughts long enough to settle. And for some unknown reason, the blond medic… could do that.

Sebastian’s breath hitched as he saw the change in the dark haired Irishman sitting in front of him. He saw the difference in him and Sebastian felt awed by it. He reached out to touch Jim’s face and he knew. He knew in that moment that he was fully, deeply in love with him. 

“Sebastian… I… I don’t know how… or why you did what you had to do yesterday. It’s… it’s not important. You did it. It’s over now. I… I want to be angry with you. I… I want to skin you alive for it. But I… I can’t.  I don’t look at you as a burden. I… I look at you and I see someone I want to know better. Someone I want to… grow to love more.” Jim reached out again and cupped Seb’s face with his hands. Slowly he stroked his hands down to Seb’s shoulders and squeezed them. Harder than one would think that a little man should be able to. Seb tensed under the pressure and Jim gave him a little smirk.

“But if you  _ ever _ think about doing something that stupid again, I will burn you. I will cut you into pieces and feed you to the tigers in the zoo. Am I understood?” Jim snapped. Sebastian nodded his head and smiled.

“Of course. I wouldn’t deserve anything less.” 

Jim chuckled. “No… of course you wouldn’t.” He leaned in and gave Sebastian a kiss, a truly tender and wonderful kiss. They rested their foreheads against each other and Seb let out a sigh. 

“Am I forgiven?”

“For what? Being a dick?” Seb laughed.

“Yeah.”

“Never. Because I think I’ll be forgiving you for that forever. So it’s not going to happen,” Jim teased. “But you are forgiven for standing me up. Don’t do it again.”

“I would be a fool.”

“Glad we are in agreement there.” Jim smiled. He dipped in and kissed him again, pulling back and picking up his wine again. “The wine is nice. We should move your collection here. I am assuming there are more bottles.”

“Yeah… several. But why here?” Seb asked, getting up and clearing Jim’s starter plate. 

“If you think for one moment that I am ever going to  set foot in that rat trap you call a flat…” 

“Hey! It’s not bad,” Seb said, smiling. He knew exactly how bad it was. But he wasn’t going to let Jim know that.

“It is Sebastian. Honestly… you are so much better than that.”

“Go get cleaned up before dinner. You’ve got about fifteen minutes,” Seb said. Jim rolled his eyes, but complied, getting up and heading to the bedroom to change his clothes and put his things away. Sebastian had moved to the kitchen and was finishing the last bits for dinner, putting the pasta in the water and dressing the salad.

Jim stripped out of his work clothes, feeling a bit better with a bit of food in his stomach. He pulled on a soft pair of sleep pants and an old t-shirt, knowing he had no desire to leave the flat for the night. He was too tired to face the public. He had enough of people for the day. And now… he was going to have a lovely meal and enjoy Sebastian’s company. Jim’s eyes drifted towards the doorway to his bedroom and he noticed Seb’s bag to the left of the door on the floor. He looked at his dresser, wondering to himself before he finally got up and moved, spending five minutes in a drawer before grabbing Seb’s bag and emptying it into the drawer he had just cleared.

Sebastian plated up dinner and placed it on the table, looking it over before grabbing their wine glasses and topping off the wine they had already drunk. His chest felt a bit lighter and his mind was less cloudy than earlier. Jim seemed to have forgiven his absence of the day before and whilst he knew that he still had a lot to make up for,  he felt as if he had a chance.

“Jim… dinner’s ready,” Seb called out before turning to study Jim’s high end stereo system. He pushed a few buttons and a soulful and sultry female voice crooned at him. Seb felt it was good and turned to see Jim standing behind him.

Jim studied Seb from the bedroom doorway for a moment before coming closer to him. He looked right, standing in front of the stereo system and selecting music for them to dine to. He looked as if he belonged there.

“Dinner?” Jim asked, putting a hand on Sebastian’s arm.

“Yes… on the table. Is… is this alright? That I… I put some music on?”

“Yes… of course,” Jim said, moving away to see what Seb had prepared. Jim was hungry and he could smell something that was… good. He pulled out a chair and sat down, looking at the plates. “It looks… edible,” he said with a bit of snark.

Sebastian chuckled. “I was going for manageable but edible is good too.” He sat down next to Jim and picked up his fork. He took a few bites, savoring the rich flavours. Seb was pleased with the outcome and he smiled at Jim.

Jim picked up his own fork and began to eat. He was surprised. Sebastian was a decent cook. “Tell me that you can cook things other than pasta,” Jim teased. “Too much pasta and I would turn into a barge.”

Sebastian laughed. “I can think of several ways to work it off if that happens.” He smiled and reached out his hand for Jim’s. Jim took it and squeezed. “I can cook many different things. Just never really had the chance to cook in the last few years. I’ve kind of missed it to be honest.” 

“Really? Never figured you to spend time in the kitchen. But it will be nice not to have to bother myself.” Jim continued to eat for a while, sipping at the wine between mouthfuls. “What other hidden talents do you have? Laundry? Housekeeping? Dishes?” Jim asked, pretending to be bored, but not quite able to hide the way the edges of his mouth curled up into a smile.

Sebastian put down his fork and wiped his mouth with the napkin placed in his lap. Jim noticed.  _ “You can take the man out of the manor house but you can’t take the manor house out of the man,”  _ Jim thought to himself.

“Why do I feel like I’m being interviewed or my C.V. reviewed?” Seb asked with a laugh. He picked up his wine and sipped it. “I’m a grown man, Jim. I lived in the army for a long time. And to be honest… I’m damn good at taking care of myself and other people.” Seb closed his eyes and licked his lips. He was starting to get a bit edgy at the accusations he was perceiving, but he took a few breaths and calmed himself again. “I may have grown up with a title and a father who had more money and staff than God, but… I’m not that man.”

Jim watched as Seb’s face went from tense to calm again, envying his control. But oh… Jim longed to see the loss of that control outside of the bedroom. To see Sebastian in all his glory. But Sebastian calmed and reminded Jim that he wasn’t his father. Jim nodded. He carefully chewed his current bite of food and swallowed, taking a long drink of the wine before speaking.

“I know you aren’t your father, Sebastian. I am very well aware of that.” He reached out and took Seb’s hand in his own. “This was very good, Seb. Thank you.”

Sebastian looked at Jim and nodded. “You are most welcome. I hope it made up for yesterday.”

“Not quite, but it’s a damn good start,” Jim said with a smile. “Now… I’ve had more than enough. I think I’d like a bit more of the wine and then I’m going to go sit on the sofa while you clean up. Seb’s eyebrows nearly hit the ceiling with the speed that they shot up. “Really? You aren’t helping me?”

“Nope,” Jim said getting up and topping off his wine before heading to the sofa. “I worked all day while you feigned sick. I’m going to lounge around on my sofa while you clean up. Then you can come and entertain me.”

“Entertain you,” Seb said, echoing Jim’s words. Seb shook his head and rubbed his face with his hand.  _ “This is going to be a long week,” _ Sebastian thought to himself whilst he stood up and began to clean up.


	9. Chapter 9- What I Did for Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Seb is willing to do for the love of Jim.

##  Chapter 9

Jim found that a week with Sebastian in his flat wasn’t as bad as he thought it could be. They indeed had their moments where violence and tempers were close at hand, but they managed to only cause each other minimal damage. 

They walked hand in hand from Jim’s flat to St. Bart’s, both eager to get back to work. After a week of living a life of leisure and hedonistic levels of sex, they needed to fill their time with something other than each other.

Sebastian hung his jacket and bag in his locker and stretched out his back a bit. He wasn’t looking forward to that evening when his body was surely going to be stiff. He hadn’t spent that much time on his feet in the last week and getting back to work was going to make him ache later. He thanked God that Jim’s bathroom featured a rather decent size tub that he could stretch almost completely out in and soak. 

Jim shook his head. He knew that Seb hated to be leisurely and that his body was going to rebel on him. But Jim was used to it and smiled. “Come on, love. Sherlock’s going to start soon and I’m dying to see him with a tan.”

Sebastian laughed. “Right… like that pasty white moron wouldn’t spend his entire holiday locked in a medical library somewhere,” he answered as they walked out of the locker room and towards the lounge. Sebastian nearly walked into his father and he pulled up short. He looked at the man in front of him and Jim stood a little taller, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Dr. Moran,” Jim said, his voice filled with venom.

“Moriarty. Sebastian,” Dr. Moran said curtly. “Dr. Holmes has spared you both from report. You are to come with me and be at my beck and call today. I am performing a procedure on our patient and you both will be assisting me.”

Sebastian closed his eyes and let out a breath through his nose. This was one thing he hated to do. He father had him assist with plenty of procedures when he was younger, and it always ended up with Seb feeling stupid and worthless and his father nearly smacking him in the operating theatre. He wasn’t looking forward to it.

Sherlock, hearing the conversation, stepped out of his office and nodded his head at Jim and Seb. Jim rolled his eyes and turned to head towards the patient’s room. 

Dr. Moran looked at his son and headed after Jim. “Sebastian. I am expecting you to remember how to behave in the theatre with me. I expect no insolence and for you to anticipate my every need. Moriarty will be the runner. You will instruct him as to what he needs to attend to and there will be no other conversation of any kind,” he said as he stopped outside the door to the patient’s room. “You have fifteen minutes to meet me downstairs. Scrubbed, sterile and ready to go. Am I understood?”

“Yes sir,” Sebastian said with a snap. He went into the patient's room, smiled at their charge and grabbed Jm’s wrist. He just gave Jim a look and moved his head towards the door, dropping his wrist quickly.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian explained in short clipped words what was happening. He wasn’t happy about it, but the patient’s safety and life was dependant on his following his orders. Jim’s mouth pinched up and his eyes narrowed. “No,” he said simply.,“I’m not doing it. And neither are you. The last time you spent more than five minutes with that man… you ended up drinking yourself into a stupor and disappearing. We aren’t doing it.”

Seb ran his hand over his face and shook his head. “The thing is Jim… he’s brilliant. He’s a brilliant surgeon. You may never get a chance to see this again.” 

“I don’t care.” He reached up and stroked Seb’s arm in a tender moment. “I… I love you and I care about your wellbeing more than about that of the man laying in that bed. That man… did you know…” Jim bit his lower lip for a moment and leaned into speak lower. “The boy I asked you to check on for me? This man is  his father. His father broke his arm… again. That boy has been in and out of hospital more times than you or I put together. And we work here. He’s… he’s abusive and manipulative. I… I think he…” Jim couldn’t say the rest of what his dark mind was offering up.

Sebastian’s eyes grew wide and he smiled broadly. He… he had a plan. His mind worked quickly and he gave Jim a quick kiss. 

“Oh… darling. I love you,” Seb said, “And we are doing this. Just… if you’ve never trusted me before… now is the time.”

Jim looked at his boyfriend confusedly, but he saw something dark pass in Sebastian’s eyes and it gave him a shudder down his spine. “I do trust you. And… Tiger… you… you sure about this?” Sebastian nodded his head and grabbed Jim’s arms. He drew him in for a kiss.

“I am extremely sure,” Seb said with a wink. He brought Jim to the scrub room and handed him a clean sterile set of scrubs to change into. He grabbed a set for himself and settled into getting ready to assist his father.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian noticed it quickly. But he didn’t say a word. Jim was doing well, only rolling his eyes as he was ordered to perform various tasks. Sebastian worked as he always had with his father. He knew what he was expecting before he asked and had it at the ready. All in all, it wasn’t hard to complete the procedure. He could have done it half asleep and high. But… he watched the first slip of his father’s hand. The slight tremor that hadn’t been there before.

And as his father cut, the line was less than perfectly straight. It was slightly zig zagged. Dr. Moran huffed out a breath and Seb’s eyes caught the older ones. “Problem?” Dr. Moran snapped.

“None,” Sebastian said quietly.

“Good. Now hand me the…” The next tool was in the doctor’s hand before he even had a chance to finish asking for it. He glared at his son who only smiled behind his mask. 

The surgery dragged on for two more hours, Sebastian memorizing each and every little thing that his father had done. Each item that was… just slightly out of the ordinary. 

Jim noticed something was different with Sebastian. He was observing. Cataloguing. Thinking deeply. Something had… there was something to be worried about. And Jim noticed that Seb was planning. He had the same look on his face that Jim had noticed over the last week when he was planning out dinner or how he was going to ravish Jim. But directed at someone else… it was rather scary to see.

Sebastian pulled off his mask and gloves, tossing them into the bin before smiling at Jim and heading up to the roof. He was exhausted and needed a cigarette. Jim followed shortly, as Dr. Moran left orders on the floor for the patient’s comfort and monitoring.

Jim found Sebastian leaning on his arms, looking out over the city from the roof. “You alright?” Jim asked.

“Yeah… I am… listen… babe...I have something I need to do. Something…. Are you sure that this kid was hurt by his father?” Seb asked, not looking at Jim. 

Jim nodded. “Abused knows abused,” he said quietly. Seb looked at Jim, his face confused. “No… no don’t. It’s… it was a long time ago. And you know what? That’s one of the reason’s Richie’s death hurt more.” Seb moved to come towards Jim but Jim waved his hand at Seb. A dismissal. “It’s fine. But… I… I think we need to talk. Not here though.”

“No… not here,” Seb agreed, “Sherlock texted me while we were in the theatre. You are off duty for the rest of the day. I… I’m to stay and make sure that our patient is stable. I’ll be off in about three hours.”

Jim looked at Sebastian and nodded. He moved toward his boyfriend and finally wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed his face between his shoulder blades. “I’m going to check on the boy, then,” Jim said. “Go home… and… and then?”

“I’ll be here for a bit. Then I need to go home. Back to mine… I… I need to deal with a few things.”

“You coming over tonight?” Jim asked. Seb closed his eyes, an inner battle waging in his mind. “I… I… will understand if you say no.”

“It’s not that I don’t…” Seb turned in Jim’s arms and pulled him tight against him. “I’ve grown fond of sleeping with you in my arms. Feeling you next to me. But… I… I have a few things I need to take care of. I… I have my key…. Maybe… maybe you’ll find me there when you wake up.” Seb leaned down and kissed Jim. “I’m sorry, love. I… I hope you… really understand.”

Jim nodded. He wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t sad but he understood that sometimes people needed space. He often did.

“I… I do. I can’t say it makes me happy… but… yeah. I get it. Just… just promise to be safe and text me later?”

“Of course. If… if you don’t hear from me… text me? Please?”

Jim smiled and nodded, kissing him deeply. Seb smiled and held him tightly. “Go on. Check on the kid. I have to go deal with Dr. Perfection and his  favorite disciple.”  Jim suppressed a retort, then smiled.  He squeezed Sebastian one last time before he left.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian pulled the file of papers out of his bag and spread them across his table. He reached over and pulled out the pint of lo mein he had stopped to get. He picked up his fork and his mobile at the same time, taking a few mouthfuls before sending out his first text.

[Seb] Hey babe,I’m home. You okay? How’s the kid?

Jim had just sat down with a glass of wine and a sandwich he’d made. He heard his phone buzz on the table and a smile graced his lips.

[Jim] I’m fine. You? And the kid, I called around and tried to put in for child protection. He told me some things

[Seb] I’m sorry. I’m fine. And I hope something happens, for his sake.

[Jim] So do I. You working on whatever it is you need to do?

[Seb] About to start. I needed to text my sexy boyfriend first.

[Jim] Ah now you’ve moved on to text me? 

Jim sipped at his wine, wrapping his blanket around his shoulders to ward off a chill that wasn’t really there. It was more like he was missing the heat from someone else. 

Sebastian sat back in his cold and stale flat, looking around. He smiled at Jim’s joke. 

[Seb] Oh,. but I’ve saved the best for last: the sexiest man I know. It’s odd. We've only been apart a few hours and I feel like it’s been years.

[Jim] I know. 

[Seb] I should go. The sooner begun….

[Jim] The sooner you could be here. Eat something. I love you.

[Seb] You too. and I love you.

Sebastian put down his phone with a smile and spent the next five hours pouring over papers again and again. And he was sure everything was in order. He looked at his watch. It… it wasn’t too late and he thought about texting Jim, but decided to take a shower and catch a few hours of sleep. He would go to Jim’s before he woke up and slide into bed before they headed off to work.

_ \---0000--- _

Jim didn’t move when Sebastian opened the door and shut it quietly behind him. It was still early, barely four in the morning. Sebastian had slept fairly well and got up to gather a few things before heading out to crawl into bed with Jim. He put his bag on the sofa, grabbed his phone and kicked off his shoes. He stripped out of his work clothes and crawled into the bed. Jim was sprawled across the entire width and it took Seb a moment or two of shifting gently to make enough room for him to crawl in.

Jim did however wake when Sebastian’s skin finally touched his. Seb was cooler than Jim and the change woke him up enough to open his eyes. “‘Bout damn time,” he drawled sleepily.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you,” Seb whispered, giving Jim a small kiss.

“Better that you did,” Jim said with a small smile. He curled around Sebastian and rested his head, warm with sleep, on Seb’s chest. “You finish what you needed to do?”

“I did.”

“Was it worth it?” Jim asked, worried that Sebastian was doing something that Jim wouldn’t be happy with.

Seb pulled Jim closer. “I don’t know yet. Time will tell. But… I think it will be worth it in the end.”

“Good,” Jim said, closing his eyes and drifting back to sleep.

Sebastian smiled and drifted for a while, content and fully at peace.

_ \---0000--- _

Sherlock ran his hand through his hair over and over again. Something was off. He couldn’t find it. He had spent three hours looking at the same chart over and over again. How could one man who was given every chance still die? Especially after Dr. Augustus Moran took an interest in him. Spent several hours in the operating room and came out of semi-retirement to fix him. But… none of it mattered. He still died.

Sebastian walked onto the floor and smiled at Jim. He had just run the patient’s body down to the morgue. He winked at him and put his hand on his shoulder. He leaned in and whispered in Jim’s ear. “Billy’s going to be fine. He’s with his Aunt and Uncle in Liverpool.” He gave Jim a quick kiss on the cheek as he went to his next patient.

Jim stopped still in his tracks.  _ “Did Seb just tell me that he… he killed Harry Darvill for me? That… shit… Sebastian did something,” _ Jim thought to himself. He took in a deep breath and uttered one word. “Molly.”

_ \---0000--- _

Molly Hooper wasn’t as stupid as some people thought she was. In fact she was quite intelligent and observant. And she had a habit of picking up the little things that others missed. And she almost missed the one detail that had her standing in the middle of her morgue, chewing on her thumb nail when Jim came in. She didn’t notice him until he was standing in front of her and placed his hand on her head.

“Jim!” she said, startled.

“Sorry Mols. I… I’ve been trying to get your attention for a few moments.” He smiled at her, his face a perfect mask of a caring friend. “You alright?”

“Yeah… yes. Lost in thought is all. You need something? You never come to see me.”

“I know.. Stupid really. Seb misspelled the patient’s name on the tag. I offered to come and change it, since I haven’t been around much lately. Miss having tea with you,” he said, giving her a perfect fake smile.

“Oh… okay…” she said. “He’s in locker 5.” Jim nodded and went over, pulling out the body to see that the tag was correct but swapped it out and tore up the original one quickly, shoving it in his pocket.

“You… you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes… no… maybe,” Molly said, sighing. “Look, let me ask you something….”

“Okay…” Jim said, pushing the body back. He was worried now. Something was eating at her. He only prayed it was man trouble.

“Mr. Darvill there…. He… he wasn’t diabetic, was he?”

“Not that I am aware of. But then again… pancreases do odd things after surgeries.”

“I know… his glucose was normal right up to the surgery and a bit low after… but… his sugars at his time of death… through the roof...he… he fell into a diabetic coma. That’s how he died.”

“Odd… but not unheard of,” Jim said calmly,“maybe… maybe we are all a little edgy. You know? So much… paranoia. The investigators and everything. That’s why Seb was nearly freaking out about a missed letter on the tag.”

“Maybe…” Molly said. Jim knew that she knew something wasn’t right. But he swallowed his pride. “Hey… listen… Seb and I were going to have a quiet weekend in coming up. Cook, hang around the flat… watch crap tellie… why don’t you join us. I… I want you to get to know him better,” he asked. Distraction was the name of his game.

“Really?” Molly said, turning her full attention on him. She smiled a bit and she seemed to have put her puzzle aside. “I… I’m happy for you Jim. He seems… nice.”

“He is. I really like him,” Jim said, finding that he wasn’t acting. He really did like Seb.

“You two living together? Already?” Jim laughed but the flip in his stomach said that it wasn’t as bad as an idea as it could be. 

“No… just spending a lot of time together. People tend to do that when they like each other and it often takes both parties to be in the same place to have a sexual relationship.”

“EW!” Molly squealed,“Jim Moriarty… I do  _ not _ need to hear about the sex you and Sebastian are having!” she said, thumping him playfully on his chest. “But… yeah… okay. Saturday then? I’ll bring… wine?” Jim shuddered inside. He knew that Molly would choose something decent, but Jim had grown quite used to drinking Seb’s rather extensive and perfect wine collection. 

“That would be nice. Thank you. I’ll text you the details then. I… I should get back to the floor. And you… it’s time for you to head out, isnt it?”

“Oh my! Yes… yes it is. I have a date tonight… damn… I’m going to be late now!” she said, rushing off without a goodbye. Jim sighed as he leaned against the wall of the lift. He dug out his phone and sent a text.

[Jim] Sebastian, we need to talk. I know what you did. I hope it was worth it.


	10. Chapter 10- Weight between the Spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Seb... talk.

##  Chapter 10

Sebastian sat in the locker room and held his head in his hands. He didn’t know what to think. Jim… Jim knew. And that… that was supposed to be good, wasn’t it? But then the text came in.  “We need to talk.” Seb read it again and felt that usual spike of fear and self loathing coursing through his veins. He hadn’t responded to Jim yet, but he knew that he had to.

[Seb] Alright. Where and when?

Jim stared at his phone, hiding in the children’s ward for a moment before heading back to his own place and gather his things. He wasn’t sure where… but as soon as they could. Within reason. He wanted to be comfortable and he needed a bit of time to gather his own thoughts. He… he wasn’t sure how he felt about this. Seb had told him that he loved him, but to kill someone because of something that had been… it was heavy stuff. And Jim felt…. Confused. That was a good place to start. He was confused. He sighed and typed out a message, answering Sebastian.

[Jim] Tonight. Mine. Go home. I’ll text you when I’m ready.

Seb looked at the instructions and felt things crumble around him. Jim didn’t want to see him for a while. He put his mobile into his pocket and walked in to see Sherlock, claiming he wasn’t feeling well and would take the rest of the shift off. This meant only half an hour, but he wanted to leave before Jim saw him again.

Jim sat in a corner that was created by a small alcove across from the children’s playroom. It was dark and hidden and unless someone was looking there, he could go unnoticed for a long time. It wasn’t until he realized that the footsteps he had heard coming down the corridor had stopped for a while, just around the corner and out of his sight, that he knew someone else knew he was there.

“He’s safe,” Mycroft said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I figured as much,” Jim said.

“Not the best of circumstances, but… since legal channels didn’t seem to work… this is the next best thing I presume.” Jim stilled. Mycroft knew. He  _ knew _ .

“Um…” Jim faltered. He wasn’t sure what to say. He… he didn’t have a direct hand in this and it bothered him.

“Don’t bother.” Mycroft drawled. He sounded…. Tired? That was new for Jim to hear in his voice. “I’m not as unobservant as my brother would lead you to believe. And I know you had nothing to do with this… this one. But… it’s…” Mycroft sighed. Jim’s eyes grew wide. That was something else he had never heard from the Ice Man before. Today was a day of revelations. “Watch your back. You… you are doing work that needs to be completed. Dirty work. But you’ve never minded the underbelly work, have you?” Jim’s throat was tight but he finally managed to say something.

“Is this… is this your way of making up for the mistakes you made in the past?” 

“To a certain degree… possibly. But… I am not above changing my mind. Evidence is not something that’s easily hidden, James. It takes a watchful eye to ensure that things are…. Kept hidden.” Jim chuckled.

“How long?” he asked. Mycroft had been covering it all up for some time. But the question was how long.

Mycroft chuckled. “Long enough. Nearly since the start.” Jim swallowed. “It’s… I was distracted this last time. Slipped up. And the… investigation.” Jim could hear the faint rustle of clothing as Mycroft, presumably,  shook his head. “Doesn’t matter now. They are coming again. To investigate this one. I only hope that someone else looked at the information correctly.”

“So do I…” Jim drawled, “so do I.” Jim listened as Mycroft’s steps moved away from the wall and down the hall. He finally heaved himself up and walked back to the ward.

_ \---0000--- _

Jim settled himself on the sofa, his hair still damp from the shower, and curled his legs up under himself. He felt… better. Different. But his mind finally turned towards Sebastian. Mycroft had admitted he knew about Jim and what he had been doing. And in some sort of misplaced guilt or half arsed attempt to make amends, he had been covering up for him. And Jim thought while it wouldn’t bring his brother back, it was something. It was something that Mycroft had finally admitted that he was indeed trying to right a wrong.

But Sebastian… he had avoided Jim the night before in favour of what? Killing a man? In favour of… Jim closed his eyes and sipped at the whiskey in his hand. He needed to sort this all out in his head first. What… what was Sebastian and was… was this… feeling he got every time he looked at him enough? He  _ saw  _ Jim for what he really was. The monster and man under the masks. Stripped down and flayed open for Sebastian to… love? Is that what Sebastian did? Or was Jim getting soft?

He huffed out a breath and pulled out his mobile. He sent out a simple message. 

[Jim] Come if convenient, if not, come all the same.

Sebastian had taken a two hour run, letting the pain and burn of the stretch of his muscles and skin sink in and soothe his nerves. He figured that no matter what, no matter what Jim said to him, he would fight. He would fight for the strange distant Irishman he had come to love. True, for each layer that Seb peeled back, another was underneath. Jim was less than warm. He was prickly and insulting. He would stand ten times taller than the rest and never backed down from a challenge. Even when he appeared to be. He was calculating and intelligent. Always observing. And from the first moment Sebastian laid eyes on him, he felt Jim’s deep bottomless eyes cutting him to the core. Stripping everything away and hitting upon the soft heart at the center.

Seb had just stepped out his shower, drying his hair on a towel when his phone pinged. He picked it up and looked at the message, deciding that he wasn’t going to open it quite yet. He was going to wait until after he had something to eat before heading to Jim’s. He didn’t pack a bag, he had left a few things there. If… if it came to that. 

Seb pulled on a pair of well worn but comfortable jeans and an old concert t-shirt before adding his leather jacket and slipping into his favorite boots. He filled his pockets with the essentials and headed out the door. It wouldn’t be so bad to come back… but he didn’t want to do so.

Settling into a table at the chippy, Seb finally opened the text from Jim. He read it over and chuckled at him. Rolling his eyes, he tapped out a reply.

[Seb] In a bit. An hour?

Jim’s phone buzzed on the sofa next to him and he looked down at it. It had been nearly forty five minutes since he’d texted Sebastian. He was starting to feel as if the other was playing games. And maybe he was. But Jim wasn’t being… kind about his own issues. And the last three quarters of an hour had his stomach beginning to tie itself in knots. Jim worried. That was his defect. He worried all the time. But he never let it show. No one knew that under everything, Jim worried about everything he did. He second guessed his words, his nuances, his tone. And he worried for a long time that with one simple text, he had ruined the one good and constant thing in his life. His new and perfectly imperfect relationship with Sebastian. 

But the blond finally responded and Jim picked up his phone, his hands shaking ever so slightly. He closed his eyes as he swiped it open and read the reply. An hour… another hour without him by his side. It… it was almost too much to bear. And of course, in his true style, Jim was about to push it all away with a few words.

[Jim] Fine. Don’t keep me waiting too long. We need to talk.

Seb was wiping his fingers on the cheap paper napkin as his phone pinged. He picked it up and looked at the message. ‘We need to talk’- four words. Twelve letters. And the weight of the world in the space between them. His heart sank and he felt… like the meal he had half finished was now a lead weight burning through his skin. He wrapped up his remains and tossed them in the bin on his way out of the shop. Standing on the pavement for a moment, he lit a cigarette and considered how long it would take him to get to Jim’s. If he took the tube, nearly twenty minutes. And then a walk. But if he grabbed a cab… less than ten. He considered his options and while the night was still young, he wasn't in the mood to drag this out any longer. He could surprise Jim and not text him back. So… he pulled up the message and replied.

[Seb] Fine. 15 minutes.

Jim nodded at Sebastian’s response and let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He refilled his glass and tapped out a reply.

[Jim] Door’s unlocked. 

[Jim] Hurry please? I… I miss you.

Sebastian heard a response and then another one right on top of it when he climbed into the back of the cab. He wasn’t sure what to make of it but he appreciated the honesty. Maybe… maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

[Seb] On my way. I miss you as well.

He tucked his mobile into his  pocket and prayed that every light would be green.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian let himself into the flat and locked the door behind him. He kicked off his boots and hung his jacket inside the door, as had become his habit. He walked towards the sofa where Jim was, placed a small kiss on his cheek and headed to the kitchen. He pulled open the fridge and pulled out a beer, cracking it open and taking a long pull. He hoped he appeared a lot steadier than he was,and took a much needed moment to gather himself before heading to sit on the arm chair across from Jim.

Jim watched as Sebastian came into the flat and went through his normal routine. He marveled at how used to it he already was and how it was… natural. Comforting. Jim felt a bit of the knot at the center of his chest begin to loosen and he knew that Seb’s mere presence was responsible for that.

“So…” Seb said, leaning back and crossing one ankle on his knee. He held the amber bottle of beer in his hand, loosely, and his other arm draped itself across the back of the chair. “You said we needed to talk. What are we talking about?”

Jim stared at him. He wasn’t sure where to begin if he being was honest. And usually, even when he wasn’t in control, Jim exuded control all the same. And power. But Seb had seen him weak. He wasn’t sure about stripping away his masks, but he tried. He closed his eyes and relaxed, opening them to look at the larger man sitting across from him.

“Tell me… start from the beginning. Tell me… everything,.” Jim said. It wasn’t a question or a command. Just a simple request. 

Sebastian took a long pull from his beer and looked over at the man on the sofa. He had stripped away the masks he normally wore. He was Jim. Plain and simple. Seb chuckled a bit to himself. It wasn’t ever that easy. Jim was never plain and simple. But he was… trying? Something like that. He was trying to let Sebastian see him for what he was underneath it all. And Seb found it… endearing. He nodded his head and licked his lips, the cold hoppy brew tasting sweet on his tongue. 

“Alright then. Everything. From the beginning,” Seb said, shifting to make himself more comfortable. He was going to be here a while.


	11. Chapter 11- How Far Will Love Drag Us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What Sebastian did for love.  
> What Jim wants.  
> What is going on with Dr. Moran.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly dark chapter. Please know this is a Mormor fic and things aren't all sunshine and roses.

Two Days earlier:

Sebastian turned to watch Jim walk off of the roof before lighting one last cigarette. He took a deep drag on it and sighed. He was so tired but he had so much he needed to try and do before the end of the night. He had the whole plan laid out in his mind, he just needed to make sure that it was the right plan and that there were no flaws in it.  Sebastian was good at that. He was damn good at looking something over and finding the one detail, the lynch pin, that could tear it all down.  But the challenge was hiding it so that no one else found it too.

Seb crushed out his cigarette and pushed off of the wall, heading back down to the ward to check on his patient and begin to set his plan in motion.

He walked through the corridors of his ward and turned, looking over the last set of vital signs the aide had listed for the recently operated upon man. They were all within their normal limits. But soon there was going to be a need to check his blood and Seb needed to begin the process. He tapped his pocket, his fingers feeling the hard plastic of the syringe there. He pushed open the door to the room, where the light was dim and the heart monitor beeped slowly at him. He watched the other numbers for a bit, seeing the slight changes in them and noting them on the paper.

Sebastian leaned down at the bedside, checking the dressing and the wound that should have been straighter than it was. The knots on the stitches were sloppy and Seb took out a pair of pick ups, tightening them slightly. He covered the wound up again and checked the IV site, tubing and bag. He slowly withdrew the syringe from his pocket, uncapping it and injecting it into the IV. He heard the slight change in breathing as Mr. Darvill woke up some. He cast him a glance and went back to watching his own hands.

“Whatcha doin there, boy?” the patient rasped out.

“Just adding a little something,” Seb said. 

“Something for pain?” His eyes lit up and Seb shook his head. 

“Not in the way you think.” He leaned down close and looked the man in the eyes. “Tell me… does it make you feel powerful to beat small boys? Does it give you a thrill to hear their bones crack under your grip?”

Harry Darvill’s eyes grew wide and he began to sputter. Sebastian shook his head. “No… don’t bother to try to deny it. The fear in your eyes is all I needed.”  Seb pulled out a second syringe and pushed it into the IV quickly. He watched as the man’s eyes fluttered shut and he smiled to himself. He paused, putting the used needles into the box before heading out of the room. He had started his plan and it wasn’t going to take long now.

Sebastian drew up the needle in the medication room, ensuring to make it just a bit less than it should have been because of the other medication he had already added to the mix. He put it in his pocket and made one last note on the chart before heading back to check on Mr. Darvill once more before he left.

He looked down at the man lying in the bed, completely unable to move anything other than his eyes and smiled. “Ah… you’re awake again, I see. Well… I should tell you. I put a little extra bit of help into your line earlier. First one was a lovely little paralytic agent. I see it’s working well. And then I flushed it with some high level sugar… not that it would do anything but raise you blood levels. I’ve added a lot more to each of the bags you’ll be getting over the next few hours. Just to keep the level running high. This is just more paralytic. Can’t have you talking, now, can I?” Seb’s mouth crept up into a smile. “Thing is.. The plan is perfect. The last bag is normal. And I’ve asked for finger checks for blood sugar levels. When they reach a certain height… they will give you a fast acting insulin. Too bad it’s going to kill you.”

Seb knew that by then, he would be home, at his place. He would make sure to be seen on camera and send texts or something at the time that everything would be happening. His alabi.

Sebastian left St. Bart’s, taking the tube back to his flat. He had print outs of all the labs, the patient’s file and the OR reports. It wasn’t going to take him long to read through it all, making sure that there wasn’t anything amiss. Nothing that would end up being concerning to someone else. He also had a small flash drive from the operating theatre in his pocket. It was the video feed of the procedure as well as the preparation of the doctor. The CCTV system had been installed after some concern that a few doctors might have been drinking prior to their procedures. But Sebastian was hoping to be able to get a better look at something else.

He had stopped by his favourite Chinese place. It was disgusting, greasy and perfectly horrible. He got a pint of lo mein to go and headed back to his flat. 

Sebastian spread all his papers, files and things out on the coffee table. He looked it all over, making sure there wasn’t anything else he needed. He texted with Jim while he ate, feeling terrible that he wasn’t there with him, but it was better that he did this in private. Better that he did what he had to do without Jim being directly involved.

Sebastian looked over his papers and sighed, putting his phone aside. The idea had come to him earlier. He had noticed that something was off with his father. And despite the conversation they had had in the coffee shop, he still felt betrayed. He also felt that there was something underlying his father’s behaviour. But he couldn’t quite place what it was. Something was off. He knew that it was time to finally get back on his father. But normal revenge would never work on the him. He needed to have his reputation and skill chipped away at. Until there was nothing left. But Sebastian didn’t intend to do all the work. All he needed to do was to sow the seeds. In time he would reap the rewards.

Sebastian sat and watched the video seven times. He saw the shake in father’s hands each time. He saw the slight hesitancy when an order needed to be made. As if the man who usually knew what needed to be done well in advance was thinking about the next step. Running through the entire thing before he knew what needed to happen.  Dr. Moran usually ran a tight ship. But Seb knew him well enough to know he was slipping. Why was the question. But it wasn’t one that Seb was ready to answer yet.

He finished his work on the computer. He knew how to bounce his signal around the world nineteen ways to sunday. He knew how to code and hack. It was something that came easily to him. Almost as easily as holding a rifle and peering down a scope to a single target.

He changed the readings on the labs, in the reports. Elevated the numbers just slightly and then changed the results to start to rise harder. Higher and faster. By the time the nurse on duty read them, his blood sugar would only be about ¾ what it really was and the insulin overdose would kill him. And Sebastian loved that idea.

Seb looked through the pile of papers on Billy. He had gotten his hands on his medical file as well as his social services file. He knew that putting the boy in care was better than being at home, but there had to be someone else. Someone else in the family that would take the boy and care for him. But he wasn’t sure who.

After reading the lists for the third time, he found one. An aunt. On his late mother’s side. Seb logged onto his laptop and with very little problems, he hacked into the protective services file online. He changed the aunt’s name to a priority one and closed down his program. He’d done all he can. The boy will grow up safe and a monster will be put down. Sebastian knew that this was more than just protecting the boy when the plan came into his head. He knew that it would be easing a bit of Jim’s pain and taking his father down at the same time.

Seb put the papers in his bag, knowing that there is one last thing he needed to do for it all to be over. He slipped his shoes on and headed up to the roof of his building. There is a small barrel there that the tenants use from time to time to keep warm when they throw impromptu parties there. He loaded all the files into the barrel, the flash drive and soaked them in lighter fluid. He couldn’t get caught with hard copies of the computerized files. He dropped the can of lighter fluid into the barrel as well and light a single match from a pack. He dropped the rest of the matches into the can before stepping back a bit and adding the lit one. The entire thing went  up in a whoosh and the flames danced in the night sky, burning yellow and orange and amber.

Sebastian watched the fire burn until there was nothing left but ash and heat. The writing was gone and he felt safe. That there would be no traces of it. At all. Seb sat on the low wall around the edge of the roof and lit a cigarette. He smoked in silence for a bit before heading downstairs where he climbed into his shower, washing away the scent of the lighter fluid and soot. 

He climbed into the bed he hadn’t slept in for a while and felt how empty the space next to him was. He set his phone alarm and closed his eyes. He knew that if he fell asleep for a bit, that it would be safe enough to go to Jim’s and to crawl into bed with him. To ensure that everything would be perfect.

_ \---0000--- _

Present Day:

Jim listened as Sebastian explained what he had done and how he had done it. He nodded here and there, but he didn’t say much for a while. Seb licked his lips and looked up at Jim, waiting.

“You killed a man for me,” Jim said. No inflection. No tone. Just a straight simple fact. Sebastian nodded. “You killed a man because I told you something about him that wasn’t…. Good.”

“Yes,” Seb said. His stomach was starting to feel like like it was trying to climb out of his throat. But luckily his throat had gone dry and closed up, stopping its escape. Jim’s face was flat. There was nothing to read on it and in the dim lighting of the room, he couldn’t get a good look in his eyes either.

“Not only did you kill a man for me, you made it look as though your father screwed up and did something terrible. You framed your father for a murder of a man that I told you was bad,” Jim continued. Seb’s voice had left him and he felt even worse now. He began to second guess everything he had done. But he thought he had done right by Jim. He thought he was doing the right thing to protect the boy.

Jim didn’t say anything more. He stood up from the sofa and looked at Sebastian before moving closer to him. Seb sat still, perfectly still. He was sure that Jim was going to do something…. What? Punch him? Hit him? Pull a hidden knife out of some place and slice open his throat? No… that wasn’t Jim’s style… but then again, what did he know? It wasn’t like he knew if Jim had ever killed anyone else besides from the patients in the hospital.

Jim was trying to fit all the pieces together. In the chair opposite him was a man. A man who was everything that Jim could ever think he wanted in another person. He just never thought that he could find that kind of a person to be with. Jim got up from the sofa and moved closer to Seb, and looked at him. He tilted his head and a slow smile began to fall across his face. Sebastian Moran… he was amazing and he saw Jim. He saw Jim exactly for what he was and who he was. And he still wanted him.

Seb watched the smiled spread across Jim’s face and his blood turned to ice in his veins. 

“Jim….” he said, a bit breathlessly. He was scared and nervous… not afraid of death. But afraid of the man with the inability to control his urges that stood in front of him. And not afraid of what Jim could do to him… would do to him…. But the fear that ran through his body was that of losing him. Sebastian was scared of being without him.

Jim saw everything that passed across Seb’s face and he leaned in, stroking his face with his fingertips. “Sebastian.” It was firm. Simple and yet filled with so many things unsaid that Jim didn’t think that the four syllables could ever contain it all.

Seb looked at Jim and blinked once. “I’m sorry. I… I made an assumption….”

Sebastian had learned very early on with Jim that he was a lot stronger than he looked. Most people saw a small man, someone who was nearly a head shorter than the ex military man and his very slender physique… they misjudged what he was capable of. Seb knew better. He was strong and quick. So quick that Seb had nearly ended up with a bloody nose and lip the first time they finally ended up in the shower together. 

But in his own shame and confusion from Jim’s near silence, he had missed Jim’s movements. One moment Jim was standing in front of him and the next… Jim’s hands were fisted in his shirt, his body being dragged closer as Jim settled into his lap and his lips were moving at a dizzying pace across his own. Seb sat in shock for a moment before he finally began to respond, his left hand moving up to Jim’s head and his right moving to his hip, pulling him closer. Jim kissed him hard, biting and sucking at his lips, and Seb responded in kind. Once they moved beyond the point where they needed to breathe, they pulled away from each other. Jim’s eyes were on Sebastian’s and Seb was struggling to think.

“I… I take it… you don’t mind…” Seb finally said. Jim didn’t answer but nearly pushed them both over with the ferocity with which he kissed Seb. Seb laughed against the kiss and Jim grinned. 

“I don’t mind, no,” he said before kissing him hard, tugging his bottom lip between his teeth. Seb knew that in the end, tonight was going to be a night that neither of them would ever forget.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian washed his hands in the men’s room and came out into the corridor. He was the only one in the hallway and he was quiet when he meant to be. He was walking back towards the main part of the ward. He had a little charting left to do before his shift was up and he was heading to his to get a few things before heading over to Jim’s. Things between them had been good. A week after the night that Seb had thought that Jim was going to kill him… Seb felt the most  at peace he had in a long time. 

A noise ahead of him startled him and he looked up, a smile still on his lips after thinking of Jim. His father was standing in front of him, a shocked look on his face. Seb’s smile faltered a bit. “Father.”

“Sebastian.” He nodded his head and took a few small steps towards his son. Seb noticed that even in the  week since he had seen him,his father had aged. Seb looked to his right and noticed that Dr. Moran had exited from Sherlock Holmes's office. Seb tilted his head.

“Did Dr. Holmes call you in on another consult?” Seb asked his father. 

“Not exactly,” his father answered, “I’m here as a….favour for someone.”

“Favour,” Seb said, rolling the word around his mouth. It wasn’t usual for his father to do favours for someone. Unless he was getting something out of it himself. “That’s… good?”

Dr. Moran chuckled and looked at his son. “It’s good,” he said. He gave Sebastian a smile and Seb felt his world tilted on its axis. His father didn’t do favours. He didn’t chuckle and he certainly didn’t smile. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but something was. “You are off shift shortly, yes?”

“Yes,” Seb said plainly, “I’ve got about twenty minutes left.” 

“Plans for dinner?” His father put his hands behind his back and Seb found his migrating into his pockets. His feet were standing at parade rest. Old habits die hard.

“Um…. well….”

“I’m sure your young man would understand. Dinner with your father.” Seb said nothing but nodded his head. 

“I would want to go home and um… clean up a bit. Change my clothes,” Seb said automatically. Text Jim. Have a panic attack in private.

“That’s fine. I can drive you there. Wait… Then take you wherever after.”

“Yeah… okay,” Seb agreed after a moment, “now… if you can excuse me, I have some charting to finish up. I’ll meet you downstairs in… half an hour?”

“Good. Very good.” Dr. Moran nodded once and moved towards the lift. 

Sebastian walked back to his desk, sat down and looked down the corridor towards Sherlock’s office. He wasn’t sure if Sherlock would tell him anything. But he was sure that he already knew.

Seb finished his charting and logged out of his portal. He pulled out his phone and headed to his locker room before opening up the text app.

[Seb] Weird afternoon.

[Jim] Oh? Weird how?

[Seb] Ran into my father. He invited me to dinner. I’m going to go. I’ll be over after if you want.

[Jim] If I want? Of course I want. I miss you when you aren’t here. 

Seb smiled at his phone. It buzzed in his hand again.

[Jim] You are spending the night making up to me that you are cancelling our dinner plans.

[Seb] Dinner plans? I didn’t know we had any. 

Seb pulled out his bag and slung it over his shoulder. He waited for Jim’s reply. It didn’t come until he was in the lift, heading down the five floors to the lobby. 

[Jim] I was thinking Thai… in bed.

[Seb] Yes… of course. Well… we are both off tomorrow. So breakfast in bed would work.

[Jim] It would. Behave yourself. I’ll miss you. I’ll see you when you get here. I love you.

[Seb] I’ll miss you too. And I’ll see you soon. I love you.

Seb put his phone in his pocket as his father, who was waiting for him, opened the door of his rented car for him. 

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian waited until his father excused himself to use the restroom. He pulled out his phone and sent off a quick message.

[Seb] We are just ordering coffee. I think he wants to talk about something.

[Jim] Okay. I’ve been thinking we should talk about something too.

[Seb] Oh? Please don’t wait. What is it?

Seb watched as the little bubbles indicating Jim was typing a message popped up on his phone, but he put it down on the table. His father had returned and sat down in his chair. He placed his napkin in his lap and smiled at his son.

“So…” Seb said, waiting as he stirred a bit of cream into his coffee,“you said you wanted to talk about something.”

“I did,” Dr. Moran said. He wiped his lips on his napkin and placed it on the table. “Sebastian… I… I’m sure you’ve begun to figure out there is something…. More… than… that I…” Seb looked at his face, his own face blank. “I know you aren’t stupid Sebastian. You are a very intelligent man. And I have to admit that I’m proud of you. You are… you made a difference. In the army. And now. You make a difference.”

“Thank you?” Seb felt confused. His phone remained blank on the table top when he glanced down and then back up. 

“Yes… it was a compliment. I know that I’ve never been… generous with them. I regret that too.” 

“Regrets? Morans don’t do regrets.”

“No… they generally don’t. But… but I am. I am going do this.” Dr. Moran took a deep breath. “Sebastian. I… I have a  meningioma of the sella.” 

Sebastian took a deep breath. It explained everything and he knew. He knew now what he went to see Sherlock for.

Sebastian’s phone pinged on the table next to him and he glanced down. A text from Jim.

[Jim] I think we should move in together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a bit of a liberty with Dr. Moran's illness. The diagnosis is a brain tumor. It can be exhibited by changes in vision, shakes in the hands, and personality changes. Similar to dementia. I've made his a bit worse though. >shrugs


	12. Chapter 12- Revelations and Reservations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seb's reactions to the news and the question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow... so we are so close to being done here! I hope you are all enjoying this.  
> I want to thank Hibernia1 once more for all their awesome help on this. I couldn't have done it without you.
> 
> Comments are always welcome!

Sebastian sat in the chair at the restaurant. He felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room. It had been a long day and now…. His life had just changed in two ways. His father admitted he had a rare brain tumour and his boyfriend had said he wanted Sebastian to move in with him. He wasn’t sure what to feel next.

Seb looked at his father. “Fa… Dad… can you… can you forgive my rudeness for a moment please. I would like to just answer a text message and then… I’ll… I’ll talk to you.” 

Dr. Moran nodded his head and smiled. “By all means. Please… please text your young man. Send my regards.”

Seb smiled and nodded his head. He picked up his phone and sent out a simple text, erasing a few lines a few times before feeling satisfied with the message.

[Seb] I got your text. And I would like to talk to you about it. Not in a bad way. In a good way. But my father just dropped a rather large bomb in my lap and I need to deal with this now. I’ll be home in a while. Can’t say when. But have a large whiskey ready for me. Please. I love you. And father sends his regards.

Jim looked at his phone and frowned. Something was happening. Something that wasn’t good.

[Jim] I will. Please don’t let him get to you. The only person you need to make happy is me. And yourself if I feel that you deserve it. I love you too. Hurry up.

Seb smiled and put his phone away into his pocket. He picked up his coffee and took a drink, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Sherlock is taking you on as a patient?”

“He’s considering it, yes,” Dr. Moran said.

“And he thinks that treatment will… work?” Sebastian kept his tone professional. Medical.

“That’s the plan. Excise the tumor and a course of radiation. But yes.” Seb nodded and looked at his now empty coffee cup. You would have made a fantastic doctor. Ahead of your time.” Dr. Moran paused and looked at the man across from him. He closed his eyes. “I am proud of you… no matter what. But killing a patient Sebastian. Killing one of my patients….”

Sebastian’s eyes grew wide as they snapped to his father’s face. His father’s face was dark and a smile played at his lips. “I’m not an idiot. I know you changed the numbers. Added more dextrose to the bags. You… you saw it in me.”

“Saw what?” Seb asked.

“The tremor. The distraction, the lack of focus. You noticed it. Even the slight change in personality. You’ve noticed it all.” Seb couldn’t say anything. He was fighting with everything in him to stay still. To remain unaffected. But he was panicking inside. If his father knew… it wasn’t going to take much to have him tell someone. He could prove that Sebastian did it. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to tell anyone. It’s…” Dr. Moran waved his hand in the air. “It’s fine. The man was indeed a horrible person. No matter how much I wanted to… I never hit you.” Seb nodded his head. “I’m not telling you this with the desire to achieve some sort of…. Peace between us. It’s… It’s because I… I just felt you should know.”

“I should know,” Seb repeated. He sat looking at the man he knew as his father for a long time before he spoke. “I… I’m having a hard time with this. I just don’t understand….”

“Sebastian… what is there to understand?”

“Why… why do you care? Why do you care what I do?” Seb stood up from the table and placed his napkin on the table. “I mean it. You… I’m sorry you are sick. I… I would never wish this on anyone. But… but honestly… why should I care about you. Why should I care about the man who turned me away. Time and again?” He shook his head. “I’ll care for you if you are my patient father. But I… I won’t care for you as a son.”

“I’m sorry Sebastian. I’m sorry that you feel so… neglected. Go to your lover. Get the attention you are seeking. And maybe… maybe you’ll understand someday.”

Sebastian looked at his father. He was sad. His face was hollow and waxen. “I already understand father. Thank you for dinner.” He was polite and his accent was back to his normal one. The one that he was brought up with. “I… I’m sure I’ll see you soon.” He turned on his heel and left the restaurant. He took his bag out of the back of the car and hailed a cab, telling the driver to drive away before giving him the address for Jim’s flat.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian turned his key in the lock of the flat, opened the door and closed it behind him. He clicked the lock back into place before taking off his shoes and hanging up his coat. He dropped his bag on the floor behind the sofa and headed straight for the bar. He picked up the bottle of scotch, two glasses and flopped onto the sofa next to Jim. He poured them each a measure. Seb knocked his back in one go and poured another. Jim watched Seb out of the corner of his eye. He reached for his whiskey and took a sip.

“So…..” 

“Give me a moment. I… I’m not sure where to start,” Seb said. Jim nodded. Seb closed his eyes for a few moments and relaxed. “My father has a brain tumour.” 

“I’m sorry?”

“Yeah…” Seb said with a smirk. “It explains a lot of what I’ve been seeing.”

“It does. Where?”

“It’s a  meningioma of the sella.”

“Oh… that’s…” Jim found himself at a loss for words. He looked at Sebastian for a bit. “Is that… no. That’s not what’s bothering you.”

“No. It’s not.” Seb rubbed his face and sighed. “He knows.”

“Knows what?” Jim asked without thinking. “Shit,” he said as the realization came upon him. “Shit shit shit.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“So now what?”

Seb sat there on the sofa and let his mind wander for a bit. “He says he’s not interested in telling anyone. He… he wants me to be happy.”

“As do I,” Jim said with a small smile. “But… why was he at Bart’s?”

“He was seeking a consult with Holmes.” Jim’s mouth turned into a small o and then he nodded. 

“Makes sense. Sherlock’s brilliant. If anyone can figure it out… Sherlock will.”

“I know,” Seb said. He sighed. “I’m just...he just dropped it in my lap while we were having coffee…. The whole thing.” 

“That’s not… that sucks,” Jim said. Secretly he was happy both his parents were long dead and that he had no one other than Sebastian that might be able to manipulate him like that. “And I wasn’t the most timely with my request, was I.”

“No… actually… that’s the only thing that’s keeping me from being completely and utterly drunk. Into such a place as I was… before.” Seb moved and rested his head against Jim’s shoulder. Jim’s hand came up to his head and stroked through his hair, automatically. “I… I think I need something to distract me.”

Jim smirked. “I think I can do that.” Seb chuckled silently. “Really now Sebastian… I think you underestimate me.”

“No… I really don’t.”

Jim stood up from the sofa abruptly and held out his hand. He looked down at Sebastian. “Do you trust me?”

Seb looked at Jim. His eyes had gone to that dark unreadable place that they did when he was at his most dangerous. His face was blank and a small smile played at his lips. Seb felt his heart and stomach do a flip and he nodded.

“With my life.” Jim gave him a curt nod and Seb took his hand, getting up off the sofa. 

Jim lead them both into the bedroom and looked Sebastian up and down. He licked his lips and came up into his personal space. 

“Before we start, I want you to remember that I love you. I love you so much I want you to move in here with me. I want you to spend every night with me. I want you to come home after work and cook with me. To curl up with me on the sofa and argue with me over the tellie. I want us to spend our holidays together… I want a relationship with you.” Seb smiled as the sentiment poured out of him. “But Sebastian… we both have dark sides. We both have… needs that we need to fill.”

Sebastian smiled. “I want that too. I want all of that. I want nothing more than to be in a relationship with you.” He began to look deeply into Jim’s eyes. The room was dimly lit and he couldn’t see much past the black pools that stared up at him. “I… what…” Seb wasn’t sure what else to say. “I love you” was the simplest choice. Jim leaned up and kissed him deeply, running his hands down his arms, taking both of Seb’s hands in his own and holding them gently. 

“Now… my darling… strip. Lie down on the bed, towards the center.”

Seb smiled and Jim moved towards the dresser, pulling out a few things and finally tossed a pair of handcuffs at Seb. Sebastian caught them easily and raised an eyebrow at him.  “Problem?” Jim asked.

“No… just...curious…”

“Trust me… I will distract you,” Jim said, his voice low and dark. Seb nodded and cuffed one bracelet around his wrist, keeping it tight but not so tight it would cut his circulation off. Jim moved over the bed and grabbed Seb’s wrists, pulling them up and over his head. He looped the handcuffs through the headboard and fastened the other wrist. “Just remember the more you fight the deeper the metal cuts,” Jim said in a slightly sing song voice. Seb rolled his eyes.

Jim smirked at Sebastian and ran a hand down his chest and let it rest on his stomach for a bit. Jim seemed mesmerized with the rise and fall of his hand that came with Sebastian’s breathing. The room was quiet and Seb wondered if Jim was really there.

“When I was a child… I had this idea in my head that I was the devil and Richie was the angel. Like in the old cartoon, you know?” Seb nodded and Jim took a moment to lick his lips before continuing. “Richie was dark… he was the one who dyed his hair black and wore Doc Martens, listening to Joy Division and The Cure… things like that. I… I was the one who looked normal on the outside… but inside… we were as different as we could be.”

Jim closed his eyes. “Inside, Richie was kind-hearted. Sweet. The kind of lad you’d see helping little old ladies with their shopping bags and kicking a football around with a bunch of kids. I… I always had my nose stuck in a book. I was the one who got high the first time. I was the one who would poke the dead animals alongside the road with a stick. I was the one who would throw rocks at the neighbourhood strays. I… I was the one with the sadistic streak in them that would get the larger boys to beat each other up for fun and profit.”  Jim chuckled. “It wasn’t until I was about twelve that I realized that I needed more than split lips and nose bleeds. That I needed to make sure that someone… that I could experience just how fragile life really is. There was this boy… and older boy…. And he used to laugh at me. He would tease me. Call me a runt… everything. He… he was a horrible bully. And I stopped him laughing. I had even paid a teammate of his to nick his trainers for me. I still have them.” Jim sighed wistfully and Seb looked at him. His face was placid, content even. He had a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. He was far away. “I couldn’t be there for the event. There was no reason for me to be in London at that time. Or in Sussex where the previous meet had been. But… I managed to make sure he was dead all the same.” Jim’s eyes snapped back into focus and he looked down at Sebastian, who was calm. His breathing was regular… well maybe not regular. He was slightly hyped up, but Jim’s hand being mere inches from his cock and being handcuffed to the bed usually did that to Sebastian. He was hard and his rather large cock was sitting against his belly. Jim gave it an appreciative look before speaking again. “When I got older I knew that I was never going to lose this desire to feel the power of life and death at my hands. I knew that I had to do something about it. At first… it was a few drunks and addicts in alleyways. The underbelly of London. People no one would miss. I thought I was doing the world a favour. And years later… as I started working in the field… I found that there were all types of people that came into the hospital. Bad people. Good people. People who needed help. People who would pay money to die. Or pay money to have someone… killed. And… that’s how it began.”

“And now?” Seb asked.

“Oh… I still get paid. Not always. The… the first you found… I was paid. His daughter wanted me to put him out of his misery. The cash she paid me… it’s hidden away. And I’ve done it more times than I can say.”

“Where… where... “ Seb stopped talking. Jim’s fingers had begun to dig into his skin and he was close to breaking through the sensitive skin of his belly with his nails. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Why Sebastian?” Jim asked, looking at Seb’s face with a sharp focus. “Because… I can’t have the one person I trust… the only person I really trust to know who and what I really am… to give away our services for free….”

“Our?” Seb said, swallowing hard. He felt as if something had changed between them.

“Yes… ours. You really think that now I’m not going to bring you into this with me? Who would suspect you? Really… you are clever. More so than I thought… and I’m going to give you a gift my love… just not yet. And not now… I’m going to fuck you now… I’m going to bring you to the edge and back… several times over.” Seb let out a small moan and Jim’s hand loosened its grip. “I would like to see how far you would go for me… Sebastian,” Jim said with  dark eyes. Seb swore he could see a hint of fire behind them and he let out a shiver.

“To hell and beyond,” Seb said in a low hoarse whisper. Jim smiled and nodded.

“That’s what I thought.” Jim moved to straddle Seb’s hips, his own clothed body laying down on top of Sebastian’s. He stroked Seb’s bottom lip with his thumb and leaned in for a tender kiss. “I promise you… after I’m done with you, you’ll never forget who has your heart.”

“I couldn’t ever forget. I gave it to you already.”

Jim laughed a bit and rolled off of Sebastian leaving him gasping. The strain of not having any contact on his erection suddenly was more than he could take and he needed something soon. Jim leered at him and sighed. “Look at you… a panting desperate mess already. And I want so much to give you what you want… but I’m not quite ready yet.”

Sebastian wasn’t sure what Jim meant. What was going to happen next? Was Jim just going to up and leave him there for a while? Was Jim going to torture him? 

“Jim….” Seb moaned out.

“Oh… patience tiger…. We’ll get there soon enough,” Jim purred, beginning to undress himself. He pulled his t-shirt over his head and carried it to the hamper before taking off his socks. He padded around the bedroom, barefoot, his jeans slung low on his slender hips. The top of his arse showed and Seb sucked in a breath as he realized that Jim wasn’t wearing anything underneath his jeans. Jim’s head turned to look at Seb over his shoulder, a smirk playing on his lips.

 

“See something you like?” Jim asked. Seb managed to get a snigger out before rolling his eyes. 

“Yes… of course I do,” Seb said. He moved a bit, trying to get more comfortable with his hands clasped above his head.

“You…. comfortable?” Jim asked, a smile playing at his lips. His tone was less than sincere but his eyes spelled out care.

“I’m fine” Seb said. He closed his eyes and let himself drift. He felt the bed dip next to him and he sighed as he felt Jim near him. Jim’s hands skated up Seb’s side and he shivered under his touch.

Jim had a plan. He was going to slowly take Sebastian apart and put him back together again. He wanted to make sure Sebastian knew to whom he belonged. He leaned in and Seb sucked in a breath as the pressure on his skin changed. It was sharp, nearly painful. Seb recognized the sensation of a knife tip being dragged down his side. 

“Shh… it’s alright now.” Jim said in a slightly mocking tone, “I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. Nor will I do anything that will require us to go to work.” Jim dragged the tip up Seb’s side and circled around his nipple. He hummed to himself. “Look at you… you are so beautiful… you know that? And now… I’m going to make sure you know that I am yours.”

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian closed his eyes, his head floating away. He was sated, tired, sore and his arms felt leaden as he put them down at his sides. His wrists were a mess of bruises and open cuts. His chest and back were covered in various scratches and teeth marks. Jim had taken his time, turning Sebastian’s skin and body into a masterpiece of violence. He had brought him to the edge and back more times than Sebastian could remember. 

Jim stood at the foot of the bed, a bowl of warm water and a cloth in his hand. He had cleaned himself up already and was planning on making sure that Sebastian was okay. He smiled and moved to the side of the bed, beginning his nursing. 

“You alright?” he asked Seb, keeping his voice low and quiet, “I… I didn’t hurt you too much, did I?”

“I…” Seb croaked at first. He cleared his throat and started again. “I’m good. Just… sore and tired.”

“That’s good then.”

“It is.” Seb opened his eyes and smiled up at the man who was currently cleaning him up with  the utmost care and a loving touch. He let out a long slow quiet breath. “You alright?”

The question caught Jim slightly off guard. “Am I… alright?” he echoed. He tilted his head as he considered the question. “Yesss….” he said, his word a whisper. “Yes, I am,” he repeated a bit more confident. He dabbed at Seb’s open cuts and his wrists, tutting at the state of him. “Really Sebastian, you shouldn’t have struggled so much. Your wrists are going to take weeks to heal properly. And we have a guest coming for dinner tomorrow night.”

“Well… you should have thought about that when you had your tongue in my ass for more than twenty minutes,” Seb said with an amused look on his face. “That’s right… “ he said after a moment or two, “Molly is coming, isn’t she.”

“Hmm…. yes,” Jim said, wrapping a bit of cotton gauze around Seb’s left wrist. Seb held it up to inspect it. He thought it made him look like a suicide survivor. He yawned widely, his jaw cracking at the movement. Jim smiled and patted his arm. “Go to sleep Seb. It’s fine. I’ll be in in a moment. Just want to… clean up a bit more.” Seb nodded a bit and dozed off as soon as he closed his eyes.


	13. Chapter 13- Dinner?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dinner with Molly

##  Chapter 13

Molly had been over to Jim’s before, but not since he had been dating Sebastian. She was nervous and clutched at the bottle of wine in her hand. Jim answered her knock and smiled at her. 

“Molly! So lovely to see you. Come in…” he said, his tone just this side of  too much. Seb rolled his eyes as he wiped his hands on the tea towel he had slung over his shoulder. He had been cooking most of the afternoon, feeling a bit anxious about what was going to happen that evening. He hadn’t spent a great deal of time with Molly and he hoped that they could be… friendly towards each other for Jim’s sake. He walked out of the kitchen and greeted Molly.

“Hello Molly. So glad you could join us,” he said, giving her a small peck on the cheek and wrapping an arm around Jim’s waist.

“Jim… Sebastian… thank you both for having me,” she said with as much cheer as she could manage to cover her nerves. “Here… I brought this for.. you.” she said, thrusting the bottle of wine at Jim. Jim took it with a smile and read the label. His eyebrows rose up a bit and he turned it to show Seb. It was a really good wine.

“Wow… thank you Molly,” Seb said, completely sincere. “This is lovely. Shall I open it?” he asked, taking it from Jim as it was held in his direction.

“Um… sure,” Molly said, biting on her lip a bit. Jim offered to take her coat as Seb went to pour them each a glass of wine. He came out of the kitchen a few minutes later, three glasses of wine in his hand and a small plate of nibbles in the other.

“Molly…” he said handing her a glass and then handing one to Jim before setting the plate down on the coffee table. “Dinner will be about a half an hour.” 

“It smells lovely,” she said, sounding a bit more sure of herself after a sip of wine. “Oh… this is rather good isn’t it.”

“It is,” Jim said, taking a sip  himself as well as  a prosciutto wrapped fig. He popped it in his mouth, giving a satisfied hum. He took a deep breath  and realized that the food Seb had been cooking did indeed smell delightful. “It does smell good in here. Seb actually is an amazing cook.”

“It’s nothing special,” Seb said with a shrug. He sat back and toyed with his wine a little. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy it, it was more to do with the fact that he wanted a clear head for tonight’s dinner and he felt that it was important not to start with even one full glass. 

“Stop being modest,” Jim warned. His voice was a mixture of teasing and warning. Seb nodded.

The three people finally found the rhythm of conversation after a bit and Seb got up to check on their dinner. He set the food out on the table and Jim and Molly joined him.

“This is amazing,” Molly said, trying to hide the surprise in her voice.

“You say that like it’s really a surprise,” Seb said after swallowing his own bite. 

“No… it’s…” Molly’s blush was endearing and Seb reached out to touch her hand.

“It’s alright,” he said, smiling at her.

“No… it’s…” she put her fork down and sipped her wine, to clear her throat. “I… I would like to talk to the two of you about something.” 

Jim looked at Molly then up at Seb. Seb was trying to keep his face calm, but Jim could see the panic in his eyes. “What’s that?” Jim asked, trying to remain casual.

“Well…. It was the patient that you came down to swap out the tag on the other day… it.. It got me thinking about something,” Molly started. “And… I… I went through my own notes… and I… I noticed something.”

“Something?” Seb asked, putting down his fork and looking at Molly, trying to keep his face impassive.

“Yes… well… it’s a matter of… well…” Molly took a long drink, finishing her glass. She swallowed and looked at Jim, then at Sebastian. “If you two are going to continue to kill patients, at least give me a bit of a heads up so that I can make sure that there is nothing that could go… awry.”

“Excuse me?” Sebastian said after a few minutes. Jim said nothing but leaned back in his chair, cradling his wine. The smirk on his face was…. Unreadable.

“I… I know it was one of you. Or both… That part I’m not sure of. But there are more deaths that are just… something is off. And I… I looked into Mr. Darvill’s history. I know he put his son in hospital too.”

Jim nodded his head. “Well done you.” he said., “I always knew you were clever. Just never sure how clever exactly.”

“Jim…” Seb said, looking at his boyfriend. Jim waved his hand at Sebastian.

“It’s fine Sebastian,” he said. He reached out and took Molly’s hand. “She’s not going to do anything about it, now are you love?”

“No,” Molly said, feeling a bit uncomfortable. “I… I would never…”

“No. Because I think you rather enjoy the knowledge once you figure it out. And that you enjoy the puzzle too. And it’s knowledge that our dear Dr. Sherlock doesn’t have either. He’s not as clever as our little pathologist, now is he?” Jim answered, using Molly’s crush on Sherlock to his advantage. It seemed to work as Molly sat up a bit taller and a bit brighter.

“He… he doesn’t know?” she asked, slightly breathless.

“No. He doesn’t,” Jim said, “Sad little Sherlock hasn’t figured out our… game.”

“Is it a game?” Seb said, narrowing his eyes at Jim. Jim’s laughter filled the room and put Sebastian’s teeth on edge.

“Of course it is my dear Sebby. Life is a game. Death is a game… we are just helping those who can’t… can’t find their way to the end.” Jim smiled at him and his eyes were dark. Molly hadn’t seen the flash of pure evil that Seb had and he thanked his lucky stars for that. It was unnerving and arousing at the same time.

“I suppose….” Molly said, her voice far away. She seemed to be deep in thought and began to surface again. “I suppose that given the right circumstances life is indeed a game. And sometimes we all deserve a bit of a chance to be the master of that game.”

“Exactly,” Jim said, his smile wide. Seb took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment.

“But to what end Jim?” she asked,“what are the rules?”

“Rules?” Jim asked, his face suddenly more serious. “The rules, my darling girl, are so simple. Only those who deserve death are granted the push. To help them to the other side.”

“And what makes them worthy?”

“Ah… that’s the age old question, isn’t it?” Jim asked, “what makes anyone worthy of anything?” There was something more to the question and Jim’s eyes looked far away. Sebastian wasn’t sure how much Molly knew of Jim’s past but he knew enough to feel that this really had started in earnest when Jim became sober.

“Pain,” Seb said. Jim’s eyes snapped up at his lover and he nodded encouragingly. “Pain that is so horrible that no relief can be found. Either their own or causing it in others. Hatred of those who are innocent. Um… greed, gluttony, sloth….”

“Yes… of course, Sebastian. All the classics. But that alone doesn’t make someone  _ worthy _ . It’s a special combination of things. And the muse has to strike too,” Jim clarified. Molly nodded in agreement.

“No one who doesn’t need it… or deserve it, right?” she asked a bit nervously.

“No one who doesn’t deserve it,” Jim agreed firmly, “I’m not a murderer. Just… death’s helper.”

_ \---0000--- _

Jim closed the door behind Molly and sagged against it for a bit. It had gone better than he had thought it would, but he was tired. It was hard to keep up the act for so long even though Sebastian had tried to help. He was in the kitchen cleaning up. Jim smiled at the sounds he heard,stood up a bit straighter and walked into the small dining area. He cleared a few more dishes, bringing them into the kitchen. He put them on the countertop and hopped up next to them. He smiled at Sebastian.

“What?” Seb said, his face not quite smiling, but more relaxed than it could be. He had been thinking about how their dinner had gone and he felt… okay with it. Molly had turned out to be a lot smarter than she let on and Seb knew they had a lot in common. He was more worried about how Jim saw himself and about some of the things he had said about murder and death. 

“Nothing. Just nice having a manservant around the house,” Jim teased, kicking at Seb a bit as he passed. Seb turned and glared at him for a moment before going to get the rest of the dishes. He came back into the kitchen and Jim rolled his eyes. “What? I was teasing love.”

“Don’t care,” Seb said with a slight edge to his voice. He wasn’t Jim’s servant, but he was starting to feel that way. He didn’t mind doing some of the domestic chores around the flat. But if they were going to consider moving in together… then it was going to be a topic of discussion.

“Sebby…. Don’t be that way, darling,” Jim cooed. Seb took a step back and clenched his jaw.

“Don’t,” he warned.

“Don’t what?” Jim asked, raising his eyebrows in challenge, “Don’t tell you it’s nice to have someone take care of me? To do the things I’m bad at? To… to be…”

“Your fucking maid?” Seb said, his words coming out a bit more snarky than he intended. But he wondered if that wasn’t the truth .

“Seb…” Jim said, looking at him. His face was stripped of all his masks. And Seb looked at him for a moment before putting the last of the things into the dishwasher.

“You know… sometimes I think the only reason you keep me around is because you want a play thing. A cat with a mouse between its paws.”

“Is that… is that what you think?” Jim asked. He chastised himself for the edge of hurt that laced his words.  Seb said nothing further, just shrugging before he leaned against the counter. “Jesus Seb, you fucking need to get your head examined.”

“Yeah… I know I do,” he said with a laugh. “But really… I… I don’t know what to think. Sometimes… I can see that there is something more there. Something under the surface that you only give me a glimpse of. But then I see the calculated way you look at the world. And I wonder if I’m not a part of a bigger plan.”

Sebastian had found himself feeling… off for a while. As if he was nothing more than a pawn in Jim’s larger game of life. And he had ended up killing a man to impress him. He seriously wondered if Jim cared about him at all, or if it was all an act.

“Sebastian,” Jim said. His voice was half exasperated and half annoyed. “If you think for one moment that I planned…. This..” he said, waving a hand between them, “then you must be high. I didn’t. I didn’t plan a thing. You fell into my lap, into my life and I’m not complaining about it one bit. But you need to tell me what the fuck is bothering you… right now.” Jim looked at Seb and tried to read him. But Sebastian was one of the few people in the world that Jim couldn’t read. At least not all the time.

“What’s bothering me,” Seb said, “maybe it’s… something to do with…. Everything that’s happened as of late. I’ve.. i’ve just had enough for a while.”

“You’re tired, tiger.” Seb rolled his eyes at the nickname. “Come on. You spent the day working hard on dinner and you were a good host. We both have to work tomorrow. So let me run you a bath and then… let me take care of you.”

Seb sighed as he ran a hand along the back of his neck. “Yeah… maybe you’re right.” He gave Jim a half smile. “Let’s just… yeah.”


	14. Chapter 14- Something in the air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock suddenly understands what's happening around him and we begin to see Jim's demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow!  
> Only four more to go! I can't believe we are so close to the end. I hope everyone is enjoying it so far.  
> Once again I would like to thank Hibernia1 for all their wonderful help in refining this as well as my own cheerleader, the Jim to my Seb... littleredhotridinghood. Love you kitten.  
> And of course... all my other readers and kudo-ers. Thanks for the love!

##  Chapter 14

Sherlock sat at his desk, later than usual. He had been reviewing the last of a few files that had been sent to him. Patients wanting to seek treatment under his care. He had rejected them all. There was nothing about them that was special. 

An alert on his email server pinged to show him a new message. He opened it, finding only the quarterly reports of his department. There were several deaths listed. Something still didn’t sit well with Sherlock in regards to the mortality rate on his ward. He thought that there was something off about it. Granted, oncology had its issues. There was plenty of death when battling cancer. But Sherlock still felt that the numbers were too high.

Sherlock began to scroll back through the reports from previous quarters. And he noticed a pattern. He sat back in his chair, his fingers steepled against his lips. He closed his eyes and went into his mind palace. The one place that he was able to really find the answers he felt were escaping him.

John Watson was used to spending time alone. He and Sherlock often worked different shifts and Sherlock’s patients often came first. But it wasn’t that he always liked it. It was rare that Sherlock missed plans that they might have . John knew that Sherlock was still at Bart’s. He walked through the quiet corridors and found his way to Sherlock’s office.

He gently knocked on the door and pushed it open. Sherlock was sitting in his chair and John’s face broke into a smile. “Mind palace,” he thought to himself. He settled on the sofa on Sherlock’s left and pulled out the dog-eared novel that was in his pocket, reading until Sherlock came out of his mind palace.

It was nearly an hour later when Sherlock surfaced, one word on his lips:. “Jim.”

“What about him?” John asked, marking his page. Sherlock looked over to John and smiled softly, then closed his eyes with a frown. He had forgotten their plans.

“I’m sorry. I… I lost track of time,” Sherlock said. 

“I know you did. But… I’m used to it,” John answered,“if I was truly upset, you’d know.” 

“That I would.”

“So… what were you figuring out? What… what about Jim?” Sherlock licked his lips. 

“Let’s go to Angelo’s. I’ll explain there.”

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian checked his notes once more. Everything was finished and he still had twenty minutes to kill. Jim’s patient load was heavier than his, but it wasn’t terrible. He decided to go and see if he needed any help. 

They had spent the night curled around each other in bed, Jim giving Sebastian all the affection that he usually didn’t show him. But Seb found that after the recent night of brutal sex they’d had just a few days before and all the tension and stress they had been under, it was nice to just be affectionate and tender with each other. They really were in love. And the few moments that they had been able to share during their shift together was more than enough for now. Jim had suggested getting take away and heading home after work. Seb thought it sounded perfect to him. The two of them curled up on the sofa, watching something on the tellie and just being together.

Sherlock had talked over his dilemma with John for what seemed like the entire night. John had not said a word at Sherlock’s epiphany for a long time, just listening to him talk, and finally understanding that Sherlock had indeed found the answer that no one else had. But it wasn’t for lack of trying. They just weren’t as smart as Sherlock and Jim. 

Sherlock stood up from behind his desk and decided that he needed to know exactly how far it went. He opened the door to his office and as luck would have it, Sebastian was passing. 

“Moran… do you have a moment?” Sherlock asked, holding the door open.

“Sure,” Seb answered, shrugging and stuffing his hands into his pockets. He ducked into Sherlock’s office and Sherlock motioned for the chair across the desk from him. Seb settled into it and waited. He was unsure of what Sherlock could want with him and he wasn’t sure what he might have done right… or wrong for that matter.

Jim had seen Sebastian coming towards him but he was surprised when Sherlock had asked Sebastian to step into his office. He quickly finished his task and headed towards the office, standing outside the door, trying to listen.

“Sebastian…” Sherlock started, giving him a false smile. Sebastian felt more than a bit unnerved by the slasher grin that painted Sherlock’s usually flatly unaffected face. “You and Jim… you are… well…”

“In a relationship. Sleeping together. Possibly moving in together. Yes. I assume that’s what you are asking.”

Sherlock was a bit startled at Seb’s willingness to be frank. He nodded. “Yes. You work well together.”

“We do, don’t we,” Seb said, sitting back some and scratching his chin. His sleeve rode up and his damaged wrist was put on display. He gave Sherlock a small smile and winked. “We do a lot of things well together.”

Sherlock nodded. He knew that Jim had a love for all things… rough… and he himself was no stranger to Jim’s occasional desire for slightly perverse sex. “Yes… well… have you… have you noticed anything of concern about his… patient care?”

Sebastian studied the man sitting across from him and closed his eyes. Sherlock knew. Molly knew. His father knew. Who else? John? Dr. Mycroft Holmes? Greg Lestrade? Did he now need to worry about heading to jail? But there was something else there behind Sherlock’s quiet gaze. The drive to solve a puzzle. He just needed more pieces. Too bad Sebastian was good at making something that looked interesting and straightforward more complex.

“No. He’s very attentive to his charges. His work is perfect. He knows  _ exactly _ what each person needs before they do. It’s almost unsettling how good he is at picking up clues like that,” Seb said. 

Sherlock took in a small gasp of air. It was not at all what he had expected. Sebastian Moran was more intelligent than Sherlock had ever thought he might be. Sherlock Holmes nodded his head.

“Thank you,” he said simply, dismissing Sebastian. Seb stood up and began to walk towards the door. He stopped and turned, looking at Sherlock. 

“For what it’s worth, Jim’s got… his own demons. I won’t deny it. Mine aren’t the most… pleasant themselves. But when it comes down to it… there wouldn’t be another person in the world that I would want in my corner when push comes to shove. He might not seem like he’s looking at the big picture. But… he really does have the greater good at heart, Sherlock,” Seb said. He stuffed his hands into his pockets again and smiled. “Give my regards to John.” 

Sebastian stepped out of Sherlock’s office where Jim stood to his left. He didn’t turn his head, but headed off to the right. “It’s the truth you know. I really wouldn’t trust anyone else with my life.” 

Jim’s mouth hung open, slightly. He watched as Sebastian walked towards the small kitchenette on the ward and disappeared through the door. After a moment of shock he recovered himself and shook his head, dispelling the last of the fog that had come over him. He turned the knob on Sherlock’s office and stepped through the door, locking it behind him. Sherlock’s head popped up from the papers he was studying on his desk and his eyes went wide.

“If you want to know something, Sherl, you just have to ask,” Jim drawled, walking past his usual chair and to the other side of Sherlock’s desk. He hopped up to settle on the edge of it and smiled. “I’ll tell you almost anything you want to know,” he said, leaning forward to drag a slender finger down Sherlock’s cheek.

“Jim….” Sherlock sighed, his voice a bit breathier than usual. Jim knew exactly where his pressure points were and just how to push them. Sherlock leaned back from Jim, his thoughts slamming back into his head and cutting off old memories that were resurfacing. “I… I just want to know… why.”

“Why?” Jim asked, a slight laugh to his tone. “Why what Sherl?” He was still being a bit playful, but it wasn’t as effective on Sherlock as it had been once upon a time.

“Tell me you have a code. Something that… justifies what you are doing.”

“Oh… I do Sherlock. I do.”

“Is it… right?” 

Jim shrugged.

“Is anything right?”

Sherlock looked at him for a moment. Jim had forgotten how much Sherlock had hated philosophy. It wasn’t something he could easily understand. “I.. look. It’s not random. It’s not… without reason. Everyone is chosen for a reason.”

“And how deep in is Sebastian?” Sherlock asked. 

“Deeper than you can dream,” Jim said, the smile on his face and the lilt in his voice giving the statement a slight sing song quality. “But… I’m not his master. No matter what he thinks.”

“You only are the master of one, Jim. And that’s you.” Jim nodded with a satisfied smirk on his face. Sherlock rubbed his face with his hands for a moment. “If… if I were to… forget it. Delete it… could we… we work together?”

“Together?” Jim asked, genuinely stunned. “How so?”

“If… if we pooled our resources. The two of you… John and I… if there was a way to make it… more… um…” Sherlock struggled for just the right word.

“More rewarding and vetted?”

“Exactly.” 

“And I’m a what.. The sword at the hand of the knight?”

“No. More like… the virus in the data,” Sherlock said, “there is always something that’s not right. And if it took me..  _ Me,  _ Jim, this long…  you can imagine that no one else will notice.”

Jim considered Sherlock’s offer for a bit. “We’ll… we’ll figure something out. I’ll be in touch.” He hopped off of Sherlock’s desk, accidentally knocking off the folder that Sherlock had been reading. He bent down to pick it up just as Sherlock panicked.

“Jim!” he said,. “stop.” It was too late. Jim held the file in his hands and he looked at the papers. The name across the top. Richard Brook Moriarty. Jim’s face was blank. White. It showed no emotions. Nothing.

“Where. Did. You. Get. This,” he asked between clenched teeth. Sherlock took the papers from Jim and settled them on the desk inside their file before closing it.

“I nicked them from Mycroft when we were… still…“ he didn’t finish the thought. “I was looking for what he missed. But I… I can’t see it. I… I keep the file locked up and every now and again… I look at it.”

Jim closed his eyes and took a deep breath. If Sherlock hadn’t known Jim as well as he did, he would be expecting Jim to explode. To scream and rant. To rave at him. But Jim was nothing if not cool under pressure. “I see,” he said. He turned on his heel, walked out of the office and off the ward.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian sat on the bench in the locker room and waited. Ten minutes passed. Then twenty. Thirty. Sebastian stood up and went  to find Jim. He couldn’t find him anywhere on the ward. He was heading back to the locker room when Sherlock walked past him.

“Dr. Holmes… have you seen Jim?”

“Jim?” Sherlock asked, astonished. He’d been in deep thought when Sebastian spoke. “No… he came into my office right after you left and he….”

“He what?” 

Sherlock swallowed. Sebastian glared at him.

“Fine… he left. After he and I… well…. Old patterns, old habits, old reactions… they all die hard slow deaths, don’t they?”

“I suppose…”

“He left my office… less than… wait… he didn’t find you?”

“No.”

Sherlock’s face blanched and he looked at Sebastian more than a bit panicked. “I… I should have thought that… I should have followed him… I’m sorry.”

“Sherlock,” Sebastian said firmly,“what the hell happened?” He looked at Sherlock and his eyes were narrowed. 

Sherlock rubbed his face with his hand and gave Sebastian a truly frazzled version of himself. He was sincerely upset about something and Sebastian grabbed his arm just above the elbow and shoved him into his office, slamming the door behind him.

“You had better start explaining,” Sebastian growled, leaning against the door so that Sherlock couldn’t escape.

Sherlock took a deep breath. “I am assuming you know about Richard,” he started. Seb nodded and Sherlock continued. “Well… Once I was discharged from rehab, I went to stay with my brother for a while. He was at work and I was bored. So I began to snoop around his office. And I found a file.” 

Sherlock walked over to his desk and picked up the file. “It’s Richard’s. Mycroft had taken it home to try and puzzle out what went wrong. He’d never admit it, but it’s one of his rare failures and it haunts him.”

“So?”

“I’m getting to it,” Sherlock hissed. “Jim came in here and we were talking. Well… Jim knows which of my buttons to push. He knows how to unnerve me. And he was doing so. Trying to get a rise out of me I suspect. When he got up, he knocked the file to the floor. I was looking at it. Not that I need to. I know it all from memory.”

“Okay… did he know you had this file?”

“No. I don’t think so.” Sherlock waved his hand in the air and went to sit at his desk. “He picked it up and he… he changed. He… I’ve seen it before. And I should have realized  what it meant.”

“What?” Seb spat out. He was getting frustrated.

“He’s gone. He’s going to go somewhere and… I’m afraid that he might end up using again,.” Sherlock sighed. He reached into his desk and pulled out his bottle of scotch and a glass. He poured himself a measure and slammed it home before pouring out another.

“Where would he go?” Seb asked quietly.

“I don’t know anymore,” Sherlock admitted, “he doesn’t share such things with me anymore. Even then… when I was still with him… he was less than willing to share. Victor.”

“Victor?” 

“Yes… I wonder….” Sherlock pulled out his phone and Sebastian ran his hand over his face. “Victor Trevor… our old dealer and Jim’s… lover after I left. He might have gone to him.”

He reached in his pocket to pull out his own phone. He hadn’t thought about checking his phone. Sure enough… there was a message from Jim, just saying “gone home”.

Sebastian looked up to see Sherlock’s fingers flying over his screen.

“I know where he is,” Seb said, running back to the locker room to grab Jim’s bag and his own. He nearly sprinted for the street, deciding that a cab was the best way to get home now and hailed one as quickly as he could. He was vibrating with worry and at the same time, he was relieved. Jim had just simply gone home.

_ \----0000--- _

Jim sat on his sofa, the room dark. He had drawn the shades and the curtains and turned off the lights. The darkness was comfortable. Mycroft had taken Richard’s file. And Sherlock had it now. He looked at it when… what? When he felt guilty? When he was upset or bored? Jim shook his head. He had no idea why Sherlock would look at it. It was simple enough to know where the mistake was made. He had seen it himself. And he didn’t want to be the one to point it out to the Holmes brothers. He never wanted to see the numbers and data again.

He curled up on the sofa, hoping that Sebastian would be home sooner rather than later. He didn’t understand why he hadn’t come yet, but he hoped that he would do so soon. Jim held his arms tightly around his knees. He knew that he was weak and this… this was going to test him fully. 

Sebastian opened the door quickly and sighed. It was dark in the small flat and he could hear Jim breathing on the sofa. He dropped their bags by the door as he toed off his shoes . Slowly and carefully he made his way across the room, sitting on the far end of the sofa. He reached out in the dark and pulled Jim against him, nearly into his lap.

“Are you more upset about that he had the file or that he hid it from you?” Seb asked. Jim sighed.

“Both, neither… I don’t know,” he said, curling up against his boyfriend, “I think it’s the fact that I didn’t expect it and it’s still something that haunts me. Especially since the two idiots can’t see where the mistake was made.” Jim rested his head on Seb’s shoulder and shut his eyes. 

Sebastian said nothing. He rubbed at Jim’s back for a while, just holding him and letting him process his emotions. Jim let out a long shaky breath after a bit. He looked up at Seb. It was, too dark to see him properly, but he still knew just where to trace his fingers over Sebastian’s square jaw. Jim stroked his skin and smiled.

“I’m weak, you know.”

“Why do you say that?” Seb asked, carefully.

“Because…. I almost didn’t come home. I have a few bolt holes still. Almost hit one of those. But… I… I had hoped you would have come…. That you…” Jim stopped speaking. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad I’m here too,” Seb admitted, “I just didn’t think to check my phone when you didn’t show up.”

Jim gave Seb a little laugh, but it died quickly. “I haven’t come this close to using in a long long time.” 

“What stopped you?” Seb asked quietly.

“You.”

“Me?” 

Jim gave a little snort. 

“No… not like that. Yeah… I guess you could say that I do love you, but… it was the idea that there was someone in my life that I… I wanted to be better for. No… not better. Just…” Jim sighed, “I don’t know.”

“I get it,” Seb said after a few minutes, “I do. I… I’m just glad you thought to come back here. I’m sorry it took me so long to get here though.”

“But you are here now. So that’s what matters.”

“Yes… yes I am. We should eat something and then… go to bed. It’s been a shite evening for both of us and I think it’s time we just take a night off.”

“A night off….” Jim whispered, “a night off from my head. That… yeah. That’s probably for the best.”

“What do you need?”

“Just you. And you are here… so….” Jim shifted a bit and gave Seb a deep kiss. “Thank you for that.”

“Where else would I be?” Seb said with a smile, pulling Jim close again in a comforting embrace. “Tell you what. You go take a shower. I’ll find us something to eat. Alright?”

“Yeah…” Jim said. He pulled away from Seb and rubbed his face with his hands. Seb stood up and reached for a low table lamp, flooding the room with a dim light. He leaned down and kissed the top of Jim’s head. “Just… nothing too heavy to eat,” Jim warned as he got up from the sofa and moved into the bedroom.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian woke up from the alarm clock, groaning as he hit the snooze button. They’d had a lazy evening, just holding each other whilst talking. Jim had spent hours telling Seb about his brother and their adventures when they were younger. Seb loved each and every story, laughing at Jim as he became animated and his eyes held a certain amount of life in them. To Sebastian that was beautiful because it was such a difference from the almost dead flat look that was normally there. He shifted out of bed, placing a small kiss on Jim’s cheek. 

“Time to get up, babe,” he said as he shuffled into the bathroom.

Jim stretched. He felt… rested. He hadn’t felt this quiet in his head in a long time. Telling Seb about Richard had helped. He felt the small ache in his cheeks from laughing and smiling. He felt lighter. He had held Richard so close to himself for so long, but now it felt better to talk about him again. And Sebastian had done that for him. 

Jim watched as Seb moved around the bathroom, humming to himself as he brushed his teeth and ran a hand through his shaggy hair. He needed a haircut, but he was too distracted to think about it. And Jim smiled. That man… the soldier who walked into his life had indeed stolen his heart. Jim closed his eyes and thought to himself.  _ “Thank you Richie. Thank you for sending him to me. I just hope that I can do for him what he’s done for me. I… I really needed him and you knew that.” _

Sebastian stood in the doorway and looked at Jim as he lay in the bed. He had a small smile on his lips and his eyes were closed. He looked… peaceful. And sexy as hell.

“No Sebby. We don’t have time,” Jim said, a smirk playing on his lips. The smile had transformed and he opened his eyes. “I don’t think Sherlock would take too kindly to us being late because we spent the morning shagging.”

“But after yesterday… he might be more… understanding.”

“Doubt it. But then again….” Jim sat up in the bed and looked at Seb as he moved around the room, getting clean clothes for work that day. He licked his lips at seeing the ripple of the smooth muscles under the skin of his back. The man was indeed walking sex and while Jim thought on some level that Sebastian knew it, he was also not fully aware of exactly how sexy he was, and how that sex appeal affected others. Jim shook his head to  dispel the thoughts that were growing in his mind and threw back the bed covers. “Sherlock’s not the same man as he was before. I truly think that’s John’s influence though.”

“Possibly. Do you know their story?” Seb asked as he watched Jim move into the bathroom.

“No. I didn’t… I didn’t want to hear it at the time. I was still… well… I was still a bit….” Jim looked in the bathroom mirror  and noticed the change in his face. “Our break up stung for a long time. There was no… closure. Not that I didn’t put much stock on it. But… now… maybe I do.”

“Oh… yes. Well, closure….” Seb pushed the drawer of the dresser shut and sat down to put his socks on. 

“You need it too.” Seb shrugged and got up to head to the kitchen.

“Coffee or tea this morning, love?” he asked, ignoring the question. Jim noticed the avoidance and sighed. 

“Coffee please.” 

_ \---0000--- _

Sherlock was surprised to see the two nurses sitting in their usual places as he began to give his morning report. He quickly schooled his face and Jim gave him a look before focusing his attention on the tabletop in front of him. Sherlock knew how weak Jim was and for some reason… that made Jim feel ashamed. Sebastian noticed the shift in Jim. He quietly pressed his leg against Jim’s under the table and Jim leaned back. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough.

“Moran, Moriarty. My office, please,” Sherlock said as the meeting broke up. Jim and Seb stilled for a moment, giving each other a passing look. The rest of the ward staff looked at them both, wondering what they had done now. It wasn’t exactly public knowledge, but the rumour mill was working full time again. There was speculation that Sherlock hated Seb because he still carried a torch for Jim. But that went against the rumour that Moran was sleeping with Sherlock. And then there were those who said that Seb and John had had an affair while in the service together. Jim found his favourite rumours to include the one where he and Molly were an item and that Sherlock and John would join them in bed from time to time, and that Moran was jealous of his former lover, being John, and his group of lovers. Seb found all rumours funny and rolled his eyes at the few questions that would occasionally find their way to someone’s lips. He and Jim had agreed that while they were working together, they weren’t going to make their relationship public. But they weren’t going to hide it either. 

Sherlock turned the knob of his office door, Seb and Jim right behind him. As he pushed the door open, he realized that the room wasn’t as empty as it should have been. Greg Lestrade was sitting on the sofa, sipping at a paper cup of coffee, while Anderson and Donovan stopped what they were doing to look up before going back to looking through papers.

“What the hell?” Sherlock yelled. Seb and Jim stepped inside  and looked around. They weren’t sure if they should stay or go.

“Ah… just following up,” Donovan said. She pointedly looked  at Seb and Jim. “You two might as well stay. We should  all have a chat. Mr. Lestrade, you can find someone to cover  for these two, yes?”

Lestrade nodded, his face twisting a bit. He didn’t like this one bit. He pulled out his phone and sent  a couple of texts, one of them to Mycroft. 

Jim and Seb moved to sit in two chairs that they pulled to the side of the room. They watched with quiet expressions, taking it all in. Sebastian was only slightly nervous, more worried about how this was going to affect Jim and Sherlock, personally and mentally. He pulled out his own phone and sent a message to John.

_ \---0000--- _

Anderson and Donovan settled into their seats. The two nurses and the doctor in front of them stared them down and Anderson shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He felt less than confident. He tugged at the collar of his shirt. Seb’s mouth turned up in a small smile that only Anderson saw.

“So… what is all this?” Seb asked after a bit, “why are you here and what do we have to do with it?” He was confident that they hadn’t done anything that would get them in trouble. He was good and there hadn’t been a murder in a while. Not since the last one that Seb had dealt with.

“You… the three of you… there is something going on in this ward and I intend to find it,.” Donovan snarled, “I want you see you three hanged.”

“And what do you think it is we have done?” Sherlock asked, “because I can’t imagine what it could be.”  He leaned back in his chair and glared at the duo.

Anderson looked down at his papers, trying not to look anyone in the eye. Greg Lestrade looked at the inspector's. “Anderson, Donovan. What did you find?” Donovan rolled her eyes.

“We were called. Given an anonymous tip. They said that we should look at Dr. Sherlock Holmes’ personal files. That there was a clue there.”

“And did you find one?” Sherlock asked. Donovan shook her head, not wanting to voice her failure.

“Why are we here?” Jim asked, speaking for the first time, “what do we have to do with this?”

“Part of the tip said that the nurses were involved. They named the both of you by name. Said you were helping to cover it up,” Donovan said, “but we can’t find anything.”

“Then we are free to go?” Seb asked, shifting his chair back. Anderson nodded and Lestrade looked at both inspectors.

“You two. My office. Now,” Lestrade boomed, his quiet voice and easy demeanour gone. Anderson and Donovan looked at him with a bit of worry on their faces. Anderson’s gaze shifted to the floor, and,hanging his head in a ashamedly when he stood, walked towards the door. Donovan did just the opposite. She kept her head up and her chin raised in a very defiant way. They left Sherlock’s office, Lestrade in their wake, his fingers on his phone. 

Jim stood up and went to Sherlock’s desk, pulling out the bottle. He opened it up and took a long pull on it. Sherlock’s mouth dropped open. He shut it quickly when Jim handed him the bottle for his turn. He took a long drink before offering it to Seb. Sebastian shook his head. Sherlock shrugged and put the bottle away.

“So,” Seb said, trying to ease some of the tension in the room, “what do we do now?”

“Now… we look at what we can do to keep this quiet. And we are more careful,” Jim said.

“More careful,” Sherlock repeated, as if he was in a dream, “I… I don’t want to know everything, you understand that right?” He looked up at Jim and then at Sebastian. 

“Sherl, I have known you a long time. There are things that you don’t want to know. And I know that. I’ve always known that. But in the end… I won’t hurt you. I won’t let anything happen to hurt you,” Jim said simply.

“Jim…” Sherlock sighed, “after all this time….” Jim shrugged.

“What can I say? Yeah… you know.” Jim looked at Sherlock and leaned towards him. He stroked his cheek before he kissed him gently. Sebastian watched and shook his head. “Don’t worry Sebby. I still love you most of all,” Jim laughed. Sherlock rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have to worry Sebastian. There is nothing left that would… I won’t steal him from you. He’s all yours. Annoying habits and all,” Sherlock said, looking at Jim.

“I’m not worried about it,” Seb said, his tone sounding very bored. “So… if we are done…”

Sherlock waved his hand. “Go on. Go home. I… I think I will too.” Seb nodded and got up from the chair he had been sitting in. 

Jim reached the door and laid his hand on the back of Seb’s arm, linking their hands together. Seb squeezed his hand once before opening the door to a mad rush of John Watson crashing through. Seb closed the door just as John and Sherlock began to embrace.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian flopped onto the sofa and rubbed his face. Jim leaned against the wall of the sitting room, looking at Seb. He wasn’t sure what was running through Sebastian’s mind and he was scared that his feelings for Sherlock, that fondness that he still had for his first love, would ruin his current relationship.

“Sebastian…” Jim said, his voice was quiet.

“I’m fine,” Seb said, a slight edge to his voice. He closed his eyes and covered them with his arm. “I… I understand it Jim. I really do. I still… have a soft spot for Oliver too. But, you know what? Doing that in front of me.... That sucked.” Jim sucked in a breath and nodded. 

“I’m sorry. I… I didn’t think about that,” he admitted, “I… I just…”

“Please don’t,” Seb said, his tone sharp, “I don’t want to hear it right now. It’s been a shite week and I want to just… I’m going to go out for a run.” Seb got off of the sofa and changed his clothes. Jim was sitting on the sofa, curled up. “I’m not… angry. I’m just… a bit hurt. Give me a bit of time. I’ll get over it.” Seb leaned down and cupped Jim’s face before giving him a light kiss. “I love you. You’re an arse, but I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jim said sadly. He knew that he had screwed up, but he didn’t know how to fix it. All he was sure of was that he needed to make it up to Sebastian. “Have a good run.”


	15. Chapter 15- Understanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone comes to their own understandings....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opps!  
> Real life got in my way and I'm going to try really hard to make sure that I keep up with my posting schedule... but if I'm late, please don't hesitate to remind me... please.

##  Chapter 15

Sebastian knew that Jim was trying. He had tried everything to be what Seb needed, but it wasn’t working. Seb hated watching Jim turn himself inside out to make up for the pain he had caused him. And then it all blew up. Sebastian finally had enough and lost it. And after hours of screaming at each other, and rough makeup sex, they seemed better. Jim went back to being himself and Sebastian felt better about it.

Sebastian wandered down the hall, just strolling back from his break. He heard something off as he rounded a corner and his feet came to a stand still. He wasn’t sure what he’d heard, but he listened for a moment. It sounded as if someone was having problems breathing. He listened for a second and turned the corner. 

His feet stopped as he came upon the sight that would be burned into his brain forever. His jaw dropped open and he felt as if his heart stopped. All he could see was the back of the ginger head that he had come to know as that of Mycroft Holmes. And he was wrapped in an embrace with… someone. Someone male. Seb’s jaw shut with a click and he rushed past the couple, saying nothing, but noticing a small flash of fine silver hair. Lestrade. Mycroft and Lestrade… snogging in a dark corridor.

Sebastian reached the ward in record time, finding Jim and grabbing him by the arm. He dragged him into the locker room, a smile on his face.

“What would you do if I told you I just saw something that would give you leverage over Dr. Mycroft ‘I am Perfect’ Holmes?” Seb asked Jim.

“I would… well… I would let you do that thing you’ve been wanting to do in bed that I keep telling you no about.”  Seb’s eyes lit up as he considered it. 

“Oh… well… that’s… wow.” Seb was stunned. It wasn’t the reaction that he’d expected. He shook his head and smiled. “I just caught him in that lovely dark spot in the corridor.”

“Oh? What was he doing?” Jim asked, intrigued.

“He was… doing Greg Lestrade.”

“Excuse me?”

“He was doing Greg,” Seb said simply. “I saw things… I just…” He pulled a face and Jim began to laugh.

“Oh darling… that’s…. Just…” He pulled him into a deep kiss. “It’s not my birthday or Christmas. But you’ve given me a gift…” He kissed him again and laughed as he went out to tend to his patients.

_ \---0000--- _

Jim sent Sebastian one simple text message. “I’ll be home later. Be ready for me. ;)” Seb shook his head and went back to his own flat. There was very little left there, and he thought that he would take a bit of time to finish packing up his things. He wasn’t quite ready to tell Jim that he would indeed move in with him, but he would. Soon.

Jim walked into Mycroft Holmes’ office without knocking. He sat himself down in one of the leather chairs across from his desk and smiled. It was a grin that most people found disturbing and Mycroft only gave it a passing glance.

“Is there something you needed?” Mycroft asked, turning his attention back to the chart he was studying.

“I was just wondering about something. At what point do you think that your love for someone trumps your ability to be objective?” Jim asked, placing his hands behind his head. “Because I think that all rational behaviour leaves the moment you decide that someone else is worth more than your own life. And it doesn’t matter if it’s platonic love, sexual love or even brotherly love.”

Mycroft looked at Jim for a moment and narrowed his beady eyes. “I don’t understand what you are driving at, Mr. Moriarty.”

“Ah… now Mycroft, we were almost family once. Jim is good enough for me,” he said with a bit of a laugh in his voice. “Because as I see it, Greg Lestrade did something for you. Because you asked him to. To cover Sherlock’s… indiscretions. And well… Sherlock’s been covering for me and Sebastian, now hasn’t he. But that doesn’t matter. Because it’s not worth investigating.” Mycroft said nothing. Jim smiled, knowing that his silence was in fact confirmation of the truth of his assumptions. “What I am curious about are two things.”

“And what would those be?” Mycroft asked, trying to figure out how to gain the upper hand again. Jim shook his head.

“Well… firstly, I would just  _ love _ to know what Lestrade said to Donovan and Anderson in his office. I am sure you know. I am sure that you were the one that Greggy-poo was texting at a furious rate while we were all sitting in Sherlock’s office.”

“I can not speak about conversations that I was not present for,” Mycroft said with what he hoped was an air of finality. Jim nodded. 

“I understand. But you can speak about what Greg told you happened when you were in bed with him that night,” Jim said. He watched as Mycroft's jaw tightened just a bit. His tell. Jim’s smile grew again and Mycroft blinked. “I thought so. And we all know who really runs this hospital. Greg Lestrade might be… a good man, but he’s shite at running anything other than a charity event. Dr. Mycroft Holmes truly runs St. Bart’s.”

“I am only a simple doctor,” Mycroft said. It was his usual line.

“Of course you are,” Jim said condescendingly., “but no one really believes that,you know.” Jim twisted his head in a movement that he had been told reminded people of a reptile. “Now… my other curiosity happens to be, how long you and dear Greg have indeed been shagging. My guess is nearly six years. Just a year or so before he became the administrator of this fine institution.”

“My personal life has nothing to do with my professional one,” Mycroft said firmly.

“Right. Of course. How silly of me. Personal and professional never mix.” Jim rolled his eyes. “Which is why my boyfriend caught the two of you nearly shagging in a corridor earlier today.” Mycroft’s usually pale face flushed pink and Jim knew that he had finally won.

“What do you want Jim?” Mycroft asked, his voice tinged with venom.

“I want you to… leave me alone,” Jim said after a moment of thought, “I don’t want to worry about story time on the ward. I don’t want you looking over my or Sebastian’s shoulders. I… I want you to let your brother live his life.”

“That’s all? Would you like a pay raise while we’re at it?”  Mycroft drawled.

“No. I’m paid sufficiently for what I do,” Jim said, “do we have a deal or do I need to speak to the trustees about looking into how Mr. Lestrade got his job?” Mycroft swallowed and looked Jim in the eyes. Jim didn’t blink  and that alone was unnerving. But Mycroft saw the weight of Jim’s threat under the surface. The seriousness and the fact that Jim wouldn’t back down. He gave Jim one single short nod. And that was enough for him.

“Good. Well, then… I need to get home. I have something…. A promise to fulfill,” Jim said with a smirk. “Ciao!”

_ \---0000--- _

Jim entered the flat and felt… lighter. More at ease with himself than he had in a long time. He had bested Mycroft Holmes. He just hoped that the man understood that Jim would indeed carry out his threat if he felt he or anyone else was threatened again by the doctor. He noticed that Sebastian wasn’t at his flat and pulled out his phone to text him.

[Jim] Where are you my darling?

[Seb] At mine. I came to get a few things. Lost track of time. I’ll be there shortly. I’ve got dinner.

[Jim] Oh? What are you bringing home? 

Jim smiled. When had he become so domestic, he wondered. He shrugged and went into the bedroom to strip out of his scrubs and take a shower. He didn’t see Seb’s text until he was done and drying off.

[Seb] Indian. Felt like celebrating a bit. Today was a good day.

[Jim] That it was. And tonight will indeed be a celebration. Hurry love. I miss you.

Seb heard his phone ping with a response to his last text as he entered the lift. He looked at it and smiled. He was going home. To Jim. It was perfect. And Jim was the reason.

Sebastian opened the door to the flat and walked in, locking it behind him before kicking off his work trainers at the door.

“Was this fast enough for you?” he called out. Jim emerged from the bedroom and Seb’s eyes widened at the sight of Jim in only his boxers. It was a sexy sight indeed and Seb licked his lips.

“Yes… it was. Now. Put down the food, come here and kiss me hello. And… get in the shower. I can’t wait to get my hands on your body,” Jim said. Seb barked out a laugh.

“Eager then?” he said, closing the distance between them. He took Jim in his arms, looking him in the eyes for a moment before kissing him deeply. “I love you.”

“And I love you as well,” Jim said. He carded his fingers through the short hairs at the back of Seb’s neck and raked his nails lightly over the skin there. It sent a shiver down Seb’s spine. Seb’s hands found their way down to Jim’s cotton covered arse. He squeezed slightly as he pressed their bodies together and let Jim feel exactly what he did to him. Jim smiled and kissed him once more, pulling on his hair as he did.

“Mm. I guess I need to…” Seb said.

“Shower, Bastian,” Jim said firmly. “Then… then we will play.” Seb laughed but let go of Jim, heading to the shower to clean up.

_ \---0000--- _

Morning report was boring. Jim tried not to yawn, tried not to show any disrespect to Sherlock. But it was hard. No interesting patients. Just run of the mill events.

Sherlock could almost sense when it had gotten to be too much for Jim and he rolled his eyes. “Moriarty, Moran. I have a new admission coming this afternoon. This one is special. You will both be needed for his care. And I suspect you will both want to give him extra attention to meet his needs,” Sherlock said. Seb’s head whipped up to look at Sherlock. He wasn’t sure what he meant, but Jim’s face broke into a small smile. Sherlock was giving them someone to play with.

“Do we have a good history to work with?” Jim asked. Sherlock rolled his eyes and nodded. 

“Of course. Perfectly complete and validated,” Sherlock said. Jim nodded. 

“You have a file for me then?”

“No. I’ll explain after they are admitted,” Sherlock said, shutting down the line of inquiry. He didn’t want the rest of the staff to think that Jim or Sebastian had any influence over him. Seb nodded and put his hand on Jim’s arm as he tried to speak again.

“Understood, Dr. Holmes,.” Seb said, “please let us know when they get here.” He stood up and reached for Jim’s hand. He was feeling bold and didn’t care what the rest of the staff thought about their relationship anymore. He was happily in love and he wanted to shout it from the rooftops.

Jim rolled his eyes and stood up, taking Seb’s hand in his. They walked out to the desk, letting go of each other and Jim sighed as he perched on top of the desk. “Really love. You need to stop allowing Sherlock to have the upper hand.”

“Jim… come on. It’s respect. He’s gift wrapped something for us to play with. But there is no need to be… well the rest don’t need to know about it,” Seb said, tapping the keys on his computer terminal. 

Jim huffed and hopped down from the desk. He cupped Sebastian’s chin and turned his head towards him. He leaned in and whispered in his ear. “Just remember who fucks you so well and  who you belong to.”

“How could I ever forget? Especially when I’ve got two new stitches in my back to remind me,” Seb answered with a smile. He leaned up to kiss Jim and bit his bottom lip. Another nurse nearby cleared their throat and Jim laughed as he pulled away. 

“I’ve got patients to attend too,” Jim said casually as he walked away, swaying his hips just a bit as Seb watched him. Sebastian shook his head and went back to his work.

_ \---0000--- _

Dr. Sherlock Holmes walked into the patient room, Jim and Seb following close behind him. He looked over the vitals that were taken by the transport team and handed the clipboard to Jim. He had slipped a file there from under the pile of papers from the stack in his hand. Jim nodded at Sherlock and watched as Sherlock examined the patient. Sherlock, too,nodded as he left the room, leaving Jim and Seb alone with the patient. 

Seb crossed the room and locked the door, drawing the curtain around the bed as he returned.

“So… let’s see what we have here,” Jim said, taking a seat in the chair next to the patient’s bed. Seb leaned against the wall as Jim opened the file. “Ah… look at this Sebby. Sherlock’s done our work for us. Serial wife abuser. Changed his name… twice. And oh… this is good. Life long drug user. Now… seeking treatment for prostate cancer. Can’t get it up now, can you?” Jim said with an evil glint in his eye. Seb took the file from Jim as he handed it to him. 

“What the fuck are you on about?” the patient asked, his voice betraying him. 

“Oh, really now,” Seb said, “playing innocent. That’s not good. You are going to die anyway. Might as well face it.”

“Fuck you,” the patient spat. Jim began to laugh.

“Sorry darling. That’s my job.”

“What… you two a couple of poofters?”

“And what if we are?” Seb asked, his sharklike grin gracing his face. “Would that… offend your delicate sensibilities?”

“Fucking homos.” he said. Jim’s face changed and he tilted his head in the very lizard like way of his when he was studying something.

“Well… now you are most definitely going to die. I’m just not sure when. You won’t expect it. But… it most certainly will happen.” Jim reached out and patted his cheek. “Now… Sebby darling… I believe that the good doctor left us some medication orders.”

Seb flipped through the chart. “Ah… yes my love. He did. Good ones too. Does he look agitated or anxious to you?”

“He does. Yes… I believe he does.” Jim put on gloves and pulled a needleless syringe from his pocket and attached it to the IV line, slowly pushing something in before taking out a second, repeating it with a full syringe and reattaching the first. The patient’s eyes fluttered a bit before he closed them. “Ah… look at him. Sleeping like a baby. Too bad when he wakes up he won’t be able to move or speak.”

“Yes… too bad,” Seb said. He gloved up as well and reached out his hand for the syringes to put them into his own pocket. He would dispose of them later in another room. “So… a day or two? Maybe a small heart attack from a blood clot? Too much blood thinner?”

“Not bad. Can’t use the insulin trick for a while. Hmm… either that or a bubble.”

“Oh… that’s a good one too,” Seb said,“but painful from what I understand. So maybe save it.”

Jim leaned against the wall. “Either way… this… this is interesting.”

“What’s that?” Seb asked, marking a few things on the patient’s chart before putting it down.

“Sherlock. Gift wrapping us a well documented present. I didn’t expect it. Not complaining… just… didn’t expect it.”

“Neither did I, to be honest. But it’s… good. Might be a good solution then.”

“Might just,” Jim said off handedly. He pushed off of the wall and kissed Seb quickly as he went to the door. He unlocked it quietly and went out to the desk. He needed to enter the basics in the chart before the end of their shift. And he was tired. “Shall we pick up takeaway on our way home later? I’m not much for cooking tonight.”

“Sounds perfect to me,” Seb said. “I do need to do some shopping tomorrow. We don’t have much in. And I’m off tomorrow. So I have all day to do so. Plus I need to run to mine and pick up the mail.”

Jim turned in his seat and looked at Seb. Something had shifted between them at work recently and they were no longer keeping things… just professional. “Seb… are you ever going to answer me about moving in together?” Seb knew Jim well enough to see the hurt in his eyes and the pain on his face that he was trying to hide.

“Soon Jim. I promise, soon I’ll give you an answer.” He leaned over to give Jim a gentle kiss. “I’m going to run to the lab. I’ll be back up before the end of shift.” 

Sebastian patted his pocket, wanting to take a moment to stop and see Molly. He thought that disposing of the syringes in the central room where all the sharps went was the perfect place. They were picked up by the destruction company weekly and there was bound to be a pick up within a few days. He made sure to be seen on camera for most of the walk, whistling and his hands loose and comfortable at his sides. He kept a smile on his face but he knew that Jim hated not knowing what he wanted to do. But it was a bigger decision than he had ever made before. And if he was honest… it scared him.

Jim finished his charting and walked to Sherlock’s office, knocking on the door once. He waited for Sherlock’s voice before entering. He sat in his usual spot, but he didn’t put his feet up on the desk as per usual. Instead, he rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands.

“Am I horrible to live with?”

“Excuse me?” Sherlock asked. He looked up at Jim and put down his pen. Something was… off with the man he used to care about.  _ “No” _ Sherlock corrected in his head.  _ “I still care about him. I used to love him.” _ “Jim… what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing.” Sherlock watched Jim for a moment and nodded his head.

“You asked him to move in with you and either he’s said no or he’s not given you an answer.”

“He won’t answer me.”

“It’s a big step for someone who’s been in his own apartment for the first time since uni. He’s essentially lived with others for decades.”

“Huh,” Jim said. He hadn’t ever considered that. Seb went from uni to the army and privacy was rare there. “I… I never thought about that.”

“I know,” Sherlock said simply, “you love him, don’t you.” Jim could only nod. “That’s good. You… you should have someone in your life…”

“I had someone once,” Jim said, “but… I fucked that up, didn’t I.”

“No.  _ You  _ didn’t. Mycroft did.” Jim’s face whipped up to look at Sherlock. “Yes. It’s his fault.”

“I…” Jim didn’t know what to say. “Sherlock… are you happy with John?”

“I am,” he said after a few moments, “it’s not something I think about. But we… complement each other in ways that you and I didn’t. I never thought that I would… find someone to fit that space.”

“Neither did I,” Jim admitted, “we were both trying to fit the other in the wrong space. But… you deserve to be happy too.”

Sherlock said nothing for a bit, just nodding. “Give him time. He’ll come around. He loves you too.”

Jim smiled at his former lover and got up from the chair, leaving the office without another word.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian carried the bags into the kitchen at Jim’s flat and put them on the counter. He had been to the market, done the laundry and picked up his mail. All in all, a productive day. He and Jim had spent a quiet night in, take away, crap tellie and not much conversation. But it was comfortable. Seb loved that he and Jim could be together, each lost in their own thoughts, but still able to just… be.

He put the food he had purchased away in the kitchen, leaving out a nice bit of salmon to cook up for dinner that evening. He was just about to sit down at the dining room table to go through his mail when his phone pinged with a text. Figuring it was Jim, he picked it up with a smile. But his screen showed the name of John Watson.

[John] You need to come down to the A&E.

[Seb] Why? What's wrong?

[John] Your father is here. It seems he just had a heart attack. You’re still listed as next of kin. We are admitting him.

[Seb] Fine. Twenty minutes.

Seb looked at his mobile, trying to decide if he should tell Jim or not. But he couldn’t decide. It wasn’t like Jim would sit at his father’s bedside with him. But then again, Seb wasn’t sure he would sit there, either. 

Seb rose from the chair and grabbed his jacket as well as his keys. He dialed Jim’s number with his thumb as he locked the door behind him.

“Hey… you alright? You never call,” Jim said as he picked up. Sebastian could tell from the background noises that Jim was in a patient room and Seb laughed at how unprofessional he was being. But then again, he sniffled and realized how good it was to hear Jim’s voice.

“John just texted me. My father’s at A&E. He’s being admitted after a heart attack,” Seb said. He wiped his eyes as he reached the street and hailed a cab. He climbed in as he listened to Jim walk out of the patient’s room. The dull beeping of the machines faded away and then he heard Sherlock’s voice and a door that shut. Jim had gone to Sherlock’s office for… privacy? Comfort? Advice? Seb wasn’t sure and he was getting tired of it.

“What do you need?” Jim asked finally. He was soft and soothing. And Seb couldn’t help the image of Jim seeking support and strength in Sherlock’s long arms.

“Nothing. I’m headed over now. I’ll… I’ll talk to you later,” he said, his voice sharp before he  ended the call.

Jim looked at his phone and then at Sherlock. He had decided that he needed a bit of privacy but the mobile reception in the locker room was often bad. So he had gone to Sherlock’s office.

“What was that all about?” Sherlock asked, his left eyebrow raised and an amused expression on his face.

“Seb. His… Dr. Moran is in A&E. John contacted him to tell him. He’s had a heart attack and Sebs on his way.” Sherlock looked at Jim and hit a few keys on his keyboard. He read the file and nodded. 

“I’ll admit him to my care. He was supposed to check in next week for a procedure. But it seems we might not be able to do it after all. I’ll head down and take a look,” Sherlock said, rising. “Call Lestrade and see about someone to cover for the both of you for a few days.” He stopped and put his hand on Jim’s shoulder. “You know this isn’t going to be easy for him. No matter what, right? It’s… it’s never easy to see a parent die.” 

_ \---0000--- _

Sherlock Holmes was coming out of the private room in the A&E when Sebastian arrived. Seb glared daggers at him as he passed and Sherlock stopped him with a strong hand on his biceps. “Sebastian…”

“Fuck off,” Seb said.

“No. Listen to me you… prick. Whatever this is… get over it. Your father… he’s not well. The dementia has progressed since I saw him last. Not only has he had a mild heart attack, but I suspect he’s had several small strokes. He’s… done. So I will admit him to the ward.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. “Do whatever you want to do. Just… leave me alone.” Sherlock’s grip tightened on his arm and Seb shifted. Sherlock took a quick look around and dragged Seb over to an empty OR. There were still various bits and puddles of blood on the floor from the last patient who had just been in there. But for now it was empty.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Sherlock snarled. “If this is about your father… fine. I can understand that. But what the hell is your problem with me? And… Jim?”

“Fuck. You,” Seb said.

“Ah,” Sherlock said. He nodded. “If you think for one moment that Jim and I… that anything is going on between us, you are more stupid than I ever thought you could be.” Sebastian’s hand cracked with the force of the pressure he was using to make his fist. “He’s a mess Seb. He’s in love. Truly in love for the first time in his life. Even when he and I were… he  _ never _ looked at me the way he looks at you. He’s tearing himself apart because he’s unsure why you won’t answer him about your… living arrangements. He thinks he’s done something wrong.”

Sebastian watched Sherlock carefully and his fist relaxed some. “This is between him and me. You… shouldn’t be involved.”

“No. I shouldn't and I’m not. But I am his… friend. And he came to me for advice.”

“Right.”

“Ask him yourself,” Sherlock said. He nodded to the window as Jim walked past and over to where Dr. Moran was. Seb closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Go talk to Jim. See your father. And tomorrow… we’ll see what happens.”

Sebastian nodded his head once and threw the door open. He didn’t stomp over to his father’s bedside, but it was a near thing. Jim was leaning against the wall in the room and his father was lying in the bed. He looked small. Very small engulfed in all the tubes and wires. And for a brief moment, Sebastian saw nothing but the man he had once idolized and cried over when he hadn’t been there to be a normal father.

“He’s asleep. John said they put him a drug induced coma to take the workload off his heart,” Jim said. Seb nodded. He looked at his father and closed the gap, picking up his hand. He stared at it and ran his fingers over it. This was the hand of a man that had demanded respect in the medical world. Who had surgically repaired men and women. Who had done countless things. And now… it belonged to a dying man.

Seb dropped it carefully down on the sheet and turned to Jim. “We need to talk,” he said simply. He went in search of John, knowing that Jim was following him.

“You alright?” John asked as he leaned against the desk. Sherlock was finishing his orders for Dr. Moran’s admission and looked between Jim and Seb. Jim gave Sherlock a small shake of his head and Sherlock went back to his work.

“I don’t fucking know,” Seb admitted. “Text me when he’s settled on the ward. Please.” John nodded and Seb looked at Jim. “I need a drink.”

“Alright. Let’s go to the pub then.” Seb nodded and headed out to the street, finding his cigarettes and lighting up.

Seb and Jim walked shoulder to shoulder, not touching. It was a silent walk for the block that stretched between St. Bart’s and the pub. Seb opened the door to the bar and walked in, finding a table in the back and ordering two fingers of whiskey. Jim decided to stick to soda, not sure if he needed his wits or not.

“So?” Seb said. “Anything you want to tell me?”

“Seb…” Jim sighed,“if you… you think that I… Sherlock and I….” Seb slammed his hand on the table, a rare burst of his temper slipping out. He’d never directed it at Jim before in this way and Jim had jumped. Just a bit.

“Don’t fuck with me right now,” Seb said, knocking back his drink and ordering another. Jim licked his lips and nodded. Seb sipped at the second drink slower. He looked at the table and ran his fingers over the edge of the glass. “I half wish I hadn’t come back.”

“Seb…”

“No. Let me just… get it out. I… I never want you to see him again. Ever.”


	16. Chapter 16- X's and O's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seb has a long talk with his father... and there are some x's and o's....

##  Chapter 16

“Are you out of your bloody head?” Jim asked, his mouth hanging open in shock, “that’s impossible. We work together.”

“I know,” Seb said, sighing,“that’s why this is hard for me. I… I know you won’t give up your job. I would never ask you to. You are too good at it.”

“Oh.”

“I… I just hate that you… you have an ex. Someone that you slept with. Whom you loved once. That you… you turn to for advice and for… comfort.”

“Never comfort,” Jim said quietly, “advice… yeah. I have. I do.” He swallowed, a slight heat rising in his cheeks. “I… I never thought how my friendship with Sherlock would affect you. I’m sorry for that.”

Seb waved his hand a bit in Jim’s direction, careful not to spill his drink. He took another sip. “See, the thing is… other than Watson.. There is no one in my life that isn’t… yours first. If… something happened between us… I’ve got nothing.” Seb took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “The last time I committed myself to someone I loved… it ended badly. Nearly ended me too. And now… with father… I literally would have no one to turn to. And that scares the shit out of me,” Seb admitted. Jim nodded his head and said nothing. He felt terrible. His guilt sat like a rock in the bottom of his stomach. “I… I just… I want to say the words Jim. But… I don’t know how anymore. I… I was going to talk to you about it tonight. Make us dinner. Sit down with you and talk it out. But then… I call you for… well… comfort I suppose and you run off to Sherlock’s office. And how do you think that made me feel?”

“I… I’ve never considered it before to be honest,” Jim said quietly, “I… I just wanted privacy. And the mobile reception in his office is… decent.” Seb nodded. “So… I… he’s been.. Helpful. He’s one of the few reasons I haven’t run away. I… I’ve never let myself get this close… this open to anyone since…. He left me.”

“And now?” Seb asked, “And now you… you what Jim?”

“Seb… it’s you. It’s you I love and I adore. It’s you I want to be with. I… I’ve asked you to move in because coming home and you not being there… it’s empty. I like hearing you hum as you cook. Or… finding your coat on the rack. Your snores and the way you talk in your sleep. The way you scratch at your belly when you get up in the morning and walk to the toilet. Or your scent on our bed….” Jim bit his bottom lip and dragged his teeth across it. “I’ve never felt as right as I do when you are around. I… I can think clearly and I… I just know that if you weren’t there…”

Seb looked at Jim and nodded. “I… I know,” he said simply, “I’m going to sit with father tonight. Just… be there for a bit. I… I need to talk to him some. And… then you and I… tomorrow we will talk more.”

“Okay. Lestrade has given us both a few days to… deal with this.” Seb nodded. He stood up and dropped a few bills on the table. He started to walk towards the door and came back, to give Jim a simple chaste kiss. He stroked Jim’s cheek bone with his thumb, smiling at the feeling of the slight stubble under his touch. 

“I love you.”

“I love you as well.”

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian pushed the medication into the IV and waited. He knew too much and his father would end up doing further damage  to his heart.  He waited and watched. He could see the changes in the man, the subtle differences that Seb knew would be there.

It was late at night. Most of the hospital staff was down to minimum levels and Seb was okay with that. It was acceptable to him. He waited just a touch longer before reaching out and picking up his father’s hand once more. He turned it over in his own, looking at the differences in their fingers.

“Your hands were always too big to be a surgeon’s.” Dr. Moran said, his voice thick with sleep and disuse, “but then again, it’s all robots now.”

“It is,” Seb agreed,“but I… I’ve done pretty well for myself.”

“You did do… alright in the army.” Dr. Moran conceded,“but then again… there wasn’t much you had to think about a lot. It wasn’t as if you had to specialize. Patch up and send back to Sandhurst. Quick in and quick out.” Seb shook his head and took a deep breath. This wasn’t a new conversation. His father viewed military medicine as something akin to shoving all the important things back in and shipping the body home. If it made it… good. If not… oh well. But Seb knew better.

“Father… did I ever tell you about the time that I had to perform surgery for the doctor while he was working on another patient? About the aortic valve repair that I did, while being bombed out to Valhalla?”

“Yes,” Dr. Moran drawled, “you’ve told me that one several times. It begs me to decide if I believe it to be true or not.” Seb dropped his father’s hand on the bed and sat down in the chair he had pulled close so they could talk.

“Now… tell me something….” Seb started, “you haven’t been feeling well, and you’ve been scheduled for an appointment with Sherlock to be admitted for weeks now. What has been so important that you’ve decided not to wait any longer?” There had been a silence for a few moments before Dr. Moran spoke. Seb had wondered if he had fallen back to sleep.

“Irene didn’t think that Sherlock could help. That performing the surgery was too risky and that… if it was a failure, it would mean the end of my career.”

“Irene,” Seb said quietly. The one name he’d hoped to never hear again. The woman who had taken control of his father’s life and medical career in one move of her manicured hand. “And where is Irene now?”

“She is in Geneva. At a conference for the WHO. It was foolish of me to try and see patients today.”

“Yes. Of course it was,” Seb said. He was nearly seething with desire to find the harpy and make sure she never breathed again. But his kept his anger hidden under carefully cultivated layers of indifference and cockiness.

“You… distrust her,” his father said. Seb looked his father in the eyes for the first time since coming in and quickly  raised one eyebrow in answer. “I don’t understand it. She’s a brilliant doctor. The two of you could have made a handsome pair.”

“A pair of what, exactly, father?” Seb asked. He knew what his father was referring to. Irene and Sebastian. Doctors taking over his practice. Married. Providing him with a new generation of Moran children to terrorize and control. Well groomed and handsome puppets.

“Really Sebastian. We need to do this now?” Dr Moran asked, rolling his eyes, “you know the answers already .You know… the regrets I have.”

“Regrets.” Seb rubbed at his face before leaning closer to his father. “Regrets or plans that went awry?” 

“Sebastian.” Dr. Moran sighed. He was already getting tired of this conversation. “What is it you wanted to know? You wouldn’t have brought me out of a drug induced coma if you wanted a bonding moment.”

Sebastian looked at his father for a few moments, trying to figure out just what he wanted. He didn’t know. It really was an impulse. But then again… it wasn’t. “Did you report us?”

“Report you?” Dr. Moran asked, seemingly confused, “why would I report you? You are just a minor in the eyes of the law, Sebastian. You can’t be reported. I’ll lose my medical license. My practice. Everything your mother and I worked so hard to build.” 

Sebastian frowned in confusion. “Dad… tell me how old I’ll be on my next birthday.”

“Seriously Sebastian. What the hell are they teaching you at that bloody school I pay so much for you to go to?” Dr. Moran sighed. “Thirteen. Thirteen and stupid.” Seb nodded. “You shouldn’t have shot the dog.”

“He needed to be put down. And she wasn’t going to allow it to happen,” Seb said. He knew his father was referring to an event from Seb’s past. He had killed the neighbour’s dog. It had been sick for a long time and no one would put it down. Seb had felt for the beast. He shook his head. Of course he fell into the whole idea of helping people cross over.

“I know you are a good boy, Sebastian. You’ve always been a good boy. Always taking your punishments like a man.” Dr. Moran stopped talking to cough. And shortly after he fell into an irregular breathing pattern. Seb offered him a bit of water, keeping his eye on the heart monitor. “Virginia… please turn of the alarm. I’m not feeling well enough to go to the course today,” Dr. Moran said. Seb silenced the heart monitor, tears falling at the mention of his mother’s name. “Thank you dearest,” Dr. Moran said weakly, “remind me to check on Sebastian later. Shouldn’t keep him in the cellar too long. But the boy needs to know his place.”

Sebastian’s head snapped up. He had spent three days in the cellar. No light. Only occasional water and porridge. He had wet and soiled himself. He was eight. And it wasn’t his fault that he had disturbed his father’s party with a nightmare. “Can’t have the boy running around wild now, can we. He’s too soft. And he’ll end up growing up a poofter if I don’t set him straight.”

Seb held the syringe he’d brought loosely in his hand. “What’s so wrong about the boy?” he asked, keeping his voice soft and light. 

“He’s terrible. I caught him and that Johnson kid from down the block… out behind the stables last week. They were kissing and stroking themselves. It’s disgusting.” Seb smiled. His first. Bennie Johnson. He remembered him well. He had no idea his father saw him. But it did explain his father’s cruel punishment afterwards. He’d been fifteen and the resulting beating for what Seb thought was the minor infraction of getting caught drunk was harsher than it should have been. It took twenty stitches to sew his back closed again. “He’s gay. And we need to beat it out of him. Fucking disrespectful bastard.”

“Yes father… I am gay,” Seb said as he gently pushed the medication into the IV port. “And I am in love. In the morning… I am going to find my boyfriend, and take him into bed and let him fuck me.” Seb pulled the plastic unit off of the line and sighed. He knew that his father was gone and he was… sad. He was sad because no matter what happened now, he had lost both his parents. 

Sebastian spent the rest of the night at his father’s bedside, mourning his loss.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian heard the morning noises that he was more than familiar with. He stretched in his chair, his back stiff from sitting so long. But the night had given him time to think and he knew what he needed to do.

Seb walked down the corridor and knocked on Sherlock’s office door. If nothing else he owed the man an apology. Plus… he needed to discuss his father’s care. But as he turned the knob to open the door, he realized that Sherlock wasn’t alone.

“Oh, excuse me,” Seb said, moving to close the door. But the sleek black hair caught him off guard. It wasn’t until the head in the chair across from Sherlock turned that he realized that it was too late. His worst nightmare was sitting across from him.

“Sebastian! My dear! Do come in!” Irene cooed at him. Irene Adler. His father’s protég’r and the constant thorn in Sebastian’s side.

“Irene,” Seb said,“I need to go. Dr. Holmes, if I may see you later?”

“No… don’t go,” Irene purred. She turned in her chair to get a better look at Sebastian “it’s been ages. Come in and sit down. We were just talking about Augustus.”

Seb’s face must have betrayed him when Sherlock snorted from the other side of the desk. Sebastian came further into the office and stood his ground. Solid and firm. He had left the door open.

Irene stood up and came closer to Sebastian. She was still as elegant as the last time he had seen her. Her raven hair was twisted up in a complicated knot and her lips lined in blood red. Her dress was tight enough to leave nothing to the imagination but it gave nothing away, either. She smiled and Seb felt as if he had stepped into a shark tank.

“What could your interest  in my father’s case be?” Seb asked. Irene just continued to grin at him.

“Oh, darling. I am his doctor after all,” she cooed, “why wouldn’t I be here?” Seb rolled his eyes and then he saw it. The pear shaped diamond on her left hand. And it all fell together.

“Irene…” Seb said. She closed the last bit of distance between them and stroked his cheek with her blood red nail. 

“Sebby…” she said with a purr, “my perfect Sebby. It’s been too long.”

_ \---0000--- _

Jim had spent the night in his flat, pacing around for a while, then finally curling up in his bed, alone and empty. He realized how much of a fool he had been. How he hadn’t ever looked at how his behaviour and actions looked to others. Even if they were not intentional. But now… he could very well lose Sebastian because of it. And he didn’t know what to do about it. After a few hours of tossing and turning, he finally got up, dressing and grabbing Seb a change of clothes. He figured he had spent the night with his father and was more than likely craving a shower and clean things. 

Jim entered the front doors of St. Bart’s, feeling like he could make a real difference for his boyfriend. For the man that he loved. And he was going to tell him that if he needed time… he would wait. He didn’t want to lose Sebastian. He didn’t want to push him. He just wanted him to be happy.

Sebastian wasn’t in his father’s room and Jim went to put his bag in the locker room and see if Seb was on the roof when he walked past Sherlock’s office. The door was open and Seb was staring at the red nails that were currently resting on his chest. The woman shaped dragon that they were attached to was looking at Sebastian as if he was something to eat. Her lips matched her nails and her grin was practically feral. 

Jim stepped into the office as Sebastian began to speak to her, his words clear and loud enough for Jim to hear.

“Really Irene? He’s old enough to be your father. He’s your mentor. And now… your husband?”

“Well, you ran off. You decided that married life wasn’t for you. Besides, you signed the divorce papers. So… I was single again,” Irene said.  Jim’s mouth fell open and he gasped. Sherlock’s eyes grew wide. Even he hadn’t seen this coming. Seb’s head turned towards Jim and his face fell. “Oh… and who is this?” Irene said playfully,. “would this be the man who is taking my ex-husband to bed?”


	17. Chapter 17- All's Well That... ends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything gets mostly tied up neatly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... Happy Thanksgiving! In America at least. So I thought we might like an early update.
> 
> This is the last formal chapter. And I hope it ties everything up neatly. Thank you all for sticking with me so long.  
> I need to thank Hibernia1 again for all her wonderful help on this as well as my Jim... Little Red Hot Riding Hood. You are both such a blessing!
> 
> There is an epilogue after this so, we are just going to ride out their story a bit longer! But it has a happy ending. Promise.

##  Chapter 17

“Jim….” Seb breathed out. He stepped towards Jim as Jim took a step backwards.

“No.” 

“Please….” Seb moved towards Jim some more and Irene grabbed for his arm, capturing his wrist. “Please don’t…” Jim dropped the bag at Seb’s feet. He looked at everyone in the room and turned on his heel. Sherlock looked at them both and shook his head. 

“Go. Sebastian… just go. Leave her to me,” Sherlock offered. Seb nodded and left his bag behind, running after Jim.

“Jim! Please… wait!” he yelled. Jim stopped and Seb caught up to him. He grabbed Jim’s wrist and dragged him up to the roof of St. Bart’s. The sky was overcast and grey as they came out of the small door. Seb let go of Jim. “Give me chance… to explain.”

“You have two minutes,” Jim said, coolly. Seb looked into his deep brown eyes and nodded. He knew the expression Jim wore and it wasn’t a good one.

“Irene is… or rather was my father’s protégé. He wanted us to get married and have kids… to be his puppets. Turning us into the most fantastic medical couple that he could make. But… it was a mistake.”

“Really.”

“Jim… please. We got married when we were young. Still in uni. She needed to be married to… stay in the country. She’s not British. She’s… it’s complicated. But she wasn’t legal. So I did marry her. To help her stay. We were friends once. Never lovers. Just… friends.”

“I’m supposed to believe that?”

“Yes,” Seb chuckled, darkly. “Because apart from everything else Irene isn’t… she’s not straight either.”

“Excuse me?” 

“Yeah. She’s been in a relationship with someone for a long time. I’ve never found out who. And to be honest… that’s why we finally divorced. Irene said she wanted to ask her to marry her.” Seb shook his head. “But obviously that didn’t work out. She ended up marrying my… father…” Seb’s voice trailed off. He raised his fingers to his lips in thought. “I wonder….”

“What?” Jim said, tilting his head to look at Seb. He knew that something had struck his mind. 

“I’m starting to wonder that if she married my father for his practice and his money, if she did it after he consulted with Sherlock. And if that’s the case… could she be… would he have been in his right mind?”

“Probably not,.” Jim said.

“Jim…. I love you,” Seb said, “I’ve been an idiot and I’m sorry.”

“Yes. You have,” Jim said. He felt… lighter. His anger was ebbing away but he wasn’t completely over it. He closed the space between them and wrapped his arms around Seb’s neck. “But so have I if I’m honest.”

“Yes.”

“Stop being an arse,” Jim said with a smirk. He tightened his grip on Seb and drew him in for a kiss. 

Sebastian smiled and kissed him back. “Would you come with me for a few moments? I want to talk to Sherlock about a few things and then I need to see my father’s lawyer.”

“Of course. If that’s what we need to do.”

“There is something else.”

“Oh?”

“We need to get the last of my things from the flat. Can’t keep running across town when I need something if I’m living with you,” Seb said.

“Living with me?” Jim chuckled. “What would give you the idea that I would want to you to live with me?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m fantastic in bed and you can’t get enough of me.”

“No love… that’s you who can’t get enough of me.” Seb smiled and kissed Jim once more.

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian looked at Irene as she sat across the room from him. She was calm and cool under pressure. Greg Lestrade sat at the head of the table and had been listening to Sebastian and his attorney taking turns talking for the last hour. He rubbed at his temples and tried to remember everything he had just heard.

“So, let me see if I have this straight,” Greg began. “Dr. Adler is currently married to Dr. Moran. But when they married, Dr. Moran was not in his right mind. So, legally, Mr. Moran has put an injunction on her ability to make medical decisions on his behalf. And Dr. Adler was the one who called the NHS on Dr. Holmes, Mr. Moran and Mr. Moriarty. Because she felt that because of  conversations with her delusional and ill husband she needed to take Dr. Holmes’ attention away from his patients and the possibility of treating Dr. Moran.”

“In a nutshell,” Seb said. He smiled over at Irene and leaned back in his chair, putting his arm around Jim.

“Well… talk about jealousy Sebastian. You rejected me, remember?” Irene hissed. “And now, you are challenging my marriage to your father? And saying I called the government on Dr. Holmes?”

“I am,” Seb said simply. He moved forward, leaning on the table and looking directly at her. “You are a fucking harpy Irene. I’ve been waiting years for you to screw up enough for me to finally have the upper hand. You are… you’ve never been the golden girl you thought you were. You think that I’m stupid. But honestly Irene… you are the bitch.” Seb stood up and reached out his hand to shake the lawyer's hand before reaching for Jim.

“And Mr. Lestrade, Dr. Holmes, Jim and I will be returning to work tomorrow.” He walked out of the room with Jim right behind him.

“That went well,” Jim said to Sebastian as they entered their flat a bit later.

“It did. I… I feel better. But there is one last thing I want to talk to you about.”

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian leaned over the patient’s prone form and watched as he pushed the medication through the IV line. He was slow and careful, making sure that it was a steady stream of delivery. He unattached the syringe and pulled out a second one, pushing in just half of the medication. He smiled as he watched the heart monitor and counted as the rate increased. “Perfect.”

“Yes… you are,” Jim cooed from the other side of the patient’s bed. He checked the patient’s pulse with his elegant fingers and nodded at Sebastian.

“So… let’s see if we are awake,” Seb said, leaning down towards the patient’s ear. “If you can hear me, please… open your eyes.” The patient didn’t respond for a moment but then finally did. His eyes took a moment to focus but he wasn’t able to respond to the other commands, although he was trying. His voice was reduced to nothing more than a moan. “It’s alright Father. You are awake, but I’ve taken away your voice. And your ability to move anything else besides your eyelids.”

Dr. Moran moaned a bit and his eyes moved to track the movement on the other side of the bed. “Ah… hello there,” Jim said, “we’ve not formally met. Jim Moriarty. Hi!” Seb chuckled and shook his head. 

“See, here’s the thing Father, Irene was the perfect scapegoat. Thanks for that. But I’m a bit old for a stepmother now. She’s under investigation for her medical license. And… your marriage… over. But then again, you never consummated it. Funny that. Neither of us slept with her,” Seb mused. He waved his hand in the air. “It doesn’t matter. She’s a lesbian. Did you know?” 

Dr. Moran made a noise that was… shock. He didn’t know and Jim began to laugh. “Oh… that’s rich,” he said, “here you thought that you were getting a perfect couple. And it was most likely the best marriage in the world! Marrying someone to be your beard as you were theirs. Sebby, love… that’s good.”

“Shut it, Jim,” Seb teased back, “or you will have to do both the laundry and the washing up for a month!”

“Right. Like you could make me do that,” Jim said with a smile as he fussed with some meds for Dr. Moran.

“No. I’m sure I couldn’t.” Seb pushed his father towards Jim as he changed the sheets under him. “But I could withhold sex for a week.” Jim made a truly shocked noise and Dr. Moran groaned. Seb smirked. “Imagine that Jim. A week without my mouth on your cock.” Seb pulled his father over towards him as he continued to speak. “Your cock in my arse…. You name on my lips as I come. And how hard would that be for you?”

“It would be…” Jim cleared his throat as he laid Dr. Moran back down. “That would be difficult. I… I can’t get enough of you. I love you Sebastian. And… I’m happy you moved in.”

“So am I. Because I love you too Jim.” Seb leaned across the bed to kiss Jim. It was a simple kiss but it was enough to make the patient that was lying below them moan out. “Oh… look at us. We’ve forgotten about our patient. I’m sorry Father,” Seb said,“I guess this isn’t the right time to tell you this. But there is no other time, is there. Time… isn’t your friend right now.”

Dr. Moran just glared at his son. “But… I should tell you since you won’t be there when it happens. This man… this wonderful stupid man that I have fallen deeply in love with is going to be my husband some day.”

Jim looked up at Seb at the same moment that Dr. Moran did. “Sebastian… did you just propose to me?”

“No. Just stating a fact. You’ll know when I propose,” Seb said with a smirk. Jim rolled his eyes.

“Idiot.”

“Moron.”

“Love you too.” Seb looked at his father. “Now… I think it’s time that we tell Father here what the rest of our plan is.”

“I agree,” Jim said with a smile. He stepped back. They had spent the evening talking about it and decided that this needed to be Sebastian’s show. That he needed to be the one to make it happen.

“So… I have a bit more of that lovely paralytic you are currently experiencing to push into your IV. Just a bit more and your heart will seize. Your lungs… will stop. You will die. But not comfortably. Since Jim managed to turn your morphine off about ten minutes ago.” Seb smiled. “You are a bastard. You’ve always been that way. And you know what? I don’t fucking care anymore. So… goodbye father. I hope to see you in hell.”

Seb reattached the syringe to the IV port and slowly pressed the plunger. He watched as the heart monitor slowly began to slow and stop. He saw the panic and pain in his father’s eyes. Slowly, as life left Dr. Augustus Moran, Sebastian’s face filled with a smile. He was gone and Seb couldn’t be happier. 

Jim came around to the other side of the bed and slipped his arms around Seb’s neck. Seb found Jim’s waist and pulled him close. “I love you Jim.”

“I love you too,” Jim answered before kissing him deeply. “And the answer is yes.”

“Well… I’ll keep that in mind for when I ask,” Seb said with a smirk. Jim swatted at his chest before kissing him again. “It think it’s time we told Dr. Holmes that his patient is dead.”


	18. Epilogue- Chapter 18- Awards and Prizes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter.  
> Prizes and awards that Jim and Seb win or acquire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! The final chapter.  
> Thank you for those of you who have stuck with me through the whole thing. I'm very honoured that you have.  
> Once again thank you to Hibernia1 and Little Red Hot Riding Hood. Love you guys!
> 
> I just want to say once more before you get into the last chapter this is a different kind of fic. I've been toying with the idea that Jim and Seb's tradtional roles in fic aren't who they are but what they are. And making them life long murder husbands isn't a personality trait. So... that's what this is. Hope you enjoyed it!

##  Epilogue

Sebastian looked into the mirror at Jim as he finished getting dressed. They had been together for over four years now and things between them couldn’t have been better. Jim straightened his tie, his favourite. It really wasn’t the most appropriate tie for the occasion, but Seb had given it to Jim for their first Christmas together. Seb thought Jim almost invented reasons to wear it. Seb smiled and Jim looked up, catching his eye.

“What? McQueen a bit too… morbid for this?” Jim asked, smirking a little.

“No love. It’s perfect,” Seb said. He crossed the room and pulled Jim against him tightly. He kissed him deeply and sighed. “I’m so proud of you, you know. You are a fantastic doctor.”

“Seb…” Jim said with a sigh. “I’m… yeah. Okay. I am,” he agreed after a moment. He let out a little laugh and kissed Seb. “Let’s go. It’s not every day my boyfriend gets nurse of the year.”

Seb blushed a little. “Stop it,” he said, “I’m not anything special. I’m… just doing my job.”

“Sebastian… we’ve been through this before. You… you are incredible. Special. Your programmes at the V.A. centre have been life changing. You’ve done a lot of good babe,” Jim reminded Sebastian. Seb looked at him. There was nothing behind the words other than pride. 

“I… I still don’t understand this,” Seb said, finally leaving the same conversation they had been having for weeks now, since Sebastian was alerted that he was going to be receiving the honour. 

“There is nothing to understand darling,” Jim said as he checked his pockets for his phone and wallet. “You have done something that other people have noticed and they want to reward you for it.”

“I don’t do it for the accolades,” Sebastian murmured before he left the room. Jim rolled his eyes and followed him out.

Seb patted his own pockets. He was hoping that they would have a small amount of time alone that evening. It was a special night after all. “You know Jim… you… you and I… we’ve been through a lot.”

“Yes. We have,” Jim said, tilting his head to the side. He wasn’t sure where Seb was going with his train of thought.

“And… well… it’s been a wonderful four years.”

“Yes.” Jim’s palms began to sweat and his heart was beating a bit faster. Was Seb breaking up with him?

“You know… this is a special day for another reason.”

“It is?” Jim’s brow furrowed. He couldn’t remember what was so special about it.

“Today was the day we kissed for the first time.” 

Jim’s face flushed a bit. He smiled broadly and reached up on his toes to plant a kiss on Seb’s lips. “And I am so glad we did.”

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian sat, toying with the stem of his wine glass. The dinner hadn’t been as bad as it could have been. Jim was talking to someone he worked with at the other side of the room. And Seb was sitting alone. He got up from the table and headed out to the terrace that ran around the building. It was a dark and cool night, but it felt good on his heated skin after the stuffy room. He lit up a cigarette and took a deep drag, leaning on the railing that overlooked the city.

“It’s a lovely evening,” a public school voice drawled from his left.

“It is. I’m surprised you and Greg are here to be honest,” Seb said, not looking at Dr. Mycroft Holmes.

“Sebastian, we… we may not have parted on the best of terms, however, I do believe the work you have done with the veterans is most admirable. And seeing that Gregory sits on the board that assists in the nominations…”

“I didn’t know that,” Seb answered. Mycroft nodded. “You look well.” Sebastian looked at Mycroft and smiled.

“I am. As is Gregory. Marriage… agrees with us both.”

“Yes. It agrees with a lot of people,” Sebastian said. He smiled as he saw John and Sherlock crossing the event space to greet him. John smiled, looking a bit flustered before grabbing Seb and pulling him into a tight hug.

“Sorry we are late,” John said, “sitter problems.”

“Don’t worry about it. You… you only missed the horrible dinner,” Sherlock sniggered from nearby.

“ _ That’s _ why you told Mrs. Hudson that the event started at eight instead of seven,” John said, looking at his husband. Sherlock only raised an eyebrow in response and Seb chuckled. 

“Well, I’m glad you are here,” he said, “go on, get a drink. I’ll be in in a moment.” 

John and Sherlock went back in, bickering at each other in low voices. Sebastian shook his head and smiled. His smile grew a bit when he felt Jim’s eyes on him. He kept looking into the event room at all his colleagues and friends that had gathered to honour him.

“I was talking to the head of research and development at that new drug company. He was telling me that  Dr. Adler had applied for a position with them. But they turned her down flat. She’s… she’s not been able to find work. And since her license has been revoked in England… I think she’s gotten what she deserved.” 

“Mm… I heard that,” Seb said. He turned around to Jim and saw the man that he had shared the last four years of his life with. “You know Jim… you’ve… changed me. We… we’ve not… my father was the last.”

“Yes. He was. There was no reason… no need to keep going. You… you filled that need in me,” Jim offered.

“And you in me,” Seb crushed out his cigarette and came closer to Jim. “I’ve… I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Oh?” Jim said.

“Yeah… um… We’ve spent time together. Mostly… it’s been good. Some of it… was terrible. But… we’ve made it through. Together.” Jim nodded and looked harder at Sebastian. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.. I’m fine. I’m good.” Seb smiled and grabbed Jim’s hand, tugging him to a spot that was a bit further into the shadows and quieter. He sat down on a metal bench and pulled Jim against him, his back to Seb’s chest. They sat that way for a bit.

“Are you sure?” Jim asked after a while. 

“Yes love. I just wanted a quiet moment alone with you,” he said, nuzzling Jim’s neck. “I just wanted to sit quietly with you. To just… spend a moment realising what’s really important to me.”

“Okay,” Jim said, relaxing against Seb. He closed his eyes for a moment. He had been working a lot, but it was the curse of working the night shift. He yawned. And he enjoyed spending time with Sebastian.

“Jim… the thing is… I’ve been thinking about asking you something.”

“Really Sebastian?”

“Yes. Really.” Seb sniggered. “I love you Jim. And… I think it’s time.”

“Time,” Jim said, rubbing his thumb over the hand Seb had wrapped around his waist. “Yes… I think it is. So… are you going to ask properly or is this it?”

“You don’t really expect me to get down on one knee, do you?” Seb asked with a bit of a laugh in his voice.

“No. I don’t. But I do expect the actual words to come out of your mouth.”

“Fine,” Seb said with a mock huff. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the simple ring he had there. He had been carrying it for nearly two weeks, waiting for the right moment. And tonight… not only with the award, but with their anniversary. It was perfect.

The dim light from the event room caught the diamonds that sat in the band as Seb moved his hand in front of Jim. Jim’s eyes grew wide. He hadn’t expected a ring. Just the question. He looked down at the white coloured metal. Platinum. And three channel set diamonds. He was instantly impressed that Sebastian knew him so well to have picked the perfect ring.

“James Moriarty. I love you so much. From the first moment I met you… I knew that things were going to be different. And four years later… I now know that I was right. And now… I want to spend the rest of my life with you. But… I want to do it as husbands. So… will you marry me?”

Jim smiled and took the ring from Seb’s fingers. He slipped it on his finger and sighed. He turned around to face Sebastian, stroking his cheek with his left hand. “Sebastian Moran… you idiot,” he said with a fond smile, “I love you and you know damn well that we are in this for life. Of course…. We will do this together. As husbands.” He leaned in and kissed Sebastian.

“Is that a yes then?”

“Yes.”

_ \---0000--- _

Sebastian stood in front of the podium, the glass plaque clutched in his hand. He ran his fingers over the surface and smiled. His gaze lifted to the people looking back at him. His eyes first fell on Dr. John Watson. An old friend. A man he ran into in the street and offered to get him a job interview. The man who basically changed his life forever. His gaze shifted to Dr. Sherlock Holmes. The man nodded at Sebastian. He had helped Seb figure out who he was and who he wasn’t. But he was more than that. He had become a trusted friend and colleague. 

Seb moved to the person on John’s right, Greg Lestrade. The man who gave him a job… his first real chance to make something more of himself since he had arrived back in England. And on the other side of him…. Greg’s husband, Dr. Mycroft Holmes. It was Mycroft who’d encouraged Jim to go back to medical school and finish his degree. Jim had finally shown Mycroft where his mistake  in Richie’s medical file was and Mycroft had been stunned. He was both impressed and embarrassed. It was such an easy thing to have picked up when he was shown.

Seb moved to look out at Molly. Molly Hooper had started out as Jim’s friend but after a short time, she and Seb had become close. Once Jim went back to school, he had a lot of time without Jim around and he’d needed someone to help him fight the boredom and loneliness. At first he and Molly found themselves thrust together after a work challenge. But then… they became friends. She smiled at Seb, holding her new husband Brad’s hand under the table. Her other hand rested on her swollen belly. In just a few weeks Jim and Seb would be honorary uncles. He smiled at her broadly and she smiled back. But Seb didn’t look at Jim. Not yet. Instead, he focused on the podium itself.

“Jim had a big job of convincing me to come tonight. I just wanted to write a quick note saying thanks but no. But Jim… he wouldn’t let me do that. He kept telling me that some things are just… meant to be. And that this… this silly bit of glass… is the result of two years worth of work. Two long years of late nights and many cups of coffee. Of phone calls and deadlines. Of working harder than I did for all my years in the army, right John?” Seb’s gaze flicked up to John’s face and his old friend nodded and laughed. “But if all my efforts can help just one man or woman from… from finding themselves in the bottom of a bottle or the victim of the needle… then it was all worth it.” Seb took a deep breath and smiled.

“When I started talking about this idea I had for the clinic, it was really more than just me talking to Jim about wanting to support service people who were dealing with the guilt of losing those we loved in battle. Because the men and women we met in the service… they are our families while we are there. They are our brothers and sisters, fathers and mothers… our lovers.” Seb looked at Jim for the first time. “It was more than that. It was the moment that I told Jim about exactly what kind of man I was. What the death of… Oliver… did to me. How after losing myself in my grief I became strung out, drunk and a mess. And how when I needed help the one person I thought I could turn to… the one person I thought would understand the grief of losing one’s lover...turned me away. I knew what I needed to do.” Seb heard a sniffle and looked up to see that Molly was dabbing her eyes. She had cried for an hour after Seb told her about Oliver and his death. He gave her a soft smile and she nodded to him that she was okay. “But in those moments... In that story, I finally found the support I needed. And together, Jim and I have been able to move past our own grief. The grief for my mother, for my lover and finally for my father. Because his death… it was the last one that touched me personally.”

Sebastian paused again to cast his eyes along the faces of his friends. The people who knew what he and Jim had done… and that Dr. Augustus Moran was indeed the last person that crossed from living to dead at the hands of Jim and or Sebastian. That they stopped looking for those who needed help transitioning from life to death. He gave them all a small nod as he held their gaze before clearing his throat and settling on Jim’s face once more. “In the end, Jim told me that while he was proud of me, he needed a reason to brag about his boyfriend to his colleagues. He needed a tangible reason to wear his favourite tie and suit. He also made sure to tell me repeatedly that I don’t take him out to dinner enough or that we never go anywhere. And I had to gently remind him that we could indeed do those things if he would just give up the silly notion of being a doctor and I promptly got a pretty good smack on the head.” Seb smiled broadly. A few people chuckled and Jim winked at him. Seb licked his lips and took a small drink of his champagne before getting an idea in his head. He raised up his glass.

“This wasn’t a project that I undertook alone. There are some very special  men and women who helped me. And I want to spend a moment to thank each and everyone of you. Because… without you… I would only be nurse of the nano second. So Molly, Greg, John, Mycroft, Sherlock… without you all, I wouldn’t have had the ability to or the drive to finish this to the end. For your patience, contacts and support… I raise my glass in thanks.” Seb held his hand up higher and toasted his friends. “But… I am going to ask you all to do something a little unconventional now. So… if you would all raise your glasses with me.” Seb waited as the scraping of chairs and the chime of glassware being moved was heard. Once the room was silent again, Seb held his own glass aloft. “Please take a moment with me… to toast the one person who was my support. The one person I can never say thank you to enough. Who was there from the beginning until tonight. The one person who helped me keep my drive. Who held me as I cried tears of frustration. Who covered me with a blanket when I fell asleep on the sofa, working. Who  sacrificed our own limited time together as a couple while he was attending his medical training in order for me to finish this program. Who glared down six burly construction workers when they wouldn’t begin working because their foreman didn’t like the way I had asked him to follow my plans to the letter and won. Who gave up holidays and celebrations. Who put up with more take away food then should be humanly possible. Who was my constant, my guiding star… and when I nearly hit rock bottom and gave it all up… was the light I clung to.” Seb looked Jim in the eyes and the rest of the room faded away. “To the one man, the one person on this earth I love with my entire heart. Who showed me what it meant to have support and to be loved, once again. So… my darling… my love… Thank you. Thank you for making me put on this ridiculous suit and tie. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for pushing when you did. For letting go… and for knowing me better than I know myself. Thank you.” Seb lifted his glass up. “To my fiancee, Dr. James Moriarty,” he finished. He took a drink from his glass before looking at the group attended who toasted Jim. “I really wouldn’t be nurse of anything without you. I love you,” he said before hopping off of the stage and heading to Jim to draw him into his arms.

Jim’s face was slightly shiny with tears and Seb wiped them away with the pad of his thumb. “I love you too,” Jim said as he leaned into Seb’s touch,“I’m so proud of you.” Jim leaned against Seb before kissing him once more. Soon enough they would be home in bed together. And they would be able to tell each other how grateful they were for what they did for each other. But for now… they needed to accept congratulations from their friends. 

**Author's Note:**

> The fic is finished. For the most part. A few little things to update here and there as we go. I plan on posting weekly. Kudos are awesome and comments are even better.  
> Please don't hesitate to point out mistakes, errors or other things. That's what makes us all better. The only thing I ask is that you do it nicely!  
> Love to you all.


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